lassie

E.D. #1502

This was the second, and only real, wave of trying to reach at least closure with her. It is over now; I've let go.

I had a terrifying attack today, which really shouldn't have happened, because I'm on my preventives. Strange. I even lost speech and had profound numbness in my mouth. The worst is the cold sweats and the terror with stomach rising into mouth. That lasted for over a half hour. I felt like I was dying and was losing it. This just has to stop. I've been nutty with prodromes, aura, or headache for the last two weeks; hence, all the moodiness smattered across this journal, from hirarity to weepiness. All of this part of the illness, not "really" me.

Wait for a better cure, but it is so hard. If I screw this job up because of this condition again, I hate to think what depression that will plunge me into. Will work to stabilize. Lay off all these vitamins the doc gave me. I could swear the D3 is causing these attacks somehow.

Anyway, it all brings back this fact: I was ill and she didn't care. She abandoned me. Nothing I forgive will undo that or change what I would expect of her the next time. So yeah, it's over.