luz

yo, dudes.

so school finally reopened today but i didn't go.

this is because i was up all fucking night having panic attacks!

first of all, i hate the term "panic attacks." in no way was i mentally panicking. when you tell someone, "i have these panic attacks," they immediately say, "oh, what's wrong; what are you panicking about?"

here's the deal. if i have a "panic attack," it is something i wake up with. i never -- or should i say, rarely -- have a panic attack that begins in waking life. instead, i just wake up, usually in the middle of the night, and my body is undergoing a physical reaction much as one would have if, say,

a maniac was chasing you with a hatchet.

or,

you're being eaten by a shark.

it's a totally physical thing, and all this adrenaline is surging through your body. for me, the only thing that would seem to be a comfort during one of these episodes would be to bust into a run screaming down the street.

see, during a "panic attack," that's what your body feels is appropriate action...

however inappropriate this would be for a naked girl at 4 in the a.m.

oh yeah, that's right: naked.

so to compensate for my lack of attendance at school, i read all day: paradise lost, of course, as well as camus' the plague.

camus rocks, y'all.

so now gimme shock treatment.

god. or at least a bong hit.

or maybe one of you boys could give me a dong hit.

later.