Money may not be able to buy happiness, but it works as a pretty decent misery and stress reducer. At least walking is still free (which it should be, considering how slow it is as a means to get around- and it doesn't pollute enough to be profitable) the seasons changing, I can feel it in by bones. I can feel it in the numb fingers and the crisp air. The seasons gone and changed and left me behind. I think my problem (among many, I'm really quite self depricating despite all my belligerence- I admit to what I'm good at and what I'm bad at just as quickly) is that I lack focus. when my life has nothing propelling it forward I can't find the drive to stay on a path. I see so many I want to take and just can't pick one. I think that's my Achilles heel, my dual nature. And in hindsight I always find the stupidest things funny. Like how one of the few times I was able to stick with reading or writing every day wasn't when I was in school, but when I was drudging at an office job I never planned on staying at. I think some of the best things I ever wrote were during that time (and in hindsight wish I made copies of it before I gave the book away) I write well when I'm drunk, I think it's because my brain loses some of the little stepping stone blocks that get in my way when I'm sober. I like writing when I'm alone in a crowded bar, where I can feel the air go electric with human nature. I haven't sat down to write anything in a while. My life, my day to day life since I moved has been lacking. I know that it has been because I can't even describe what it is thats missing. At least when things are going terrible where I know what will solve my problem, I have something to go after to make things better. Try living with me, you'll see that one thing I do with insane frequency is rearrange my surroundings. In the two years I was in school, I rearranged my 7 by 9 foot rooms configuration well over a dozen times. I rearranged the living room on a tri-weekly basis. I think it's the part of me that likes to have control over my surroundings, sort of my subconsciouses way of always being master of my own destiny. I guess that's probably what has been the biggest thorn in my paw, is that this situation I've thrown myself into feels far to destined for my liking. This lack of ability to assert power to make my situation better along the path I want is what is driving me to my mania. I don't like feeling weak, and that is exactly what I am right now, whether I like it or not.
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Second, I am definitely going to talk to the faculty advisor on Monday. She's always good at giving guidance and helping people with situations like this. The guy is actually one strike away from losing his job. Something like this would have to go into mediation, I'm sure, but it could potentially cost him his job. The only problem is the editor-in-chief already approached me about taking this asshat's place if he ever gets fired, so feasibly this guy could try to come back with that. This isn't about that, though, and I have a number of emails and witnesses to prove it. At the very least the guy needs some sensitivity classes. And maybe a cold dose of reality.
Anyway, thanks for the support. I really do appreciate it.
By the way, did you know that (supposedly) many well-known writers have written for WWN at some point just to escape the mundanity of their jobs? Shoot, I think it might be kind of fun to write a Batboy story. I mean, come on, there's truth in journalism right there!
I don't know if I even told you this already, but I liked (a lot) that you seemed to be pretty happy when I was around--aside from the whole murderous plague thing going on. So...that was good. I wish you seemed happier all around, though. I can't do that miserable-bastard stuff anymore.
I miss you. Can't you win the lottery or something?