Saturday Mar 12, 2005

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i wanted to put this up a couple of days ago, but i was too busy slicing the shit out of myself.
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some friends of mine from my days in AmeriCorps were in the area visiting for a week. the last night i was gonna see them, there was a big misunderstanding which resulted in my driving an extra hour to hang out with most of my friends while in the midst of a magnificent downshift in my bipolar ride...i was disappointed & bracing myself to find the motivation to drive another hour after having just driven 30 minutes way out of the way. i knew i shouldn't be alone with myself & i wanted to say goodbye to the 4 friends who'd be heading back to N. Carolina...but...

i was trying not to freak out & convince myself that i am alone on this planet with no community, no family...that they didn't really care about me. i felt crazy...silly, i know.

i guess i sounded angry on the phone, because i got this in my email.



i went over & got to say goodbye to my friends (3 of which are on the right side of the photo). it was nice, but i couldn't stop spontaneously crying...so fucking annoying.
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rainwolfkin:
oh, the thought of pictures from that time in my life makes me cringe sometimes. once, a few years later i found some taken in a similar vein and they were the worst photos of me ever! and i wonder, was i so cracked out to look like that all the time?

how is jeff?
rainwolfkin:
yeah, you could probably stick us in a room with ballgags in our mouths, but we could still have a comprehensive conversation. i like that too. remember when we first met and someone asked me a very personal question and you answered it for me. it felt like the twilight zone. but it felt good too. and still does.

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