Okay ladies and gents (as well as the vagabonds and ragamuffins) now is time for the oddyssey that was my Hawaiian escapade!
Day one
I'm supposed to be on Air Canada flight 106, which was scheduled to leave for Vancouver at 1:30. Air Canada cancelled a flight, so they gave all of those bumped passengers priority seating, which bumped everyone who was supposed to be on my flight into the wonders that are Pearson international airport's finely overpriced goods and services. The next flight, by some stroke of fate- well, I missed that too. From what it appeared to be, the ill-fated passengers got sacked. We got to get shuffled from gate to gate, and got to have the privilage to watch people for these other flights get on with no hassle. And Air Canada, in their epitome of customer service excellence, they didn't really think they should offer meal vouchers, or compensation for people (like me) who even though our tickets were paid for months in advance, got to miss our connecting flights and get to spend the night in the awesomeness that is an airport hotel- which suck extra hard when your flight the next day isnt until 6 PM and then you have to check out before Noon.
This sort of blended into day two. Let's just say I had a lot of time to read my books. ( for those of you who wish to know, it was a re-read of Jennifer Government
Make it into Maui at about 11 PM on day two. Thank you Air Canada! You started my vacation in the best way ever!
Day Three
Went out with my siblings, and got to get a quick surfing lesson from what they gleaned from their lesson from the day before- which I seemed to pick up on fine enough, (although I think I'd need a lot of practice to be even HALF-decent) We met up with the parents and grandfolks, and we went off to go snorkeling and see some wildlife, which we ended up on a lava-rock beach, which had a massive shore break. We decided to not risk getting shredded on the rocks on the beach, until...
Day Four!
We had to be out of the door for two in the morning, to make it for our tour, which took us up 10,000 feet to see the crater on the top of a volcano (I can't remember the name, it started with an H and had like eight A's in it) We got to watch the sunrise, which we all got too cold to watch the whole thing (it get's a little frosty that high up with just a windbreaker) and we got right to the meat of the trip- Riding bikes down the entire mountain right to the beach. 39 miles, which wasn't as straining as you'd figure, seeing as we never had to pedal. We did, however, have to watch out for falling over the edge of the cliffs on every one of the bajillion hairpin turns. We had two other people who were around with out group, one of which pretty much got told to go sit in the van so she wouldn't end up getting killed. We got to go through six climate zones, and see a lot of nifty wildlife and plants. After we all made it safely to the end and we were getting driven back to the hotel, our one guide, asked us if we wanted to hear the horror stories of what has happened on the exact same run we just finished. The stories include, but are not limited to (he didn't have time to tell us all of them)
-Eight deaths, including the most recent one who crossed the double lines into the front of a tour bus)
-A woman who biffed within 30 feet of the start of the run and ended up not only bashing into some lava rock, (which as we were told, would give you stitches regardless of how hard or sort you wiped out on them) also ended up getting internal bleeding. After waiting over an hour for an ambulance, her family still went on the rest of the bike trip without her. (and people say I'M mean)
-Someone who flew off the edge of a cliff and got cut up really bad and broke their femur after she passed out from hypoxia. Her husband, after the fact, asked the guide if he should have mentioned that she passes out in high altitudes.
Day Five
Went to the site of an old whalers village (interesting factiod, they used to get young guy's piss ass drunk and load them onto the whaling ships and make them earn their keep. They also were billed for everything they ate, wore, drank etc. on the trip, so once they got back to shore, they often had to pay their kidnappers) This whalers village was now a little tourist trap of a town with a million little shitty old lady jewellery stores. After this, we embarked on a plantation tour and got to learn all about all the crazy ass plants. This whole thing tested my willpower to the max, I mean, these papayas as big as my head just hanging off a tree within arm's reach. Yep, I definitely got the bug in me to steal me some exotic treats... I didn't know when I would get the chance.. if ever...
