Hey kids, it's time for luxnova's NON-PATENTED SUPER-STRINGENT DATE APPLICATION EXAM 2000-MILLENIUM PLUS FOUR SUPER SPECIAL EDITION, THE REVENGE (DIRECTOR'S CUT) (TM)!
So, you've done what everybody else has and fallen madly in love with the one, the only, luxnova. However, since he is the most desirable man on the planet (tm), he requires you take the following exam in order to be considered for many nights of mediocre, semi-satisfying sex and top-notch snuggling!
PART ONE: YES OR NO.
1. Is 6 inches enough?
2. Do you have what you'd consider a "high mediocrity tolerance"?
3. Are you willing to pay for just about everything?
4. Are you accepting of a boyfriend who spends money on worthless shit like "cool-ass Japanese toys", cold cathode lights, and pink ties?
5. Do you enjoy listening to a stoned, overweight young man while he speaks about how the world has fucked him over?
IF YOU ANSWERED NO TO ANY OF THE ABOVE QUESTIONS, YOU ARE HEREBY DISQUALIFIED. IF YOU ANSWERED ANSWERED YES TO ALL OF THE ABOVE, YOU MAY ADVANCE TO THE ESSAY SECTION.
PART TWO: ESSAY
In this section, choose one of the following 3 essays. These will be graded subjectively using super-secret ancient cyborg ninja pirate criteria. You may submit your essay by replying to this journal entry.
1. Describe your first sexual encounter-with either yourself or an inanimate object-and how it affected you, your pet, and the Roman Catholic Church.
2. List your 5 favorite things about luxnova and how each one makes you tingle in your bathing suit area.
3. Write a proposal for a musical based on the life of luxnova. Include potential song titles, casting descisions, set design, lyrics, etc.
I hope you enjoyed taking this test. If you pass the test, you will recieve an email with instructions on how to proceed with the dating application process.
So, you've done what everybody else has and fallen madly in love with the one, the only, luxnova. However, since he is the most desirable man on the planet (tm), he requires you take the following exam in order to be considered for many nights of mediocre, semi-satisfying sex and top-notch snuggling!
PART ONE: YES OR NO.
1. Is 6 inches enough?
2. Do you have what you'd consider a "high mediocrity tolerance"?
3. Are you willing to pay for just about everything?
4. Are you accepting of a boyfriend who spends money on worthless shit like "cool-ass Japanese toys", cold cathode lights, and pink ties?
5. Do you enjoy listening to a stoned, overweight young man while he speaks about how the world has fucked him over?
IF YOU ANSWERED NO TO ANY OF THE ABOVE QUESTIONS, YOU ARE HEREBY DISQUALIFIED. IF YOU ANSWERED ANSWERED YES TO ALL OF THE ABOVE, YOU MAY ADVANCE TO THE ESSAY SECTION.
PART TWO: ESSAY
In this section, choose one of the following 3 essays. These will be graded subjectively using super-secret ancient cyborg ninja pirate criteria. You may submit your essay by replying to this journal entry.
1. Describe your first sexual encounter-with either yourself or an inanimate object-and how it affected you, your pet, and the Roman Catholic Church.
2. List your 5 favorite things about luxnova and how each one makes you tingle in your bathing suit area.
3. Write a proposal for a musical based on the life of luxnova. Include potential song titles, casting descisions, set design, lyrics, etc.
I hope you enjoyed taking this test. If you pass the test, you will recieve an email with instructions on how to proceed with the dating application process.