life & being are all connected, science is math is art is language, music, expression. even when "imperfections" exist, "perfection" is also present...because there are no judgments when we are animals, mammals...nervous systems encased in meat & bone, floating around, whirring thoughts & emotion complicating the simplicity of Nature...at least i'm able to understand simplicity's complexity. or is that a bittersweet curse disguised as enlightenment?...
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i think i have rapid-cycling bipolar disorder. if that even exists, really. perhaps i'm just borderline, depressed, & anxious & on too much caffiene & vodka.
either way, i change so quickly from one moment to the next...from obsessing over things that make me sick, angry, sad, & crazy until i want to perforate my eyeballs using only things found in nature TO laughing at...
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either way, i change so quickly from one moment to the next...from obsessing over things that make me sick, angry, sad, & crazy until i want to perforate my eyeballs using only things found in nature TO laughing at...
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i like beer.
someone needs to come drink with me so when my therapist asks me next monday whether i've been drinking alone again, i can say no & not be lying this time. i mean, my roommates are in the next room. so technically i'm not alone. but they're sleeping.
so?!
i'm not really pathetic, it's just that everyone else 'round here is boring...
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someone needs to come drink with me so when my therapist asks me next monday whether i've been drinking alone again, i can say no & not be lying this time. i mean, my roommates are in the next room. so technically i'm not alone. but they're sleeping.
so?!
i'm not really pathetic, it's just that everyone else 'round here is boring...
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VIEW 13 of 13 COMMENTS
alli:
Beer cheated on me....so now I'm going steady with Vodka
nick667:
just someone who found ur profile thought u were cute wanted to say hi 
i never used to spend this much fucking time on the internet.
what have you done?!
what have i become?!
i'm sure this addiction will pass. {right, because that's happened to me before...}
what have you done?!
what have i become?!
i'm sure this addiction will pass. {right, because that's happened to me before...}
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
mro:
It's very nice to meet you!
rainwolfkin:
i adore you. i hope that makes you happy. 
i want to go somewhere. but i don't want to leave the house.
and, anyway, it often seems that there is no where to go. the only places to go require consumption.
and that's aside from gasoline. i like nature. but i'd have to drive to find some.
unless i wanted to BUY food (restaurant) or BUY products (shopping), i will be driving to nothing....
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and, anyway, it often seems that there is no where to go. the only places to go require consumption.
and that's aside from gasoline. i like nature. but i'd have to drive to find some.
unless i wanted to BUY food (restaurant) or BUY products (shopping), i will be driving to nothing....
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rainwolfkin:
i love McSkeleton.
ghostina:
laziness grabs me everyday. you will definitely have to come visit me someday while i'm all unemployed n stuff.
and i dreamed that i had a baby last night. by my ex girlfriend.
it was as big as a one year old after a day or two. i was scared i'd drop it on its head. i think i did once.
then my girlfriend left us for another woman.
i looked at the baby & felt amazingly happy & overwhelmed with love and i...
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it was as big as a one year old after a day or two. i was scared i'd drop it on its head. i think i did once.
then my girlfriend left us for another woman.
i looked at the baby & felt amazingly happy & overwhelmed with love and i...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
rainwolfkin:
well, i just wrote a huge long monologue about what it might mean, but then i erased it thinking 'thats crap' what the fuck do i know? i'm not the mental health care pro, or psycho-therapist or whatever. i only took one psych class in college and i dont even remember attending it...
i'd love to be useful, but perhaps am just useless...
i'd love to be useful, but perhaps am just useless...
rainwolfkin:
well, i have to say that i think the only thing toes are really useful for are to be played with. and yeah, i liked it when you played with the toesies.
i have added lots 'o photos & such in my PICS section. i demand that you look at them & tell me what you think. ah hem. please. 
medusaq:
um. is this not clear?
julienne:
My husband draws, I will put some of his up soon. I love yours! Ther is a lot of emotion.
i.
mirage of my making.
mirage of my making.
ghostina:
hi...
inside a crumbling masterpiece
sometimes i remember you
incorrectly
leaning over me with your fist
through my chest
pulling strings behind my back
winding the clock backward
so it's never time to go
you sold your backpack
and sat still
cross-legged meditation
on the wrong side of my window
the inside
i paint when i am lonely
i stopped keeping a journal
i talk to...
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sometimes i remember you
incorrectly
leaning over me with your fist
through my chest
pulling strings behind my back
winding the clock backward
so it's never time to go
you sold your backpack
and sat still
cross-legged meditation
on the wrong side of my window
the inside
i paint when i am lonely
i stopped keeping a journal
i talk to...
Read More
i drink too much. i am drunk. i like drinking. but when it's done, here i am...alone. my friends are sleeping. together. & i am fucking a computer, too fast. i like you. come over. i need to be cuddled & told how fucking hot i am. i need another person in my bed. i need a conversation that reminds me why i haven't died...
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VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
ria:
so much my feeling atm.
medusaq:
why is it that the people you seem to need most at any given moment are often the furthest away?
it relieves me to feel understood...why is that comforting to me when things are still the same?
find a way to be here. please. someday soon. i want to be near you...
[Edited on Feb 19, 2005 10:06PM]
[Edited on Feb 21, 2005 11:37PM]
it relieves me to feel understood...why is that comforting to me when things are still the same?
find a way to be here. please. someday soon. i want to be near you...
[Edited on Feb 19, 2005 10:06PM]
[Edited on Feb 21, 2005 11:37PM]
i want to sit naked in the woods on a cool autumn day, on a patch of moist moss and feel the leaves falling from the trees and see the sun beaming through the leaves and see the night swallowing the sun and remember what it feels like to have life fill my lungs.
sometimes, pure experience needs no heirarchy.
...for if all things are equal in their meaninglessness, if nothing truly matters, then it is possible to believe that everything matters in that everything we perceive as existing DOES exist &, therefore, must have an ultimate purpose in our personal realm...
it's the "everything happens for a reason" approach to existence...& it's a bit more optimistic...