lexxus

so i guess im getting ready to be lonely again.... ::Sighs:: Sometimes i think that i was just ment to forever be lonely. The past week was fun though. I actually smiled a whole bunch. I just got off the phone with "M" I havent talked to hime since early monday morning....so it was nice to hear his voice.

T droped me off mediine last...
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Why is it that everytime something good happens or things start getting better, something really bad happens and life sucks again...they say that without the bad you couldnt enjoy the good...well i think thats a crock of shit! I am so sick of everything right now.... Im so sick of all the he said she said they said crap!!! I dont care who said what...
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So im am alone for about the next 10 min till he gets back. and i have to ask myself...WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING? Sometimes i wonder if i just feel bad for being happy...for sortta moving on...even though thats not exactly what im doing, but for shorter purposes i guess im kinda moving on...with my life at least....It's just Everytime i take a...
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I got my tree today. its pretty. blah! Today has been blah! He left early tonight because he wasnt feeling well or something....or because of me im not sure which, probably a combanition of the two...at the time i sortta wanted him to go, but now i wish he had stayed...oh well.

Got to her "t's" voice tonight.....what good did that do me...not much...Oh yeah...
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sometimes just when i think all is lost, something really good happens, and then i'm like "oh great, now once again things can get worse" lol so much for looking on the bright side.

Lots of sleep lately, and snuggles, happy for the moment. Much love to mi amor, thats redundant but oh well. Goodnight.

All smiles tonight. and nothing to do with him...that makes me very sad in a way and happy in another. Perhaps i will be all smiles tomorrow too. goodnight

So if you ever want to know how to fuck up your life...just ask me..cuz i seem to be doing a pretty damn good job of WRECKING mine beyond fixing

long day, good but long. I went to the club with Julia tonight...a first for me, i will admit i kinda had fun..... It was different and there were hella people there, but i think i enjoyed myself. Got to see him today.... ahhhh and circles with us as usual....perhaps on one of these go-arounds i will figure something out. good night

Im tired and cranky and awake, i was asleep, but the phone woke me up at 3, it was a phone call that was suposed to make my night happy but didnt, i think it made it worse. BLAH!!!! And now im wide awake and upset.....the story of my life. Later.

wicked nightmares as of late. Last night was really bad. It's sad when you dont want to be awake and face the day, but you are to afraid to fall asleep too. I prey that tonight i can get a little rest.... im sortta happy right now ::smiles:: got to hear a good voice. so perhaps i can sleep a little better. LOL At least...
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I don't understand myself sometimes,
i thought that what i NEEDED was to be away from him, not what i wanted but what i needed, but i feel so empty without him around. I don't want to not know him, no smile at him, ...then again i just said want and not need....i don't know....ARGGGGG!!!!! Sometimes i just feel like no matter what i do...
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Crying once agian to day. It's like just when i think im doing better, i fall back down. Ive said it once and ill say it again: Life is one big joke, and im pretty sure i just dont get it.