masterfrederick

Well, once again, the Portland Pirate Festival has come 'round... This year I actually went. Not too bad, though I would like to have been hired for it. Every year,they get a fire act. Every year, people come back saying,"Not too bad, but nothing compared to Fire and Steel." You'd think they'd have heard by now. Either way, I didn't write this to complain. I wrote this to tell you some of the humorous parts of my day.

See, I got dressed up to go down there for a few hours, mostly to pick something up for Lorelai. As we waited for the bus, there was pretty much no letup to the looks, stares, and jawdropping from the passing motorists. I had a hard time not laughing. Sometimes a kid would point, gasp and say things like "MOMMA! THERE'S A PIRATE OUT THERE!!!" And Momma would say "No there isn't, quit ly-- Oh my, well I guess there IS!" And more than a few "ARRRGH's" from folks driving by were heard.

I got down there after finding out that it was OHMYGODFAROUTINBUMFUCKEGYPT... And pay my 15 bucks to get in. The price seems steep until you look at the program: All proceeds go toward the Children's Make-A-Wish Foundation. Well, fuck it then, that changes things. Seriously. Or would you like to tell a bedridden kid with cancer that her last wish isn't important enough to drop 15 bucks on your little diversion? I didn't think so. So stop bitching about the price. I did, once I read the fine print.

There was all sorts of entertainment to be had, including B.O.O.M., or the "Brotherhood Of Oceanic Moercenaries." They put on kind of a pirate's variety hour show. Most impressive to me was the dueling Irish stepdancers. There was a lad of about 16 going toe to toe (pun not intended, and it doesn't get more literal than that) with a lass of about 18, and the boy had MOVES. I mean, damn. She had moves too, but he had more going on than she did. I don't know how long they had been learning, but I admire the hell out of anyone that can do that. Captain Bogg and Salty, though I have never personally liked their music, were playing to the crowd. There was also a couple there with the most AMAZING trained parrots. These beautiful birds (they had about 20, of all breeds) were trained to fly 300 foot loops over the audience, and some were even trained to retrieve cash from the hands of audience members willing to contribute to the hat.

I went there primarily to retrieve some fabric from a merchant there, and did so. There were many merchants there, including Rampant Lion, who had a triple barrel flintlock there that I REALLY fucking want. I also spied a few others I'd like, including the Henry Morgan blunderbuss replica. Turns out there were two guns made by the same smith for Morgan, and they have both been reproduced for manufacture in the replica market. I now want both. There were plenty other merchants there, but I only spent time with those I know. Captain Benevento was there, along with his lady. I know I should remember the name of his booth, but alas, I do not. Good folks, though, with lots of clothing, accessories and tons of fun items for this little game of "let's Pretend" we call the SCA, or pretty much any other LARP group/gathering.

After a while, meeting and greeting, I had had my photograph taken by no less than 50 people, about 3/4 of which had posed with me for the opportunity. Some I gave my card to, so I could get a copy of the pictures. One was an obvious photography student, and I look forward to getting copies of the pics she took. I'll share them here when I get them.

Anyhow, I spent about three hours there, then I decided it was time to eat or fall the fuck over. I mean, seriously, I was light-headed. Looking around at the many booths, I quickly decided that faire food was obscenely overpriced. So I left, figuring I could make it home and eat there. I was nearly to the bus stop when I saw a sign from the heavens...



I thought to myself: "Self." I said, "This is where you dine. NOW." So I went in and ordered up. I even let the girl behind the counter talk me into speaking like the stereotypical Hollywood Pirate when I orderded. She thought it was funny and gave me my number,all the while lamenting that she couldn't go. As I ate, I carefully took off the wristband that you get as proof of admission, and with the adhesive strip still intact, I gave it to her as I left. (Hey, I'm a fucking PIRATE. If I can help someone else along on the road to becoming a pirate, then so be it.)

A few more pictures, a lot more looks and a long bus ride later, and I was finally home. Not a bad day. Not a bad day at all.