I'll be treating this entry, as a journal entry. It will be completely raw, and organic. So i apologize if the grammar is off or any other little pesky misused words.
Todays blackheart burlesque rehearsal was rough. We watched over the show we did at comic con, and there were some flaws. I take criticism personally. I cant help it. I just do. But thats not exactly why i felt todays rehearsal was so intense. i have confidence issues. i believe in modestly and humility, and apparently it shows when i'm dancing. i'm not dancing hard enough. Its not because my heart isnt there, i'm just worried that if i enjoy watching myself dancing in the mirror too much, i'll become narcissistic. So I hold back... How do i get out of my own head. How do i dance with confidence and not let it come across as vanity. is vanity the word i'm looking for? this is really bothering me. How can i stick to my Buddhist beliefs when being a dancer literally means "look at me, look at what i can do" if that makes any sense at all. I think I just need to dig deep, and come up with a reason why i'm dancing in the first place.
