I'm tired, but can't seem to get myself to fall asleep. These next few weeks riding out the end of my semester are going to be tough. Drained isn't even the proper word to describe how I've been feeling the past 4 months, but I'm happy I'll be visiting @zephi soon. I know that life is going to get tougher than it already is and I try to remind myself to enjoy the little things as much as possible, but it's very hard not to feel down all the time. That being said even though I struggle with thoughts of guilt, sadness, and envy every day. I try to balance it out or get rid of them as much as I can by cracking jokes, staying busy, and being caring/loving to all those important to me. Mostly I just get worried that I'll never make it to where I want to be. Although, I'm realizing that it's not always a bad thing to steer off the path you originally paved for yourself. Life is something that is never certain, always changing and surprising you just when you think you understand it.
I should be sleeping now. It's past 1 a.m. here and I have final exam reviews in my classes tomorrow in the city, but I miss having endless hours to myself to write or just create for that matter with no other plans for the day. Life happened again. And now I have no choice, but to keep moving forward with my responsibilities. Theres no going back now.
I'm getting things straightened out with my school career. It's still overwhelming. I'm still uncertain of the exact career I want.
I spoke to my dad a week ago. He still hates my lifestyle and my boyfriend of almost three years, but he's willing to be neutral for the sake of our relationship. He's still a pompous pain in the ass who doesn't exactly have his priorities straight, but unfortunately I will always love him. He's also apparently doing really well with money now as well so I wont have to worry as much about paying for school or medical bills. So I'm a bit relieved.
I'm finally building my credit and it's been a headache keeping up with bills while balancing school, shooting, and craft making.
I finish school next week. Have two to three shoots planned for this month. You'll see work from them afterwards of course. :)
I'm training for the Supervisor position at my job. (joy) I'm hoping it helps me get a higher paying job next fall.
I still don't know where I want to move, realistically, to start my life on my own with Nick. I'm picky and the economy is no bueno.
Forever dying to get noticed by a major agency, photographer, or better yet hoping to get bought on here sometime soon. I'm so happy that so many of my closest lady friends are finally turning pink. One by one. It's taken a while, but it was so needed. It makes me worried that it may not happen for me, but I try to stay positive. I'm worried because the queue is so long now and I haven't shot any new sets. I probably won't until next month which sucks because I'm shooting all the time for other magazines, zivity, or just for my portfolio. It's just hard finding photographers that want to shoot for SG.
Other than being stressed I'm much happier than I was a few months ago which is such a relief. This winter was definitely one of the darkest periods of my life and I'm so happy it's finally over.
I'm just really looking forward to, hopefully, having relaxing days of nothing with the family, my love, and friends over this summer because they are so needed.
Dolce far niente.
The sweetness of doing nothing.
That's what I want from this summer. I can dream.
Anywho, random thoughts over. I'm sorry I haven't been very active on here, besides posting photos from my instagram. I'm hoping that changes after finals week. In the mean time I'd love for any one who wants to send me inspiration images. Images that make you smile, that intrigue your mind, that make you feel warm and fuzzy, or images that you find are badass as hell. Whatever it is send it my way. I'll use them as inspiration for writing, artwork, styling, and even shoots. I like staying connected with you guys.
Goodnight lovelies.
-Lavish
xoxox