Day Five
This day we went off to do a proper, guided, non suicidal snorkeling trip. As luck would have it, this time of year is the time that humback whales get their humpin' on, (I'd get into the details of why's and all that, but I'm lazy as a union man)so we saw many of them, breaching and waving and doing all that cool national geographic shit. We had one come withing about twenty metres of the boat, seriously cool, although the inconsiderate endangered species never really made for good photo ops. Bastards! The sea turtles, however were just like the ones in Finding Nemo, all dopey looking and mellow. They got within arms reach of me, and again, I'm not allowed to touch. Turtles are like the strippers of the sea, look but no touchy. On the drive home, I managed to nearly scare the shit outta my Granddad, but I say some trees with coconuts hanging off of them, and come hell or high water, I would get one. I did one better, I got THREE. Then, after meeting up with my brother and dad, we went out to go see a local comedy show. It was in the style of 'who's line is it anyway' except the guys doing it were just running through a bunch of games that my class would do as warm ups when I was in school, and overall, they weren't doing them very well. So, when they asked the audience for a volunteer, I hopped up there without hesitation. They took me aside to explain the game, and I could tell by their reactions that they were NOT expecting anyone but your standard introvert tourist who's afraid of performing. So I'm playing the game and the audience was in tears from laughing so hard. My family told me afterwards that I was the best part of the show and they didn't get any pictures because they were laughing too hard
Day Six
My brother rented a jeep and we went out to fufil his quest to see a waterfall. Best place for that is on the road to Hana. Which is kinda like a one laned road along cliffs. Picture Jurassic Park. It was like that. I got some cool pictures from this, and I don't think words can do them justice. My brother, however is not what you'd call a cautious driver, and there were a few parts where me and my sister yelled at him for driving like a suicidal retard. Somehow, I don't think getting pureed by tree branches, and then crushed into paste by the rocks would be a good bookend to my vacation.
Day seven-(eight?)
Left for home. Made my connecting flight by five minutes, got here. Wrote this.
FIN!
Day one
I'm supposed to be on Air Canada flight 106, which was scheduled to leave for Vancouver at 1:30. Air Canada cancelled a flight, so they gave all of those bumped passengers priority seating, which bumped everyone who was supposed to be on my flight into the wonders that are Pearson international airport's finely overpriced goods and services. The next flight, by some stroke of fate- well, I missed that too. From what it appeared to be, the ill-fated passengers got sacked. We got to get shuffled from gate to gate, and got to have the privilage to watch people for these other flights get on with no hassle. And Air Canada, in their epitome of customer service excellence, they didn't really think they should offer meal vouchers, or compensation for people (like me) who even though our tickets were paid for months in advance, got to miss our connecting flights and get to spend the night in the awesomeness that is an airport hotel- which suck extra hard when your flight the next day isnt until 6 PM and then you have to check out before Noon.
This sort of blended into day two. Let's just say I had a lot of time to read my books. ( for those of you who wish to know, it was a re-read of Jennifer Government
Make it into Maui at about 11 PM on day two. Thank you Air Canada! You started my vacation in the best way ever!
Day Three
Went out with my siblings, and got to get a quick surfing lesson from what they gleaned from their lesson from the day before- which I seemed to pick up on fine enough, (although I think I'd need a lot of practice to be even HALF-decent) We met up with the parents and grandfolks, and we went off to go snorkeling and see some wildlife, which we ended up on a lava-rock beach, which had a massive shore break. We decided to not risk getting shredded on the rocks on the beach, until...
Day Four!
