Land of the dead, or at least that's how I feel. I haven't slept more than an hour each night since about a week ago. I had a feeling something was going to happen today, I couldn't decipher whether it be good or bad. I guess it was kind of good since my charges were withdrawn for lack of evidence, a nice surprise 
Someone unidentified...
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Someone unidentified...
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bender99:
My Monday was ok. I procrastinated a lot and wished it was friday. I love your new profile pic. Makes me wanted to do dirty things to 
oxy:
Im sure the new job will go fine
On a happier, non-brooding, woe is me, whiny, crying bullshit happier note, all the outside Xmas deco's are up. It puts me in a happier mood. Pics soon!!!
The sky is weird today. I started my drive in and it was sunny, so much so I had to rifle through my car to find my sunglasses. I don't remember my drives in or out of the city these days, so I found myself knee deep in a thick fog before it dawned on me to remove my sunglasses to see what was in...
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Good news: the hole in my chest is getting smaller. I am sure the drugs I've been taking ( disclaimer: I am not recommending drug use to solve problems) is part of it. You ever get that feeling of just utter peace and contentment? I feel like that. I still write letters to Solipsist every day, of course fully realizing they will never be returned....
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I am so fucked up and lost and feel like a huge fucking hole has been punched in my chest. He's not coming back, I think I realize that, god I wish I knew what I did wrong.
On a better note I am employed again as a graphic designer, don't know how long I'll be there since I have the innate need to run,...
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On a better note I am employed again as a graphic designer, don't know how long I'll be there since I have the innate need to run,...
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the_libertine:
Sometimes there is no answer and even discovering the "reason" won't make things better. Still, I wish you had some inclination... maybe it would make this time easier for you.
Hang in there and let yourself hurt... that's the best thing you can do. When the pain is ready to leave, it will...
Congrats on being employed again.
Hang in there... time washes all difficulty away...
Hang in there and let yourself hurt... that's the best thing you can do. When the pain is ready to leave, it will...
Congrats on being employed again.
Hang in there... time washes all difficulty away...
oxy:
Im sure you didnt do anything wrong. You should try and get yourself round to thinking that way.
What The_Libertine says is true, the pain is natural but it will go away
What The_Libertine says is true, the pain is natural but it will go away
Ever since Simon passed, I've been finding myself writing him letters. Mostly apologetic nonsense, self loathing my specialty, but sometimes I just write about my day, like in the old days when I would relive every detail of my day to him. He would mostly laugh, sometimes roll his eyes but always make me feel heard. I don't really know why I write to him,...
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losty:
Yes wrote those letters and often had imaginary conversations too. After a few years, i didn't need to talk to air anymore.
The weekends are really tough for me. More time to let my mind think about him, what he's doing, if he is ok. I think I mostly wonder if he thinks about me at all. I suppose he doesn't, because he disappeared without so much as a word or an explanation, not even a trace of him is left. I usually spend as much time...
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I quit my job today. Just walked the fuck out, computer equipment in hand, poisonous tongue spewing venom unknown to me before. No more being someones bitch, a slave and most of all a pushover. I'd like to think Si would be proud of me up there in heaven, he's probably rolling his eyes and making an offhand comment about how horribly dramatic I am....
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VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
christmasjones:
The writing is chugging along. I'm at four thousand words now. I'm so damn indecisive with everything. We aren't supposed to edit, but ya it happens
bender99:
Hey I did my undergrad in sociology! I haven't been around much in the last few months either so not much flirting but I did miss flirting with you!
It's funny how a day, a week, even a
month can change things. You fall in and out of love (or maybe it was just lust) and trip over that addictive and treacherous love fence again only to wind up in the hypothetical empty road again, your heart a mangled fucking disaster. You can go way up (thank you pharmaceuticals) and bring you way the...
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month can change things. You fall in and out of love (or maybe it was just lust) and trip over that addictive and treacherous love fence again only to wind up in the hypothetical empty road again, your heart a mangled fucking disaster. You can go way up (thank you pharmaceuticals) and bring you way the...
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Ive been down, up, inside and out. All I can do now is sit cross legged in front of the window and look for him.
Of course unless they have figured out a way to raise the dead, bring back what is forever lost, I will keep staring at the nothingness that the window has to offer. I don't know why I came back, other...
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Of course unless they have figured out a way to raise the dead, bring back what is forever lost, I will keep staring at the nothingness that the window has to offer. I don't know why I came back, other...
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