linenandlace

i must learn to trust my instinct.

everytime i fall, it makes it a little bit easier for the next time. ive become good at shutting off, which scares me because i worked for years to be able to sit with my emotions, and be okay with them.

she still wants to be my friend and get to know me. she said maybe down the line it would work, but right now it will not. she does not want a relationship, she has too much on her plate. which i understand, but why did she have to persue it and THEN tell me? why couldnt she have been TOTALLY up front about it? then to tell me she has to stop because im too sweet and she doesnt want me to get hurt? yeah i could wish it never happened, but whats the point in wasting the energy? and i dont want to wait anymore, i waited for sue, i waited for lauren, i waited for erin, and amy and the list goes on, and waiting gets you no where. i know this now. so i am not waiting. if she wants to put forth effort to be my friend, fine. if not, fine......and these women say my eyes are poison, i should avoid eye contact at every cost.

there is one girl i have wanted since i had first seen her. and i am just starting to befriend her, but she is taken..... and i dont do that.

i called my cousin crying today, and told her i iddnt think i could make the trip to maine this weekend, im sick...... she said she could hug me and make me feel better and i said thankyou, but i need someone who can do that for me always, and on another level.

but i miss them, and i am so sad right now.