for those who have expressed concern:
i have fibromalgia. ugh. more drugs, more insomnia.
oh well. love the girls i work with, love my girlfriend, & recently interviewed for graduate school.
also tried to blow up our halloween jack o' lantern. my girlfriend eventually crushed it by throwing & dropping a cement block on it. repeatedly.
i was more interesting when i presented as a...
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i have fibromalgia. ugh. more drugs, more insomnia.
oh well. love the girls i work with, love my girlfriend, & recently interviewed for graduate school.
also tried to blow up our halloween jack o' lantern. my girlfriend eventually crushed it by throwing & dropping a cement block on it. repeatedly.
i was more interesting when i presented as a...
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my body has forsaken me.
with all the pain that attempts to break my physical manifestation also comes all the euphoric beauty that attempts to resurrect my soul.
everything costs something. or so i'm told.
with all the pain that attempts to break my physical manifestation also comes all the euphoric beauty that attempts to resurrect my soul.
everything costs something. or so i'm told.
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kingskottie:
the price we pay only exceeds the value.
hi ya!
hi ya!
rainwolfkin:
is that grrl taking up your time? 
my arms have been severely abused. i look a bit like a junkie. in the last week i have had multiple vials of blood taken from me, a TB test, & a tetanus shot. i kind of liked the pain at first, but now... mostly not.
& i am luckier still...she & i are two little fish, connected by soul-ar cords...crab shells cracked & broken...
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& i am luckier still...she & i are two little fish, connected by soul-ar cords...crab shells cracked & broken...
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rainwolfkin:
why all of the needles anyway?
rainwolfkin:
god help you if you are a phoenix and you dare to rise up from the ash
its silly how sorrow always brings with it poetry and rememberance...
your words are like poetry to me.
thank you for everything you've ever given me.
my life was so fucked up that year we met, but i wouldn't trade it for anything. i'd experience it ten times again if it meant coming out of it with a friend like you.
i'm totally gonna come and crash on your couch just so i can hear that southern twang.
its silly how sorrow always brings with it poetry and rememberance...
your words are like poetry to me.
thank you for everything you've ever given me.
my life was so fucked up that year we met, but i wouldn't trade it for anything. i'd experience it ten times again if it meant coming out of it with a friend like you.
i'm totally gonna come and crash on your couch just so i can hear that southern twang.
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pekoe:
Beautiful
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.& owl.
the electromagnetic field of the heart is SIXTY times that of the brain. wow. we can alter the universe with our beingness & our attitudes. our outlooks. but we all already knew that, eh?
my heart is full.
even with all of the cynicism, anger, disappointment, & disillusionment i generate on a daily basis, i have learned recently that there is always the...
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the electromagnetic field of the heart is SIXTY times that of the brain. wow. we can alter the universe with our beingness & our attitudes. our outlooks. but we all already knew that, eh?
my heart is full.
even with all of the cynicism, anger, disappointment, & disillusionment i generate on a daily basis, i have learned recently that there is always the...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
pekoe:
Next time you look at SG check some of your fav. photos to see if any are blacked out. Some of the photos on the site are (the ones with blood, light bondage, any other "distastefull" photos).
That is a great entry, by the way
That is a great entry, by the way
mro:
Why are you Grrrrr'ing at an owl? Do you think it gives a hoot? Geddit? A hoot? Ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa 
upwardly mobile
the teacher stands in front of the class,
draw a picture of what you want to do
when you grow up.
beneath her crayon drawing, the invisible girl has written:
when i grow up,
i want to walk on a rainbow
the invisible girl
wishes:
- the bell would never ring
- warmth could follow her home
- love could never leave
-...
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the teacher stands in front of the class,
draw a picture of what you want to do
when you grow up.
beneath her crayon drawing, the invisible girl has written:
when i grow up,
i want to walk on a rainbow
the invisible girl
wishes:
- the bell would never ring
- warmth could follow her home
- love could never leave
-...
Read More
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rainwolfkin:
you make me cry. i love you.
rainwolfkin:
i wish you could taste my tears. but then again, you probably do...
[Edited on Sep 26, 2005 8:12PM]
[Edited on Sep 26, 2005 8:12PM]
i feel sad...also, trapped in a rotting mass of flesh which people around me tend to recognize as ME.
i've lived inside a chronically ill form my entire life. i was born with pneumonia & had it for the first 2 months of my life. i had malformed ankles & wore casts from toe to ass the first year & a half of my life....
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i've lived inside a chronically ill form my entire life. i was born with pneumonia & had it for the first 2 months of my life. i had malformed ankles & wore casts from toe to ass the first year & a half of my life....
