meldarko

I belive an update is in order...
I'm having an awesome time with the boy, he's so sweet to me.
This has been like the dream I make up of the perfect relationship so far... when we kiss it shoots through my entire body...
He's a gentleman, and hasn't put any pressure on me since I told him I would like to take it slow...
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yeah, so...
making out in a parking lot in taylor sounds silly too...
but it's super-duper awesome fun

the boy, sigh... ah the boy...
i'm such a nerd with a big giant crush...
wow...
i can't even word it... nice boy, with job, and car...
a rare breed...

i've never been on a real date, where the boy asks me out and pays and everything......
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hmm...
making out in a parking lot in st. clair shores sounds silly...
but it's oh so fun

so what had happened was i got myself tied up in a big ol' mess of lies and secrets...
and thought i was in love...
with the worst possible match...
and it tore me up pretty bad, but now i know better...
i hope...
and i'm moving on, and learning about a new interest...
who seems to have much more integrity than the last...
but,...
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I had tender feelings that you made hard
But it's your heart, not mine, that's scarred
So when i go home, i'll be happy to go
You're just somebody that i used to know

You don't need my help anymore
It's all now to you, there ain't no before
Now that you're big enough to run your own show
You're just somebody that i used...
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bored of this...
tired of my job...
sick of boys...
drugs and alcohol don't work...
i need to sleep forever...

god i am depressing

i had a good easter, ate with my parents and my sisters family...
fell asleep watching fellowship of the ring in my parents basement... woke up and watched the two towers with them...
i'm officially a nerd... but i'm good at...
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oh... ok, you must've only meant you couldn't have a relationship right now... with me
you must've meant you didn't know who you were or even care about anyone or anything when you were with me
you must've been only afraid of leading me on and making ME feel secure only to drop ME on my ass everytime I asked you about what this was...
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...

lately all i really want to do is watch movies and get all tired and junk...
went out last night, and was kinda bored, but i got drunk so it was worth it to some degree... i'm not a big fan of being drunk really...
i'm on a quest for something more substantial...
oh yeah, i went to visit my old church today right after...
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i'm doing amazingly well...
i heal quickly... perspective is the key, and allowing myself to wallow and morn the loss of the friendship was very helpful...
all in all i feel that i'm better off...
and better able to move on
and free... free from the story i wrote and the sadness it caused me when it turned out to be fiction
--
friday i'm...
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