*** Just a lot of Bitching***
Why are people so vastly disappointing? I wonder moreover why I let myself have hope that they aren't, time and time again... meah. But really on a large scale, the numbers are staggering.
Im tired. Just so unbelievably tired of all of it. Trying to make friends, talking to humans, interacting even on the most basic level at work, it's all just tiresome.
I just have to keep reminding myself of the things that are coming up soon; that this is why I am doing these things like working at a place the other employees disrespect me personally by attacking what I wear and indirectly by not even showing the least bit of consideration in that I work extremely hard to make sure that the store is clean, and picked up for the next person, vacuumed, the trash is disposed of, the glass has been wiped down... but no one does the same for me, Im the one that's supposed to do it for everyone. Im not a janitor, I don't get paid extra to clean up after people, I just want the same common decency that I show them; it's also why Im in bloody UMUC classes where Im surrounded by idiots. People that are military members just trying to get their next rank in their job, or ones that are my age but their favourite past time is "drinking man, getting really fucking trashed" and middle-aged housewives that are so conservative, that their main discussions are about fabric softener and their children. Im doing these last classes that I detest in order to have my associates degree so I can transfer for the third time to another school that has people my own age and where Im not the constant example of someone being "different, weird, rebellious," or any other array of fun words...
Im not a novelty. Im just me. Yes, I have piercings, tattoos, multicoloured hair and lots of jewelry, but Christ in a bucket... I don't know what to say... Im just sick of it.
Soon Posie will come, and Ill have someone around that I can do things with. It gets tiresome to constantly be surrounded by wonderful things, beautiful and lovely, and not be able to appreciate them fully, to feel wonderful and happy because there's no one that can share it. Yes I just got done bitching about how I hate people, but I do hate people, but I love having someone that's not like the rest of them that will understand it.
Soon enough Ill be in my very own little apartment in Chicago, yes after the initial time in southern Illinois, with my parents still... but then Ill be able to move; all by me onesys, in my own little place that I can paint and decorate in my very own way.... and Ill go to a real school, where Im not the youngest in my class, and I can do art again....
Sigh.
Why are people so vastly disappointing? I wonder moreover why I let myself have hope that they aren't, time and time again... meah. But really on a large scale, the numbers are staggering.
Im tired. Just so unbelievably tired of all of it. Trying to make friends, talking to humans, interacting even on the most basic level at work, it's all just tiresome.
I just have to keep reminding myself of the things that are coming up soon; that this is why I am doing these things like working at a place the other employees disrespect me personally by attacking what I wear and indirectly by not even showing the least bit of consideration in that I work extremely hard to make sure that the store is clean, and picked up for the next person, vacuumed, the trash is disposed of, the glass has been wiped down... but no one does the same for me, Im the one that's supposed to do it for everyone. Im not a janitor, I don't get paid extra to clean up after people, I just want the same common decency that I show them; it's also why Im in bloody UMUC classes where Im surrounded by idiots. People that are military members just trying to get their next rank in their job, or ones that are my age but their favourite past time is "drinking man, getting really fucking trashed" and middle-aged housewives that are so conservative, that their main discussions are about fabric softener and their children. Im doing these last classes that I detest in order to have my associates degree so I can transfer for the third time to another school that has people my own age and where Im not the constant example of someone being "different, weird, rebellious," or any other array of fun words...
Im not a novelty. Im just me. Yes, I have piercings, tattoos, multicoloured hair and lots of jewelry, but Christ in a bucket... I don't know what to say... Im just sick of it.
Soon Posie will come, and Ill have someone around that I can do things with. It gets tiresome to constantly be surrounded by wonderful things, beautiful and lovely, and not be able to appreciate them fully, to feel wonderful and happy because there's no one that can share it. Yes I just got done bitching about how I hate people, but I do hate people, but I love having someone that's not like the rest of them that will understand it.
Soon enough Ill be in my very own little apartment in Chicago, yes after the initial time in southern Illinois, with my parents still... but then Ill be able to move; all by me onesys, in my own little place that I can paint and decorate in my very own way.... and Ill go to a real school, where Im not the youngest in my class, and I can do art again....
Sigh.
I am excited about going back to school in the fall too. Spending this much time with my parents is starting to get to me. but ya know i think I needed to get away from my life for a while and just relax and not worry about stuff.
So you are getting your own apartment? Do you get to live alone???? I would love too. Rent is just so expensive. Actually I would love to live with just one person but I don't think that will happen soon