mei

there's a rose shadowed on the television screen. the tv is off, as it always is, but i'm still watching it now. the rose is twitching in the wind, the smoothes most organic movements. it shakes and nods its head, scolding and affirming me for my choise of words. as it bobs away, leaving a blank screen, i can see the heat's distortion of the air, steaming from the sidewalk. it looks like huge swarms of gnats, too small and fast to see, frenzidly fighting one another.

i had a terrible bizarre dream last night. i was working in a lab of some sort, doing genetics. we were working on dinosaurs. one day, the dinosaurs escaped, so we all went to various malls. we went to the malls because they were owned by the same multinational conglomerate. i ran to the mall, looking for a place to hide, trying to find somewhere like a bomb shelter - strong walls, thick floor, lockable. i ended up hiding in the bottom part of one of those kiosks. i locked myself in, all curled up, and waited. it got knocked over, and the doors flew open, so i ran away. i only got noticed as i was running into a bookstore, so i was chased, but halfheartedly. there were plenty of people for the dinosaurs to eat, because people were going about their normal business. shopping, eating lunch, or walking around with blank looks on their faces. in the bookstore, people were browsing normally. i forced my way into the back, where there was a small utility room. i hid with the manager and several other people - we snuck to the back and locked the door. most of the people in the store just walked out when there was nobody to ring them up. we were safe for awhile, until we heard tapping. there were small dinosaurs, maybe a foot and a half tall, tapping at the plexiglass window and the door. they had beaks, each half of which looked like a fossilized tooth. they looked like a cross between velociraptors and tiny pterodactyls. they all disappeared, and the manager whispered, "they're digging." we all moved to the edges of the room, and finally we watched as the grains of dirt on a particular section of the floor started dancing. why the floor of the room was made of dirt, i have no idea. the creature burst through, and i was so terrified that i became aggressive. i grabbed its beak, holding it shut. i thought that its mouth would be stronger than that, but i was able to hold it closed. i banged its head on the toolbench, until it cracked open. then i looked around for something to cut its head off with - i wanted it all the way dead. there was a hacksaw-cleaver thing, so i raised it over my head and almost made it through the spine. i sawed the rest of the way. the texture of bone and muscle under my saw seemed somehow more disgusting in a very recently living thing than, say, in a steak. they came at a slow, regular pace, and i grabbed them and killed them. a couple of people were helping me, but most just looked scared. finally they stopped, and i realized that i was dirty and hungry and thirsty. a couple of people were busy at the toolbench (by the way, i have no idea why there were tools and a toolbench in the back of the bookstore), and they held up several beautiful plates of sliced fruit! the birds, once their spinal columns had been severed, had turned into beautiful multicolored fruits. watermelon, cantaloupe, pineapple, honeydew. i think i ate a bite, but i dont' remember tasting it.

the next thing i remember, i was in an apartment with all of the other people that were going to save the world. there were maybe ten of us, all different shapes and sizes. a couple of normal humans, but lots of huge or small people, with strange mutations. lots of creatures, too. i was sitting next to a huge cockroach, about the size of a paperback book. a youngish man in glasses seemed to be in charge; he was telling us our assignments. finally, four or so of us were left in the room. ominously, he said "one of you will now damage another to come to his full powers." the cockroach was shaking, and i got up and moved away. the couple of other people in the room ignored him. for some reason it came after me, scuttling around the room after me. there was nowhere i could hide, this time. and i knew it would catch me. i looked back, and disgustingly enough, it was preparing for some sort of mating ritual. it had a penis of some sort, barbed, like a cat's, and sharp around the edges. it seemed like it would never get tired, and i began to slow down. as i rounded the edge of the couch, it leaped from the windowsil onto my hand, and plunged its penis through the back of my hand, and down my wrist. i screamed, and began to beat him on any surface i could find, walls and windows, tables and couches. he kept wiggling, sending intense threads of slimy pain up my arm. i finally made it to the kitchen, where i plunged my hand into the sinkful of warm soapy water waiting there. the roach struggled, and died. nonchalantly, the boss-man bandaged my hand, still bleeding profusely and looking infected. he assuree me that i would be ok.

i don't usually have dreams that violent, and i don't usually remember them that vividly. it was a strange night. i'm still a little jumpy.