Same topic..
But as months have passed I realised something.
Or like there's only 1 friend I can discuss this issue with for a couple of important reasons... Because she's not sending me nudes.. I'm still confused.
So today at lunch I got bullied
I've never said such a thing, because it has never happened... but given the circumstances and the long standing confusion I don't know if I'm in the wrong by even questioning why they don't send nudes or what happens if they do. Nothing good happens.
It's not a neat half or anywhere close to it but in the last few years being on Snapchat some have sent nudes, some don't. None do consistently.
I've been taking the none do consistently as the litmus for what people think of me. They realize I don't ask because I don't care and I'm actually genuinely offering gifts no questions asked.
Recently though one of them that had that naughty Snapchat which all went to shit the literal second I momentarily lost my mind and accessed it. That was my bad.
I told her about it, and she's like well I wish you wouldn't have because it made an already shitty day shittier for her. And clearly she'd lost a trusted friend because of that betrayal. Which was on top of PayPal freezing her account.. just like bigo usually does when they ban people. 'fans' pay to send gifts then bigo bans the broadcasters and pocket all the money.
I felt bad about the PayPal because she'd pulled 1000 dollars into it but wasn't much I could have done about it. Other than not have put my nose into it in the first place.
Her personal business was none of mine.
Later that week though she's like someone hacked the naughty Snapchat and was leaking her stuff. They would have leaked it anyway but it was like why even bother leaking it? She said it was because someone was stalking her and trying their best to make her miserable.
My adding to it by betraying her trust, regardless of it being well meaning as I found a few sites hosting the leaks.. even though they refused to do any take downs without her explicitly demanding them to do it.. which was first hand dealing with shit I've only heard women have to put up with.. I understood the extra unnecessary harm that was done.
Lesserly dramatic there's the other one that sent unsolicited nudes but right afterwards said she regretted it.
We've never been close but at least we were friends, as far as online friendships go. The regret she feels I feared would go along with what she must think of me because I didn't ask for them but also it cooled an already cool friendship. Months later it feels like it's still impossible to find traction towards that friendship we had.
It isn't though that situation where that one guy just doesn't get the hint and won't leave and just keeps talking into a one sided conversation. But I'm not living in denial that it isn't that.. even though I realise I should just walk away.. I just don't try to strike up conversations knowing there's nothing there.
Both though asked me for gifts after the drama of nudes, and that's what's annoying me.
Typically they don't ask for gifts. Not that I mind. I've more or less refused to send gifts into an almost cold acquaintance.
What happened though was one other friend was having trouble so I sent her a phone and microphone so she could do a YouTube channel. That hasn't happened yet and she isn't talking to me anymore. I'm going to gloss over that for now because she's usually silent when she's concentrating on other guys.
The one with the naughty Snapchat though saw the gifts I'd given to my friend for her YouTube and she's like hey! why can't you give me stuff too?!
I almost found that outrageous. But simply pointed out that over months I'd offered her a replacement phone (which once sent tends to have them stop talking to me, don't know why) and microphone and camera also for her YouTube and music aspirations. She'd refused. She said she couldn't accept gifts like that.
So I didn't directly tell her no, only that I had just spent money I'd had aside but she was refusing the gifts since I met her.
A bit later she asked for some money for an internet tv service. I didn't refuse and told her to give me a couple of hours to wake up (she's on the other side of the world and I wasn't up for work when her snap came in).
So I sent the 30$. Nothing from her.
I followed up. Nothing.
I even checked with the online tv service if the money I'd spent could be transferred to other accounts so that she could have asked hundreds of people for a similar gift card only to then just resell them and pocket the money. They responded in 4 minutes with probably not likely but I also couldn't get my 30$ refunded.
Fucked again.
But after a week she's like what money?
Nothing since even when I sent a snap of the email with the coupon code.
I'm like are you fucking kidding me?!
So today when I was getting shit on I'm like this guy doesn't realize how on the money his attacks were.
I don't question my sexuality or lack thereof, or my life choices with regards to sending gifts without the expectation of anything in return.. but lately..
Mainly I'm asking why sending phones causes people to distance themselves. Literally only 1 friend that I sent something like that to still talks to me.
She's comfortable enough with me to know that I know she's attractive and ends up teasing me. But truth is that has nothing to do with it. Her looks don't matter to me at all. Only her happiness matters and what tiny amount of comfort I can provide where lately she doesn't even need that from me.
I tell this to my friend that keeps sending me topless but SFW streaks, as she calls them, modest snaps. Even though I've asked her multiple times to send nudes or don't send nudes but stop with the modest bullshit.. of course I just said it's not that I'm complaining about almost nudes, I just want her to send what she's comfortable with and I'm not in denial that saying anything about it is me asking for nudes without asking...
She's like well if you pay me.