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rainwolfkin:
at least doctors on your side care to find out. the doctors here suck. i can't even unlock the door to my house sometimes because my wrist is so fucked. and i don't think at age 26, i should be having to ask someone else to open a jar of salsa for me. not to mention, i sort of need my hand to do things like, say, have a job, but doctors here don't really think its that important. when they are not ignoring you or outright yelling at you, they are telling you to take over the counter pain killers in vast quantities until the day you die. pain killers that cause ulcers and that we can legally only buy in packages of 16 (not in bottles of 500) because the government thinks we all want to kill ourselves.
this country is fucked up.
i hope your doctors take care of you. i love you even though you are mortal.
this country is fucked up.
i hope your doctors take care of you. i love you even though you are mortal.
mro:
....yet you have someone who loves you for who you are. That must be nice....
i think i'm dehydrated.
i have new respect for people who can quit or drastically cut back on any of their unhealthy vices, like smoking or drinking.
i have new sunglasses.
i like the smell of oncoming autumn.
i am reading a book about the neurophysiology of the brain during sleep.
i am in love.
i have new respect for people who can quit or drastically cut back on any of their unhealthy vices, like smoking or drinking.
i have new sunglasses.
i like the smell of oncoming autumn.
i am reading a book about the neurophysiology of the brain during sleep.
i am in love.
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chinoblie:
hey you're a cancer born in '80 just like me!
That is all.
That is all.
mro:
You're in love? Good for you
my job backed out of letting me go to help evacuees, so i had to back out from helping the red cross & the hands on network. it sucks & i feel helpless. but i can't lose my job, as much as i've been looking for a reason to tell them to fuck off. i know i'll find ways to help without going to an...
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i'm going to Mississippi or Louisiana Sept. 14th through 21st to volunteer with the Red Cross along with a handful of other AmeriCorps alumni & some friends...we'll be building tent cities, delivering water, helping to feed people...& we'll be living with them in the tent cities...
...even though i'll lose a week's pay & i'll have to pay exorbitant prices for gas to drive there...i...
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...even though i'll lose a week's pay & i'll have to pay exorbitant prices for gas to drive there...i...
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rainwolfkin:
i love you because you have the constitution to act on your honesty. i think you are beautiful.
while i am hoping that the people in distress find their situation growing easier, i have to admit that i am seriously concerned with the wider implications of this disaster. i sincerely hope that the american nation can learn something from this and re-evaluate their priorities.
while i am hoping that the people in distress find their situation growing easier, i have to admit that i am seriously concerned with the wider implications of this disaster. i sincerely hope that the american nation can learn something from this and re-evaluate their priorities.
aeg:
I'm in Vegas, Baby, Vegas. Hung over, and I really hate it. I'm never drinking again. Until I have this cocktails meeting in about 15 minutes.
a response to rainwolfkin's rhetorical, yet hopeful, questions...(since i'm too lazy to type anything for my journal):
__________________________________________________
satisfaction comes in brief moments, i believe. i don't think it's really possible to make it a state of being, so it's not something from within which you can become stagnant.
i think that when you're truly living in the moment - breathing cold air, smoking...
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__________________________________________________
satisfaction comes in brief moments, i believe. i don't think it's really possible to make it a state of being, so it's not something from within which you can become stagnant.
i think that when you're truly living in the moment - breathing cold air, smoking...
Read More
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
rainwolfkin:
curiosity is the only thing that keeps me alive most days
me too. and its the type of curiousity that just won't let me sleep at night. crawls under the skin and made a permanent home for itself, nestling somewhere close to my pituitary gland.
why is it that your words always hit dead centre. i certainly value everything everyone else has to say, but they always hit the periphery. that's fine, gives me new perspectives - on how to view things in my life, but also insight into theirs. but your words are just like my own. ...still - after all these years.
how do you do it? it must be another of your superhero powers. i do love you.
ragdoll96923:
heY! glad to see you back!
thankyou for the beautiful journal entry.
I'm searching for satisfaction but not letting myself have it.
I'm so tired of running in endless cycles.. circles.. all just to please someone...
thankyou for the beautiful journal entry.
I'm searching for satisfaction but not letting myself have it.
I'm so tired of running in endless cycles.. circles.. all just to please someone...
i'm baaaaaaack.
i've missed you.
i've missed you.
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rainwolfkin:
i love you so much! am so so happy to see you back! such a nice surprize for me today. god, i'm selfish.
ria:
hurrah!!!
welcome back missy
welcome back missy
it's as if i'm collecting, spooning together, the remaining sunlight of the afternoon. ushering globdules together so that my sitting in the plaza may be in a yellow puddle. i know that taking levi strauss & durkheim out of my bag is optimistic (they're quite old after all), but i could not have predicted that i should write. inspired by a girl i don't really know (i wish your words had come from me, because it's almost as if they have. publish. run away. i love you. as much as i can say that truthfully without having met you or ever talked to you. we are great friends who have yet to meet), i address her in one of those countless letters that were never intended to be sent. truth, youth, beauty - it's all there. for forty minutes i sit on the asphalt scribbling, and every person's shadow passing looks like its coming towards me. every shadow passing looks like tim, but tim isn't coming towards me. the puddle dries up just before five, or more accurately, the spotlight that took me away from this world, the considerate quarantine, is suddenly switched off.
then tim is there, in the cold scarfed grey. as DEATH is clad appropriately, so is ROMANTIC OF WINTER. holding hands, breathing out in white, mittens & hot mead are merely the free trials - you should see me in sumptious hours.