HALIFAX
That motherfucking dirt bag piece of shit Christian bastard I swear I am gonna cut his belly open and string him up by his own intestines and watch him slowly die. Chief Covey the motherfucker has made my life hell since day one of this horrific enterprise aboard the U.S.S Shilo. The fight happened in the middle of the passageway in front of the galley. The chief had it out for me from the day he found out I was divorcing my pregnant whore of a wife. He was a born again Christian and divorcing a pregnant cunt wasn’t acceptable to him especially when he found out I also had an Amazonian girlfriend here in Maine. I had been at sea for sixty days working seven days a week four AM till ten PM and many nights doing a 2 hour watch. Every other cook worked four on and three off but not me I was being punished for my lack of discipline and combative nature is what he told me but the truth was he had found out I was a Pagan or even a witch who was cheating on his wife and sleeping with another woman. And he did everything in his power to make me suffer. After 60 days in some of the roughest seas in the world we were pulling into Halifax for a liberty call all the other cooks were getting 3 days in the real world but not me I had to cover for them and wasn’t getting one little drop of liberty. The only reason I didn’t knock him out was that my bro Casey Jones grabbed me and drug me away had he not I would have killed that motherfucker right there and then.
Casey chilled me out and I started to formulate a plan to get some freedom. You must understand that mentally at that point I didn’t care if I lived or died I had been put through the wringer for to long now and the brig seemed like a welcome break. At this point I was 2 years into a six year stint and knew it was going to be coming to a end. Later in life I realized that this was the point that my madness began to consume me. I was having trouble controlling the violence coiled within me and had come to the motto which still fills me today, FUCK IT, FUCK IT, FUCK IT. That day we were gonna pull in, in the morning, before we arrived I went to the commissary and bought 6 cartons of Marlboro’s. I went down to berthing pulled out my civi backpack threw one of my two pairs of jeans some socks said fuck the underwear my note book and my shaving kit then crammed the smokes in and left it on the rack and closed my curtains. I went back to the galley and lost myself in my work we docked just a little after lunch everything was a hustle and bustle and I just played it cool cleaning up and getting ready to start dinner. I was ready I was cool calm and collected. The chief hated me but everyone else loved me I worked harder and more efficiently than anyone else in the galley and never lost my cool. All my fellow chefs knew I was the backbone of that galley and hated the chief for how he treated me.
My bro snoop the only black cook, whom I was good friends with. He had taken me to get my first tattoo in LA then took me home for dinner in Watts. I was the only white boy for blocks in that horribly destitute area. Bemoaned the fact that we couldn’t hang in Halifax as we walked topside to have a smoke. I bummed a Newport which I called nigcigs which always made him laugh and pointed and said “ya see dat bar right der”. Snoop said “yup” “well when you go on liberty wait there and ill meet ya” I said. “Fuck dude you goin Awol” “You know me snoop what do you think”. He shook his head and smiled, then screamed “FUCK THE MAN” I smiled looked him in the eyes and said “you know it nigger”. We did the ol brother hand shake and headed back to the galley. An hour later the liberty bell rang.
I bided my time I knew I needed to get the decks to clear before I could make my break you cant get off the ship without a liberty pass so I knew I would have to make the jump I went up to smoke a butt and assessed the situation it was a jump of about 20 feet but I would have to jump out almost 10 feet a fucking bitch but my mind was set I was gonna get wasted and fuck some Canadian pussy little did I know I would do far better than that. I turned around and headed back to the galley I needed to get my nerve up awol in a foreign port carries a thirty day sentence in jail and a bust down one pay grade I was fucking the man but he was gonna rape me up the ass in the end. Speaking of rape the Chief came strolling in his last command he had been a drill sergeant a company commander in navy speak and still treated everyone like they were ricky motherfucking recruit but by now I was salty and wise and looked at the chief and said “hey chief why don’t you let Brian off Boggs and I can handle dinner hardly anyone will be here for dinner.” I fucking hated Boggs nearly as much as the chief he was short and must have weighed 300 pounds and treated everyone like shit he would be cussing me out like a madman while he was alone in the galley that usually took 4 men to do a meal. “good idea Thanatos, Brian the liberty bell has rung.” Brian came over and thanked me he was a bud so he gave me a hug. I whispered in his ear as everyone made fag jokes “lose your liberty pass and make a scene so I can get off this bucket.” He smiled and headed for berthing I told the chief and Boggs I was gonna go take a dump and have another smoke before I got down to business and they were cool with that, I took more smoke breaks than anybody else because they knew when I got down to business I did the work of three people. I ran to berthing and smiled at Brian he was a bunk mate slept right above me and snored louder than thunder he smiled and asked “what’s your fuckin plan loser” “don’t worry about it just go to the bar right down the block that you can see from the ship and ill meet you there.” Alright motherfucker I hope you realize what your doing.” I just smiled the adrenaline was pumping as I ran to the head to wash the galley stench off me then put on my other pair of civis.
