I sometimes feel like I'm two people. The feeling is more than just two different personality traits or situational adaptation. It is more like I am two people in one body. The fluctuation of the two is completely involuntary. One of my persons is good with people, sure of herself, and bubbly. The other person is introverted, dark, and sarcastic.
The two persons idea has been a prevalent thought since I was able to remember forming thoughts. In my teenage years I didn't sleep for 72 hours and my mom was worried. A therapist referred to it as bipolar disorder. Disorder..? Am I broken or crazy? Can I be trusted? Can I trust myself? I always preferred the cool, calm, and collected girl because she was pretty and light and made it easy to navigate the world. However, as I have matured, I have very much grown to appreciate the dark and "bitchy" girl because of her strength and ability to set firm boundaries.
I took the pills for a while, but then turned to yoga to try and understand the different women. Yoga has changed me from within. The women are still there but I have sharpened my ability to observe and accept. Yogis do a savasana at the end of a practice which is lying flat on your back with you arms by your side and palms facing upward. It is the universal sign of surrender. I have learned to surrender to what is.
The point of this blog is that bipolar disorder has never held me back when I really think about it. It's just something that is. It might even be a super power I haven't fully discovered. Can anyone else relate to the two people concept?
