m0use

I've been in the most horrible of sicknesses this week. I know it was too be expected. I lost someone who has been more prominent and important in my life the past 3 years than nearly anyone else, even if she was tiny and non-human. Then Monday came and went without a thought -- it would have been my father's birthday. What would have happened, were he alive? I would have forgotten until some pop culture news reel mentioned the anniversary of Elvis' death and i would have said "oh yeah, that's my father's birthday, isn't it?" Or maybe my mother would call me and gently prompt me to buy some cheap gestural greeting card to send to him and i probably wouldn't have, deciding that maybe "next year" i would reconcile with him. That option of course has been taken away from me now, and this changes everything.
So, this week, i act out. I become sick, of mind and body. Disordered, is the best way to put it. My body does it's fibromyalgic thing of it's own accord, perhaps encouraged by the stress and lack of sleep. I binge on food in bizaare patterns (I was on the Master Cleanse for a successful three days before Yuki's passing, and since then have not been able to care an iota about my health or healthy eating patterns). I call out sick from work despite my lack of sick days or vacation time left. And i just feel like i just don't care.
What i do care about, for certain, is my new terrifying obsession with Neutral Milk Hotel. Yes indeed. Can not listen to almost anything else but.