I crawled up the later and strolled to the port smoking deck one of the other cooks Stegar was smoking a cigarette before he went down to sleep, he always went to bed early and had to work tomorrow. He shook his head “Thanatos don’t do it its not worth it.” I just smiled took his cigarette and took a drag, “see you in three days john.” I climbed over the railing and looked at the quarterdeck Brian was making a huge fucking fuss I thought awesome he’s giving me the fifteen minutes I need to get away. I looked out and down it was far “this is gonna hurt I thought to myself” “FUCK IT” I said and jumped hit smooth rolled like a green beret out of a chopper and ran they never fucking noticed.
I boogied it and took a left to get out of sight of the ship. I have this philosophy that whenever in doubt in a city or the woods I take a left. I was looking for an ATM. I had forgot to get money aboard the USS Shithole. My wife was stealing every paycheck at this point but I never trusted her, so I had a couple grand socked up in a secret savings account.
I enjoyed the scenery all the streets were cobblestone and all the buildings were brick with beautiful hand painted signs above them. I felt like I had been swept away to some medieval village. I finally found an ATM and was pleasantly surprised that I could take out 500 dollars the ships ATM only let you take 200 in one day. I rambled down the street nice and slow and went into a few shops but didn’t buy anything there was no room in my pack and everything was really expensive I had roughly 750 Canadian dollars and really was just thinking about that first drink. I am a horrific alcoholic I had smuggled gallons of booze on the ship but had run out. I hadn’t had a drink in two weeks and couldn’t wait for that first Guinness and Jameson’s on the rocks.
I walked in the bar, to this day I have no idea what it was called. The whole place was done in black lights and glowing velvet pictures it was cheesy but really cool. I saw the bartender she was gorgeous five foot with raven black hair and a cigarette dangling from her lips as she poured a bunch of shots for one of the lieutenants aboard the ship, later I would learn that his name was Dump, that’s right Lt. Dump and he became one of my best buds. Black came ambling up to help the Lt. haul the drinks and saw me, smiled and said “you did it huh mutha.” “Hell yeah” I mumbled in a little bit of culture fuck. Lt. looked at us and said “did what nigger”, he was black and poor snoop and dump where the only black men in the whole city. Snoop cocked his head towards me and said “hes fuckin awol LT you wanna bus hm.” “Fuck that drink with us you crazy mother fucker you know this is a foreign fucking port the cap’n is gonna skin you alive.” I smiled and said “gimmee a minute and Ill be right over. I sat my pack down and the Hotty bartender came up and asked me what I wanted. I gave her my best salesman grin reached into my pack and pulled out a carton of Marlboro’s and set them on the counter. I had previously lived in Tijuana and was damn good at the fine dance of bartering but I wouldn’t have to barter here. I nodded at the carton and asked “how many drinks will that buy love” all the women in the world get weak in the knees when you call them love. Tee Hee. She looked at my open pack and said “darling if you throw one more in You and all your friends can drink for free the entire time your in port.” I smiled and she reached over the bar and kissed me on both cheeks. I thought this is gonna be good. She asked what I wanted I looked at my friends table and told her to give me the bottle of Jameson’s a pint of ice and to pour me a Guinness. I tiptoed it like an evil goblin to sit next to a beautiful Mexican girl that was at the table with dump and snoop and two other girls. They looked at me with a whole fifth of Irish and my Guinness and pint of ice with a tumbler on top all balanced like some alcoholic circus clown. I had a reputation to uphold. On the Shithole no one drank more than me or as fast as me nor could handle it as well and I was gonna prove it again. Introductions were made Lt dump whom I would call Major from then on which wasn’t a navy rank, Kelly who was a LT in the Canadian navy on leave and her two best friends who had flown in