i'm like a child who stopped playing with her toy truck months ago, but then this other kid comes along and wants to play with it and now i'm like, "NO! DON'T FUCKING TOUCH THAT! IT'S MINE!"
i am a masochistic freak. i convince myself that i want someone i don't really want in order to be able to explain my depression & anxiety. in truth, i don't really want that stupid girl. i was gonna break up with her, but wanted to wait until after xmas. then we took a "break". then she immediately got involved with someone at work. we work together. close together. so does this new girl. who was almost my friend. so now i get to know when they're hanging out, watch them interact, feel sick thinking about them being together while i'm alone. i know i can find someone much better for me, more like me, less annoying. i know that i'm just lonely...it's so easy to think about how things could've been after it's too late to change...while you're in it, it's easy to take someone for granted...get irritated by their every breath...it's easier to see how it can't possibly work.
i'm lame. i need to be alone. it's painfully good for me. {that's what i'm telling myself}
i need encouragement. or some sex. either one.
i am a masochistic freak. i convince myself that i want someone i don't really want in order to be able to explain my depression & anxiety. in truth, i don't really want that stupid girl. i was gonna break up with her, but wanted to wait until after xmas. then we took a "break". then she immediately got involved with someone at work. we work together. close together. so does this new girl. who was almost my friend. so now i get to know when they're hanging out, watch them interact, feel sick thinking about them being together while i'm alone. i know i can find someone much better for me, more like me, less annoying. i know that i'm just lonely...it's so easy to think about how things could've been after it's too late to change...while you're in it, it's easy to take someone for granted...get irritated by their every breath...it's easier to see how it can't possibly work.
i'm lame. i need to be alone. it's painfully good for me. {that's what i'm telling myself}
i need encouragement. or some sex. either one.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
what i always say is, 'joke them if they can't take a fuck' (a bastardization of 'fuck them if they can't take a joke') it seems to be applicable to every situation of my life at all times. makes me feel better. joke them.
glad that you have fond memories of ohio. its unfortunate that i can't see kyle. he just moved to seattle (maybe him and cosyne can hook up?). and most of my other friends have either started breeding (and consequently are totally different people) or have moved away. so yeah, i'm doing the family thing. but they made it happen for me to come here, so i have to. do you know how difficult it is to find any veg entrees at any restaurants around here? they're all blookdy steakhouses!
anyway, i wish i was down in the south with you. then i could say 'well, here we are' when you ask 'where are we'. it was so profound at them time.
I'm surprised the local boys haven't mobbed you yet; they're incorrigible.