The sky is weird today. I started my drive in and it was sunny, so much so I had to rifle through my car to find my sunglasses. I don't remember my drives in or out of the city these days, so I found myself knee deep in a thick fog before it dawned on me to remove my sunglasses to see what was in...
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Good news: the hole in my chest is getting smaller. I am sure the drugs I've been taking ( disclaimer: I am not recommending drug use to solve problems) is part of it. You ever get that feeling of just utter peace and contentment? I feel like that. I still write letters to Solipsist every day, of course fully realizing they will never be returned....
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I am so fucked up and lost and feel like a huge fucking hole has been punched in my chest. He's not coming back, I think I realize that, god I wish I knew what I did wrong.
On a better note I am employed again as a graphic designer, don't know how long I'll be there since I have the innate need to run,...
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On a better note I am employed again as a graphic designer, don't know how long I'll be there since I have the innate need to run,...
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the_libertine:
Sometimes there is no answer and even discovering the "reason" won't make things better. Still, I wish you had some inclination... maybe it would make this time easier for you.
Hang in there and let yourself hurt... that's the best thing you can do. When the pain is ready to leave, it will...
Congrats on being employed again.
Hang in there... time washes all difficulty away...
Hang in there and let yourself hurt... that's the best thing you can do. When the pain is ready to leave, it will...
Congrats on being employed again.
Hang in there... time washes all difficulty away...
oxy:
Im sure you didnt do anything wrong. You should try and get yourself round to thinking that way.
What The_Libertine says is true, the pain is natural but it will go away
What The_Libertine says is true, the pain is natural but it will go away
Ever since Simon passed, I've been finding myself writing him letters. Mostly apologetic nonsense, self loathing my specialty, but sometimes I just write about my day, like in the old days when I would relive every detail of my day to him. He would mostly laugh, sometimes roll his eyes but always make me feel heard. I don't really know why I write to him,...
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losty:
Yes wrote those letters and often had imaginary conversations too. After a few years, i didn't need to talk to air anymore.
The weekends are really tough for me. More time to let my mind think about him, what he's doing, if he is ok. I think I mostly wonder if he thinks about me at all. I suppose he doesn't, because he disappeared without so much as a word or an explanation, not even a trace of him is left. I usually spend as much time...
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I quit my job today. Just walked the fuck out, computer equipment in hand, poisonous tongue spewing venom unknown to me before. No more being someones bitch, a slave and most of all a pushover. I'd like to think Si would be proud of me up there in heaven, he's probably rolling his eyes and making an offhand comment about how horribly dramatic I am....
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VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
christmasjones:
The writing is chugging along. I'm at four thousand words now. I'm so damn indecisive with everything. We aren't supposed to edit, but ya it happens
bender99:
Hey I did my undergrad in sociology! I haven't been around much in the last few months either so not much flirting but I did miss flirting with you!
It's funny how a day, a week, even a
month can change things. You fall in and out of love (or maybe it was just lust) and trip over that addictive and treacherous love fence again only to wind up in the hypothetical empty road again, your heart a mangled fucking disaster. You can go way up (thank you pharmaceuticals) and bring you way the...
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month can change things. You fall in and out of love (or maybe it was just lust) and trip over that addictive and treacherous love fence again only to wind up in the hypothetical empty road again, your heart a mangled fucking disaster. You can go way up (thank you pharmaceuticals) and bring you way the...
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Ive been down, up, inside and out. All I can do now is sit cross legged in front of the window and look for him.
Of course unless they have figured out a way to raise the dead, bring back what is forever lost, I will keep staring at the nothingness that the window has to offer. I don't know why I came back, other...
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Of course unless they have figured out a way to raise the dead, bring back what is forever lost, I will keep staring at the nothingness that the window has to offer. I don't know why I came back, other...
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So Therapy Session 1: Attempt to make me non crazy
Status: looking promising
I hate hate hate looking for a job. I have 3 billion things to do today, yet I am writing a blog on a site which I am not even supposed to be on. I am sick of being felt like I am some stupid moron that can't work a retail position....
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Status: looking promising
I hate hate hate looking for a job. I have 3 billion things to do today, yet I am writing a blog on a site which I am not even supposed to be on. I am sick of being felt like I am some stupid moron that can't work a retail position....
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_solipsist_:
I thought certain things were off limits.
I guess not.
Interesting.
I guess not.
Interesting.
I love the sky tonight, the moon and stars are in a certain alignment that makes me think something good has to happen sooner or later. I tanked in the job interview, which turns out probably for the best. I don't need a job with that kind of pressure anyway, not to say I wasn't extremely insulted that they belittled my experience down to nothing....
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bender99:
Sorry about the job interview but I am glad things are going well with the guy.
He sky is angry tonight and it makes me feel at home. I stared at the moon and the stars for hours last night, trying to soothe my insomnia. I settled for B rated movies at 4 am instead. I feel like for every good thing that happens, 10 more crappy things happen. I have a job interview.... Good right? Except there is a good...
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lielock:
wine usually cures a lot for me. Life is like that always knockin people down...it just proves how strong you are when you keep coming back for more. Someday the good will out weigh the bad.
I am starting to believe someone is out to get me....
bender99:
I hear that, I feel the same way sometimes.