for the festivities. Kelly was thoroughly plain but she had a balls to the walls attitude and an amazing sense of humor. Brandy was her friend from London she was a scientist or something graduated from oxford which is where she met Kelly. Brandy had strawberry blond hair and the only strawberry blond pussy I have ever scene you could just pluck it and eat it if you know what I mean. Brandys accent was so heavy I could barely understand her but she was one of the first people Ive ever met that could and would drink like me; her and I got into a drinking contest the next night and we both agreed to call it a draw. Man she could put them down. Last was Gabrielle she was a Spaniard but she spoke perfect English. I found out that she was a Harvard graduate and a fucking lawyer in Spain and a god damn nymphomaniac. These girls just wanted to drink and fuck. They made us stay in the bar till almost 11 then we bought a ton of wine and headed for Kelly’s house. At that point I knew I had drank a whole fifth of Jameson’s and only the goddess knows how many beers. Dump could hold his booze and we became instant friends, I loved the major became the theme of the night, Officers are not allowed to fraternize with enlisted men and definitely not do what we were about to do, later after I was busted he pulled a lot of strings out of friendship to help me. A hell of a bad ass motherfucking big dick swinging lieutenant nigger. I had a boy crush on that crazy brother. Snoop cant handle his booze after the second time he puked on the floor the bartender told us he had to go so I grabbed my pack squeezed brandy tight and we rolled snoop out of that bar and headed for another that kelly recommended.
I pulled the same bargain in the next bar. I have never been to another bar like this in my entire life, it was in a basement and the size of a football field they only had three types of beer; light, medium and dark. The floor was covered in sawdust and all they had were rows of green picnic tables to sit at. I got two of each and brandy and I had the dark ones. Kelly told us they brewed their beer in house this was unheard of in 1992. Snoop was crying in his beer about his brothers who had died in gang wars in watts good ol gang bangers gone to the great Baucus. Dump was squeezing the Spaniards tits I never once called her by her name. And Brandy ooooooohhhh Brandy was treating me like I was a Pharaoh, hands down my pants, kissing me, telling me how bad she wanted me. She kept yelling at Kelly “lets go home I need this sailors cock inside me I need it now right fucking now I want him I need him I wont feel complete without it Kelly now, NOW, NOW, NOW” We were all completely crocked and completely horny. Even snoop despite his depressing diatribe. Finally Kelly said lets go.
A staggering dissident strange reality the brick buildings the other drunks screaming shit at us as we strolled by the harbor full of tall ships brandy touching me kissing me all of us falling after a few steps I was thinking there is no way Im gonna get hard drunk like this I tried to tell brandy but my mouth wasn’t working right I couldn’t believe I was conscious. We got there and it took ten minutes just for Kelly to get the door open. Snoop ran for the bathroom and the Spaniard followed him they were both puking in the toilet at the same time a real bonding experience. I didn’t know it but the festivities hadn’t even begun
Kelly and brandy started opening bottles of wine Kelly dropped a glass on the floor and said fuck it and handed each of us a bottle we sat on the couches and told stories. Suddenly Kelly grabbed the major by the hair and he started screaming I thought it was about to spiral out of control, I could picture the cops coming jail and then the motherfucking chief getting a hold of me but then Kelly screamed shut up I’m just taking you in the bedroom to fuck you. He shut up. Brandy and I were alone on the couch staring at one another. I was thinking Christ I have a wife and a girlfriend, do I want to cheat on them both, but my mind was set when she took off her shirt and bra she had the most magnificent tits I had ever seen huge and firm. Holy fuck I thought this is nuts as I reached for her. Suddenly from the bathroom the Spaniard started screaming like she