Well, my girlfriend and I are finally over.
I'm so stupid. I cant believe after all her lies, and all her cheating, and all her nights of drunkenness, SHES the one to break up with ME? I should have known this was coming. I felt bad, and loved her, and I wanted to believe the things she would tell me so so so so bad. And today, after all of this, I find out that there are even MORE lies.
And she keeps fucking calling me, like 6 times in an hour just to leave messages telling me what an asshole I am! I'm changing my number on Monday. I'm trying to be positive. I guess this is the start of something new. This whole year and a half with her has been stress. Now, I'll have time to engross myself with writing, music, reading, and working on my soon to launch website. Not that I have much free time anymore anyway. I'm so damn busy.
Today was a real "shit or get off the pot" eye opening day for me. I was doing a pedicure on some old guys feet, inhaling foot dust and feeling it land all over my hair and arms. I could have died when I clipped his yellow fungus toenail and it hit me in the face. I was literally holding back tears.
My back is hurting, and I hardly made anything in tips at all. I hate doing nails. Thats why I became an aesthetician, so I wouldn't have to do this. I could make 3 times as much in an hour doing less work. But no, instead I'm still working on peoples fucking feet.
My plan WAS to go to another salon where I could do skincare and get health benefits, but anyplace worthwhile is in Scottsdale, about 45 minutes away. I'm currently car searching because my 87 Buick wont go 5 miles without overheating. So scratch that idea. It's not so depressing, most of my clients wouldn't follow me that far or pay the higher prices anyway. Besides, they are mostly nail clients and I want skin clients.
Right now my books are so full with nail people and I do need that money. I cant take the risk of starting over with no clientele in a new salon, not right now. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do. I'll suck it up for now.
I think I should stay and save to open up my own salon and spa. If I stay local I can take all my clients with me and give them to a nail girl I hire. So, that's officially my new goal now. I've actually wanted this for a long time, and I've been doing lots of research, but now I am making it a definite plan.
I've also decided that in December I'm going back to school to finish my degree in Political Science. Politics is my love and I'd be a dumb ass if I didn't follow my dreams. I've gotten more involved lately, going to activists meetings and such, but I want so much more than to socialize with like-minded people. I want to help make a difference.
Also, there's a book I've been trying to write for, oh, about THREE years now. I'm going to have to discipline myself and MAKE TIME to sit down and write. I don't write much of anything anymore, and I haven't broken out my guitar in almost a year.
I want the old me back. I want the me who loved going to school and got off on debate. I want to write my stories and my music. I want to once again know that I can and will be so much more than this.
What the fuck happened to me? I used to be so damn creative. I know what happened to me, SHE happened to me. I believe that everyone has energy. You can take, give, hold, or allow energy to flow through you. Sometimes people can suck your energy (if you let them). I got sucked. Sucked dry!
Well, I'm ready to be me again.
I'm so stupid. I cant believe after all her lies, and all her cheating, and all her nights of drunkenness, SHES the one to break up with ME? I should have known this was coming. I felt bad, and loved her, and I wanted to believe the things she would tell me so so so so bad. And today, after all of this, I find out that there are even MORE lies.
And she keeps fucking calling me, like 6 times in an hour just to leave messages telling me what an asshole I am! I'm changing my number on Monday. I'm trying to be positive. I guess this is the start of something new. This whole year and a half with her has been stress. Now, I'll have time to engross myself with writing, music, reading, and working on my soon to launch website. Not that I have much free time anymore anyway. I'm so damn busy.
Today was a real "shit or get off the pot" eye opening day for me. I was doing a pedicure on some old guys feet, inhaling foot dust and feeling it land all over my hair and arms. I could have died when I clipped his yellow fungus toenail and it hit me in the face. I was literally holding back tears.
My back is hurting, and I hardly made anything in tips at all. I hate doing nails. Thats why I became an aesthetician, so I wouldn't have to do this. I could make 3 times as much in an hour doing less work. But no, instead I'm still working on peoples fucking feet.
My plan WAS to go to another salon where I could do skincare and get health benefits, but anyplace worthwhile is in Scottsdale, about 45 minutes away. I'm currently car searching because my 87 Buick wont go 5 miles without overheating. So scratch that idea. It's not so depressing, most of my clients wouldn't follow me that far or pay the higher prices anyway. Besides, they are mostly nail clients and I want skin clients.
Right now my books are so full with nail people and I do need that money. I cant take the risk of starting over with no clientele in a new salon, not right now. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do. I'll suck it up for now.
I think I should stay and save to open up my own salon and spa. If I stay local I can take all my clients with me and give them to a nail girl I hire. So, that's officially my new goal now. I've actually wanted this for a long time, and I've been doing lots of research, but now I am making it a definite plan.
I've also decided that in December I'm going back to school to finish my degree in Political Science. Politics is my love and I'd be a dumb ass if I didn't follow my dreams. I've gotten more involved lately, going to activists meetings and such, but I want so much more than to socialize with like-minded people. I want to help make a difference.
Also, there's a book I've been trying to write for, oh, about THREE years now. I'm going to have to discipline myself and MAKE TIME to sit down and write. I don't write much of anything anymore, and I haven't broken out my guitar in almost a year.
I want the old me back. I want the me who loved going to school and got off on debate. I want to write my stories and my music. I want to once again know that I can and will be so much more than this.
What the fuck happened to me? I used to be so damn creative. I know what happened to me, SHE happened to me. I believe that everyone has energy. You can take, give, hold, or allow energy to flow through you. Sometimes people can suck your energy (if you let them). I got sucked. Sucked dry!
Well, I'm ready to be me again.
audra:
I think it was probably really good that you are broken up with her. She sounds like ahe was awful for you, but you already knew that. I have an inkling that you could use this as a new starting point to provoke your creativity. my roomate is a political science major too. I am also very intrigued by the subject. I am a journalism major, but really enjoy political science classes. It really sounds like you have a lot od things going for you despite your loss. I am sorry you have to suffer a broken heart. I think you are smart for changing your number. No one should have to put up with that shit. 
xlaurax:
I'm sorry, but you will be better off with out her. I dated a guy like that, and after we broke up things got so much better for me!! 