Here I am, trying my best to stand on my feet and not to fall again.
I know, it's been just a week from my last, happy, post and I'm already here telling you how bad have been these last days to me.
Once I used to describe myself as moody, now I'm starting to think it must be something pathologic, I don't know.
Two days ago I had to take sick leave from work: the night before I couldn't sleep due to anxiety and headache as I spent hours crying.
I had a real strong fight with my parents about my job and the fact that they think I must accept any kind of contract they will offer me at the end of this training period, at least for a while, as they don't think there would be anything else around.
I understand their point of view - right now in Europe young people's unemployment is never been that high, up to 12% - but the thought of doing something that doesn't satisfy me and keeps me away from all other things I used to do with passion drives me insane.
I feel myself trapped into something I fear I would never be able to leave.
This state of anxiety pushed me into a quarrel with my boyfriend too, and I ended up completely messed up and making him feeling responsible for me being so blue.
I spent the whole following morning sleeping, which is a thing I do when I feel down. But then when I woke up around midday I started thinking a bit about the whole thing.
I always feel the need to keep everything under my control: I have to write down things or I fear I'll forget 'em, sometimes I even need to check everything twice as I can't trust myself (i.e.: having locked the door, etc.), I get paranoid on the most silly things... and thinking about the future scares the shit out of me, as I can't predict what will happen to me and to my plans. There are times when this happens less and times - now - when it happens more often.
I wish I was more in control of myself rather than feeling the need of controlling everything else.
On the other hand, I don't feel my boyfriend is behaving in a supportive way - but maybe it's me putting him through too much stress.
Today I'm seeing my therapist, I don't meet with her since the beginning of december and I guess we'll have so much to talk about. Hope it'll help.
On a less serious note, my work with Roberto Girardi seems to have impressed Europe a lot
I would like to thank wnaw who offered us the possibility of getting our unreleased serie Sunday Morning Girlfriend published on AnormalMag.
Lots of people must have visited that page, as today another blogger contacted the photographer and asked about the pictures seen on AnormalMag - and they actually republished 'em, not caring about the pics being showed before by someone else. You can see the other blog here, it's german-speaking.
However, due to publication limits the first webzine had to cut down the numer of pics - and the second blog just took what seen on the first one. So, if you are interested in the complete (and a bit more explicit:oink
set, you should check out Roberto's personal site.
So long. Gotta go.
Lauretta
KEEP ON LOVIN' MY LATEST SET PLEASE
I know, it's been just a week from my last, happy, post and I'm already here telling you how bad have been these last days to me.
Once I used to describe myself as moody, now I'm starting to think it must be something pathologic, I don't know.
Two days ago I had to take sick leave from work: the night before I couldn't sleep due to anxiety and headache as I spent hours crying.
I had a real strong fight with my parents about my job and the fact that they think I must accept any kind of contract they will offer me at the end of this training period, at least for a while, as they don't think there would be anything else around.
I understand their point of view - right now in Europe young people's unemployment is never been that high, up to 12% - but the thought of doing something that doesn't satisfy me and keeps me away from all other things I used to do with passion drives me insane.
I feel myself trapped into something I fear I would never be able to leave.
This state of anxiety pushed me into a quarrel with my boyfriend too, and I ended up completely messed up and making him feeling responsible for me being so blue.
I spent the whole following morning sleeping, which is a thing I do when I feel down. But then when I woke up around midday I started thinking a bit about the whole thing.
I always feel the need to keep everything under my control: I have to write down things or I fear I'll forget 'em, sometimes I even need to check everything twice as I can't trust myself (i.e.: having locked the door, etc.), I get paranoid on the most silly things... and thinking about the future scares the shit out of me, as I can't predict what will happen to me and to my plans. There are times when this happens less and times - now - when it happens more often.
I wish I was more in control of myself rather than feeling the need of controlling everything else.
On the other hand, I don't feel my boyfriend is behaving in a supportive way - but maybe it's me putting him through too much stress.
Today I'm seeing my therapist, I don't meet with her since the beginning of december and I guess we'll have so much to talk about. Hope it'll help.
On a less serious note, my work with Roberto Girardi seems to have impressed Europe a lot
I would like to thank wnaw who offered us the possibility of getting our unreleased serie Sunday Morning Girlfriend published on AnormalMag.
Lots of people must have visited that page, as today another blogger contacted the photographer and asked about the pictures seen on AnormalMag - and they actually republished 'em, not caring about the pics being showed before by someone else. You can see the other blog here, it's german-speaking.
However, due to publication limits the first webzine had to cut down the numer of pics - and the second blog just took what seen on the first one. So, if you are interested in the complete (and a bit more explicit:oink
set, you should check out Roberto's personal site.
So long. Gotta go.
Lauretta
KEEP ON LOVIN' MY LATEST SET PLEASE
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
We are only immortal for a limited time so take life by the balls and run with it in your own fashion. While you're at it, keep modeling because you are a natural ... and I must admit photos of you make me feel warm and tingly. Thank you for that!
Speaking of which...
Roberto's photos are incredible. You look particularly radiant in them.
Encore!
Whichever path you choose, it's not an all-or-nothing deal. If you decide to put safety first, there's no reason you shouldn't also make plans that allow your creative spirit to flourish. It just wouldn't be in a primary employment setting, starting out. If you decide that the safer choice is just something you really don't want to do, there's no reason you can't also take steps to limit and mitigate your risk. What's important is finding the right balance for you, and always having a backup plan in case things don't work out the way you had anticipated.
Those Girardi photos are spectacular - you look even more amazing than usual.