was being stabbed to death. I thought that snoop had gone off the deep end and was killing her. I ran to the bathroom and threw open the door but they were just fucking she was a screamer. I said fuck it and went back to brandy took off the rest of her clothes and mine and settled into her mind, soul, and bodily I managed to lose myself in her. At that point in my life I had never witnessed a pussy as wonderful as that I must have spent hours buried in that muff and no matter how many times I came I was ready to go again. I know I made her happy, then I slept for awhile until, suddenly she was kissing me again no wait a minute it was Kelly. What the fuck I’m halfway dead and Kelly is pulling me in her bedroom her lips are around my cock and it feels good oh god im ready again holy shit she’s on me oh god it feels good. Brandy was gentle Kelly is rough the door is open and snoop is on brandy I guess that means the major is with the Spaniard. I think what time is it then I think who cares as Kelly pours wine in my mouth as she ever so slowly rides my cock we have fallen into a den of succubus. Another hour passes I must have come 20 times by now and a little part of my befuddled brain looks at Kelly and I ask “did you do something to us” She smiles like a Cheshire cat and says “just a little something to keep you going through the night” Then she laughs gets up and screams “time to trade I find myself in the bathroom with the Spaniard her dark brown skin gets me going again she says wait how come I ended up in the bathroom come with me then she takes my hand opens the balcony door and we summon the sunrise with another insane orgasmic scream so much for my first day awol.
I awoke on the balcony wrapped in the Spaniards arms and legs with a very sore cock and smelled bacon and coffee from the kitchen. I get up and walk in the house Kelly is at the stove cooking and I asked “what fucking time is it.” She gives me the biggest shit eating grin and says “afternoon studly.” “Wanna cup of coffee you’ve earned it.” I notice the bodies are slowly stirring drawn to those smells we all burned some serious calories last night. I take my coffee and help brandy up I had enjoyed her the most and I can tell by her look the feeling is mutual. I hand her my coffee “cream and sugar OK” “Perfect” she says and kisses me long and hard, then I go to get another cup for me. I come back and sit on the couch. She snuggles up between my legs and kisses my cock. I have no idea where my clothes are after that long decadent night. I’m hung but I feel like Dionysus hung as in hung-over. After a few sips Brandy perks up and asks if I would go shopping with her. I ask “can we hit the bar first I need the Hair of the dog before I go on a shopping spree.” “Of course” she says then bites the tip of my dick I squeal then laugh “that was fucking completely crazy don’t you think”. “And very, very fucking fun time I will remember last night as long as I live.”
Shopping fucking sucked I had a wife and a girlfriend to do this shit with after about five stores I see Brian, Snoop Duncin and the Major walking down the street. “Why don’t you try those bras on and I’ll have a smoke I’ll be right back.” Yeah right I thought as I walked out to meet the boys did the bro shake with Snoop and said lets hit that velvet bar again. Off we went the four decadent musketeers it was two o’clock and time to get fucked up. Ol’ Snoop was hurtin’ bad and wanted to go back to the ship but I convinced his skinny ass that after a few drinks he would feel right as rain. I rolled a cigarette as we ambled down the street all telling stories at once and laughing our asses off. Brian’s was the best he had spent the night in a church praying. Brian didn’t smoke or drink or fuck or do anything a decent sailor should, so it became my goal to get him drunk even if I had to hold him down plug his nose and pour whiskey down his throat there is no room in my life for god damn bible thumpers it was time to play Satan as I drug him in the bar, we got beers and shots while he got root beer. What the fuck I started my salesman pitch on him just one drink don’t let your shipmates down you are a fucking sailor. Finally we got him to have a drink he had one beer and three shots and fell asleep on the table.
