JOURNAL:
So I just finished my meetings with some of our subcontractors and my stepfather. We are bringing ourselves out of this mess.. but it is going to be close.
I asked him to bring in someone to help me set up the office, so I can MAKE SURE I am handling all this properly. I am so unsure of myself these days... and it is showing in my personality and decisions.
Lots of people have been around, met a few new ones. I have been quite the little slut lately... I think I am acting out. The only reason why I do it is because I want to be loved...
Now I know you guys do not want to hear my sappy stories of woe from my childhood... it might be painfully apparently to some of you though. But when I am not feeling loved or appreciated, I start fucking around with other people... even in relationships. It is a pattern that I have seemingly followed most of my semi-adult life... I know why I am upset though...
my Prince Charming. He is MIA. I have not heard from him, I have not seen him, nothing. I have no idea what is going on. The only conclusion I can come up with is that, after the surgery, all the talking we did and the warming up was the result of him facing his mortality. Now that it is not a concern, perhaps the things said were not meant. I honestly do not know what else to think - and it would not be in his character... but how am I to know for sure?
I do not know what is real now, what is fake, and who to trust, if anyone at all. I have my house, my dogs, and my dad (stepfather, but he will be "dad" now). That is it. Everyone else just is a shadow of reality to me... and I feel like I am shutting down.
I will be okay... I must be depressed or something. Oh well, like all things, this too will pass..........
Oh and I get to VOTE today!!!! Have to drive to Venice though... should leave now. I have to fix this computer and bring some work too... will be seeing the ex today as well but too much is to be done for THAT to be a concern...
later, mahalo, and BLAH!
~ the angel*
So I just finished my meetings with some of our subcontractors and my stepfather. We are bringing ourselves out of this mess.. but it is going to be close.
I asked him to bring in someone to help me set up the office, so I can MAKE SURE I am handling all this properly. I am so unsure of myself these days... and it is showing in my personality and decisions.
Lots of people have been around, met a few new ones. I have been quite the little slut lately... I think I am acting out. The only reason why I do it is because I want to be loved...
Now I know you guys do not want to hear my sappy stories of woe from my childhood... it might be painfully apparently to some of you though. But when I am not feeling loved or appreciated, I start fucking around with other people... even in relationships. It is a pattern that I have seemingly followed most of my semi-adult life... I know why I am upset though...
my Prince Charming. He is MIA. I have not heard from him, I have not seen him, nothing. I have no idea what is going on. The only conclusion I can come up with is that, after the surgery, all the talking we did and the warming up was the result of him facing his mortality. Now that it is not a concern, perhaps the things said were not meant. I honestly do not know what else to think - and it would not be in his character... but how am I to know for sure?
I do not know what is real now, what is fake, and who to trust, if anyone at all. I have my house, my dogs, and my dad (stepfather, but he will be "dad" now). That is it. Everyone else just is a shadow of reality to me... and I feel like I am shutting down.
I will be okay... I must be depressed or something. Oh well, like all things, this too will pass..........
Oh and I get to VOTE today!!!! Have to drive to Venice though... should leave now. I have to fix this computer and bring some work too... will be seeing the ex today as well but too much is to be done for THAT to be a concern...
later, mahalo, and BLAH!
~ the angel*
VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
wurly:
i voted in venice. it felt good. i wish the end result was better though.
dade37:
girl getting laid there is nothing wrong with that, but if you are in a relatioship and do that it s hurts believe me it has been done to me in every one i have had. As far as feeling loved, because you get all the attention during sex so. but smile we still love you 