We had to be out of the door for two in the morning, to make it for our tour, which took us up 10,000 feet to see the crater on the top of a volcano (I can't remember the name, it started with an H and had like eight A's in it) We got to watch the sunrise, which we all got too cold to watch the whole thing (it get's a little frosty that high up with just a windbreaker) and we got right to the meat of the trip- Riding bikes down the entire mountain right to the beach. 39 miles, which wasn't as straining as you'd figure, seeing as we never had to pedal. We did, however, have to watch out for falling over the edge of the cliffs on every one of the bajillion hairpin turns. We had two other people who were around with out group, one of which pretty much got told to go sit in the van so she wouldn't end up getting killed. We got to go through six climate zones, and see a lot of nifty wildlife and plants. After we all made it safely to the end and we were getting driven back to the hotel, our one guide, asked us if we wanted to hear the horror stories of what has happened on the exact same run we just finished. The stories include, but are not limited to (he didn't have time to tell us all of them)
-Eight deaths, including the most recent one who crossed the double lines into the front of a tour bus)
-A woman who biffed within 30 feet of the start of the run and ended up not only bashing into some lava rock, (which as we were told, would give you stitches regardless of how hard or sort you wiped out on them) also ended up getting internal bleeding. After waiting over an hour for an ambulance, her family still went on the rest of the bike trip without her. (and people say I'M mean)
-Someone who flew off the edge of a cliff and got cut up really bad and broke their femur after she passed out from hypoxia. Her husband, after the fact, asked the guide if he should have mentioned that she passes out in high altitudes.
Day Five
Went to the site of an old whalers village (interesting factiod, they used to get young guy's piss ass drunk and load them onto the whaling ships and make them earn their keep. They also were billed for everything they ate, wore, drank etc. on the trip, so once they got back to shore, they often had to pay their kidnappers) This whalers village was now a little tourist trap of a town with a million little shitty old lady jewellery stores. After this, we embarked on a plantation tour and got to learn all about all the crazy ass plants. This whole thing tested my willpower to the max, I mean, these papayas as big as my head just hanging off a tree within arm's reach. Yep, I definitely got the bug in me to steal me some exotic treats... I didn't know when I would get the chance.. if ever...
Day Five
This day we went off to do a proper, guided, non suicidal snorkeling trip. As luck would have it, this time of year is the time that humback whales get their humpin' on, (I'd get into the details of why's and all that, but I'm lazy as a union man)so we saw many of them, breaching and waving and doing all that cool national geographic shit. We had one come withing about twenty metres of the boat, seriously cool, although the inconsiderate endangered species never really made for good photo ops. Bastards! The sea turtles, however were just like the ones in Finding Nemo, all dopey looking and mellow. They got within arms reach of me, and again, I'm not allowed to touch. Turtles are like the strippers of the sea, look but no touchy. On the drive home, I managed to nearly scare the shit outta my Granddad, but I say some trees with coconuts hanging off of them, and come hell or high water, I would get one. I did one better, I got THREE. Then, after meeting up with my brother and dad, we went out to go see a local comedy show. It was in the style of 'who's line is it anyway' except the guys doing it were just running through a bunch of games that my class would do as warm ups when I was in school, and overall, they weren't doing them very well. So, when they asked the audience for a volunteer, I hopped up there without hesitation. They took me aside to explain the game, and I could tell by their reactions that they were NOT expecting anyone but your standard introvert tourist who's afraid of performing. So I'm playing the game and the audience was in tears from laughing so hard. My family told me afterwards that I was the best part of the show and they didn't get any pictures because they were laughing too hard
Day Six
My brother rented a jeep and we went out to fufil his quest to see a waterfall. Best place for that is on the road to Hana. Which is kinda like a one laned road along cliffs. Picture Jurassic Park. It was like that. I got some cool pictures from this, and I don't think words can do them justice. My brother, however is not what you'd call a cautious driver, and there were a few parts where me and my sister yelled at him for driving like a suicidal retard. Somehow, I don't think getting pureed by tree branches, and then crushed into paste by the rocks would be a good bookend to my vacation.
Day seven-(eight?)
Left for home. Made my connecting flight by five minutes, got here. Wrote this.
FIN!
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
judypatricia:
You'll be happy to know your drama-queen girlfriend's still alive and kickin'. And even though I made you tell me all this on the phone last night, I did manage to read this entry. 
judypatricia:
If you can, call me tonight please.