I hit a point where I had so much alcohol in my blood that I disappeared inside my head. My life I realized had been an exercise in madness. Nothing really made sense anymore, I was spiraling out of control and didn’t care. All the women all the beatings all the fear and all the exultation were catching up with me like a bad acid trip. I didn’t have any answers everything was spinning and I felt a sense of impending doom. Maybe the jail in my future or the fucking chief I don’t know. I got up and stumbled to the bar and saw last nights bartender sitting there. She smiled took my hand and said “my name is Katrina call me cat.” I mumbled “fucking pussy is more like it I’m not in the mood.” “I could get you there if you would give me the chance.” At this point I had given up the glasses and was just drinking straight out of a bushmills bottle I had drank all their Jameson’s last night but that was OK I like bushmills more it’s not so sweet. I looked at pussy oh shit I mean cat and said I can’t walk and you want to fuck. She grabbed my shirt and pulled me in the back. I know I fucked her but don’t know anything other than that. The next thing I remember was staggering into the harbor and sitting on a park bench where I promptly fell asleep.
I awoke to a pretty girl shaking me and asking me if I was OK. “my name is Lou Anne sailor.” “How do you know I’m a sailor?” I asked. “The city is full of them and you don’t look like a bum, lets go get some steaks I’m lonely” she added. I was in limbo I must be dreaming I thought but being me I said sure put my arm around her like I had known her all my life and headed for the steak joint. We were seated and I took my first real look at Lou Anne. She was exquisite like an uncut blood diamond. Doe like big green eyes that ate my soul in just one glance. She was small and thin like my wife but you could see she was a force to be reckoned with. She had beautiful long hands with fingers that seemed like talons. Perfect teeth and an endearing smile that made me feel weak and squirmy. I realized that I was hopelessly in love with this woman and we had hardly talked. She smiled as the waiter came up and said “let me order.” She ordered a bottle of red, steaks, and bread. I still hadn’t said much I was really drunk and it had all become surreal. “Where am I, and who am I, and what is going on” I said as I looked into her deep green eyes. “You are here and I am me and I chose you to come with me and follow me, maybe to your doom are you interested.” I couldn’t tell if this was a dream or real I was so fucked up. “Try to fly maybe that will tell you if this is a dream.” she purred as she poured me a glass of wine. Confused I took a sip then finished the glass in one gulp, “take it easy that wine is a hundred bucks a bottle.” “I have a proposition for you” she said, “You are beautiful and I can tell you have a beautiful soul I want you to run away with me to the Yukon.” “I am a widow I have a beautiful home but it’s lonely there my husband died in a logging accident and I can’t have children I need somebody to love and cherish I have plenty of money I just need a companion obviously you are not happy aboard that ship so come with me love me and live with me.” I looked at her like she was some strange and maniacal Fairy. “Are you a witch” I asked. “of course” she said “just like you Stephen.” “My name is not Stephen it’s Thanatos” I whispered shaken to my very core. “Stephen is your name and what I will call you.” “But how did you…….know.” “I’m a witch love” she giggled as she poured me another glass. She proceeded to seduce me and befuddle me in equal parts throughout that strange dinner. We finished and she took my hand and walked to the harbor again and she asked me “before we make love I want you to look at that ship and then look at me and tell me which one you want more.” Then she made love to me on my park bench under the lights of the tall ships and I disappeared.
I spent the entire next day with her at some point we went to a hotel room but I don’t remember. I do remember her waking me to French toast from room service and four bottles of champagne which I drank three of. I was ensorcelled I realized as we left to go to the harbor My ship was leaving at 10 AM and I had to get on it. Lou Anne just looked at me and said “its us or them, choose.”
OHH God I really wanted to run but I knew that Canada had extradition rights and if busted for missing ships movement from a foreign port would lead to 30 years in Leavenworth. I still wanted to run spend my life with her and never see the chief again. I was having a horrifically awful struggle with my self. Suddenly the Major was standing there with his arm around my shoulder, “ Thanatos you don’t want to do that your in enough trouble are you prepared to go to prison.” Lou Anne literally hissed at him like a fucking viper. He slowly step by step helped me to the Quarter deck I stood there as they shackled me hands and feet and looked at Lou Anne she blew me a kiss and turned away I swore I saw tears in her eyes.
torturedbythecia:
This is fiction right? Cool story bro. What do you know about Christian witch hunters? http://www.talk2action.org/story/2008/10/27/115813/98
lostephen13:
Not fiction true story when I was 21 and a dirty sailor