Fears...
We all have them, right? Apparently every single person is born with two natural fears: the fear of loud noises, and the fear of falling. I read once that doctors used to make a loud noise behind a newborn babies head to test for deafness. If the baby cried, it could hear: if the baby didn't cry, it was deaf.
I'm trying to think logically about my biggest fear… it's hard to pin down just one.
Common fears tend to be: heights, dying, spiders, drowning, loss.
I actually really like heights. In fact, the higher up I am the safer I feel. I do not fear heights, nor do I fear falling any more. Ever since I was little I liked heights and proved that by being the only child (male or female) to volunteer to go first to abseil down a massive tree at a school trip to an adventure camp. Nobody wanted to do it because each of my classmates was scared but I couldn't get up that tree fast enough!
I used to only be comfortable sleeping in a bunk bed high up because when I was little I believed that none of the monsters from my closet would be able to climb up and find me. That idea followed me through to adulthood in the sense that a lot of the things I'm scared of happen at ground level only.
I don't think I fear death either. I may just be uninformed, because I have never been 'at death's door' before, I've never had a near death experience, and I've never 'seen the light'. Perhaps in a situation where I was literally clinging on for my life I'd feel differently, but I don't fear death as it's a natural part of life. It happens to each of us and the majority of the time we cannot control how, when or where it happens. I like to accept my fate as it comes, and death will be an inevitable part of that.
Spiders are an entirely different story. I. Fucking. Hate. Spiders. Nope. No. Not happening. Never. Gone. Done. Cya. Goodbye.
I cannot think of many worse things than spiders. I don't have a particular reason for this - I've never had a bad experience with a spider… they just creep me out. The way their legs are formed, all arched and hairy… eurgh. They give me the heebie-jeebies. Tiny little house spiders are okay, because I can just squish them (sorry spider lovers, it's every man for himself) but I know a couple of people with pet spiders (like tarantulas) and they make my spine shudder with fear and disgust haha! Yuck!
I'm not usually in water, so a fear of drowning is never prevalent in my life, but I can't imagine it would be a terribly enjoyable experience.
Loss is a big fear to me. Loss is, of course, a loose word. People can lose a lot of things.
Loss of family is obviously a terrible thing. I've lost quite a few friends and family members in my life (haven't we all?) and it's always a saddening experience. Some losses are easy to get over (like losing your bus ticket, or losing a hair tie) but the loss of a person stays with you forever.
Financial loss has been quite a distressing element of my life also. When I was little I believed I lived quite a privileged life. I lived in a medium sized three-bed detached house with a big front and back grass garden to play in, nice toys, a car that I was driven around in, nice food, nice clothes, etc. I guess my impression may be slightly tainted by my age at the time but I was under the impression we were alright, in terms of wealth.
Turns out my parents were in a lot of credit card debt, and that my Dad lived outside his means for more years than he could afford. A combination of personal and business debts meant that we were forced into a difficult financial situation where we lost near enough everything. While I don't have a lot to lose at my young age (I don't have assets like a house, etc), I fear that I will end up like my parents having lost everything. I am determined to do all that I can to have a financially stable future and I think a large part of that is driven by fear of loss.
Loss of memory is the last loss I'll speak about. I could go on for days about loss but I'm getting carried away as it is. My great-grandma was a beautiful, intelligent and kind lady whom I loved very much. When I was little I used to wait every Wednesday after school for my Grandad to finish work, then he'd take me to visit her in the old folks home. She had Alzheimer's disease and was unable to live independently any more. She was in her nineties when this happened though, so she managed to live a good and long life before her mind went too dramatically. Of all the great-grandchildren, the only one she truly remembered was me. In all family photos at Christmas, etc I was always the one on her knee getting a cuddle because I was the one she remembered. She was an incredibly special lady to me, and the fact she remembered me of all people was an incredible honour.
I fear losing my memory because I saw how it effected her and I can't imagine how frustrating it must be. I want all of my future kin to know that I remember them and so I hope that I maintain my mind for as long as possible.
Having said all that, I think my biggest fear is loss.
What about you?
I haven't posted a picture in a while so here's my new shorter hair!
And for those who keep up with my website - there's a special little deal on in aid of me funding my first grown up watch haha.
Let me know about your biggest fear and why!
Love always,
Maisie
