Update to entry 5:06 p.m.:
Never got a call for my interview today. Fuckers.
So I slept until now. I didn't fall asleep until almost 6 a.m. My roommate couldn't sleep either. She crawled into bed with me and we talked for a couple hours... pondered why it is that when I want a relationship with someone, they don't want one with me, and on the other end of the scale, why it is that the guy I just want to get physical with and call it quits makes me like them... damn interesting, endearing guys. Murphy's Law Runs My Life. Maybe that's what I should call my book.
I had a terrible dream that Jay told me he didn't want to see me anymore on a text message. It broke my heart, I woke up nearly crying, and I even checked my cell phone to see if it was really there. Of course it wasn't. But it was one of those really vivid dreams. Scared the crap outta me... I mean, how heartless would one have to be to write a text message that said "I've realized you will never make me happy, so I can't continue to see you. I'm sorry." Yeah I remember exactly what the dream message said. Told you it was vivid. Damn stupid dreams.
Original entry, 4:07 a.m.:
I've decided to write a book, or a short novel, whatever you want to call it, about my experiences with men over the past few months I have been dating.
I figure, I have learned something about me from each of them, why not share it? Maybe it will help someone if it actually gets published (haha yeah right). Maybe it will just help me to write it all down. I tend to think best when I am writing things down. It makes me really think about how to say things, and when I think about that, I think about what I've experienced almost from an out of body point of view.
My first chapter, about my ex-husband, will be the hardest to get through. I am not going to get into too much detail, or I'll end up writing a book about Steve alone. But it starts there, and ends there, and begins my new life after the end of that relationship.
I really doubt if it will be of much interest to anyone, but just writing it makes me feel better, like I am putting my miserable experiences out of my mind, purging myself, in a way.
Interview today. It's 4:07 a.m. and I still can't sleep. I am going to be in a tough spot if this job calls me to come in early in the morning. I hope the bags under my eyes won't be too huge.
I'm going to drink some Nyquil to help sleep come, and lay down and think about my writing this book, and if it's worthwhile.
As soon as this song is over. Black Metallic, by Catherine Wheel. It makes me think of when I was a teenager in the 90s... and I thought life was difficult then. Now, I wish I could just go back. Go back. Away from the life I live now.
Can you tell I didn't take my Zoloft today?
Never got a call for my interview today. Fuckers.
So I slept until now. I didn't fall asleep until almost 6 a.m. My roommate couldn't sleep either. She crawled into bed with me and we talked for a couple hours... pondered why it is that when I want a relationship with someone, they don't want one with me, and on the other end of the scale, why it is that the guy I just want to get physical with and call it quits makes me like them... damn interesting, endearing guys. Murphy's Law Runs My Life. Maybe that's what I should call my book.
I had a terrible dream that Jay told me he didn't want to see me anymore on a text message. It broke my heart, I woke up nearly crying, and I even checked my cell phone to see if it was really there. Of course it wasn't. But it was one of those really vivid dreams. Scared the crap outta me... I mean, how heartless would one have to be to write a text message that said "I've realized you will never make me happy, so I can't continue to see you. I'm sorry." Yeah I remember exactly what the dream message said. Told you it was vivid. Damn stupid dreams.
Original entry, 4:07 a.m.:
I've decided to write a book, or a short novel, whatever you want to call it, about my experiences with men over the past few months I have been dating.
I figure, I have learned something about me from each of them, why not share it? Maybe it will help someone if it actually gets published (haha yeah right). Maybe it will just help me to write it all down. I tend to think best when I am writing things down. It makes me really think about how to say things, and when I think about that, I think about what I've experienced almost from an out of body point of view.
My first chapter, about my ex-husband, will be the hardest to get through. I am not going to get into too much detail, or I'll end up writing a book about Steve alone. But it starts there, and ends there, and begins my new life after the end of that relationship.
I really doubt if it will be of much interest to anyone, but just writing it makes me feel better, like I am putting my miserable experiences out of my mind, purging myself, in a way.
Interview today. It's 4:07 a.m. and I still can't sleep. I am going to be in a tough spot if this job calls me to come in early in the morning. I hope the bags under my eyes won't be too huge.
I'm going to drink some Nyquil to help sleep come, and lay down and think about my writing this book, and if it's worthwhile.
As soon as this song is over. Black Metallic, by Catherine Wheel. It makes me think of when I was a teenager in the 90s... and I thought life was difficult then. Now, I wish I could just go back. Go back. Away from the life I live now.
Can you tell I didn't take my Zoloft today?
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
I say go for the book, do it, the best storys are probably not written. There for if you write yours and other people get to read it they might find something that speaks to them, and you should get a lot out of it yourself as well. Like you said it'd be sort of like purging yourself. Good luck bebe, and don't mess with those meds. Take 'em how they should be and if you don't want to anymore take it up with the PHD, that's what they get paid for... to look out for you and know how that stuff is best suited to help you out... boy don't I sound like the "health care professional" I'm supposed to be.