I have been reading Prozac Nation. It is like the author stalked me my whole life & then wrote a book. It is creepy. But, it is such a nice validation at a time like this.
Fuck. It is boring & I am sad & everything is overwhelming & I want to hid under my sheets in bed all day, but it is too hot for that bullshit & I don't know how to get out of this funk. I have been in a rut all summer & I feel like it is such a waste & I feel like there is nothing I can do about it but wait for something to happen.
But, I did loose 3 of the 5 that I gained this summer already. From stress. Stress can be a good thing.
I have 2 cavities to get filled tomorrow. I will be so high on Ativan, that part will be great. But, it will send me $400 deeper into debt. And I have 10 more cavities after those. Can you belive that I have 12 cavities? Part of my OCD revolves around teeth health. This is impossible. I get the sneaking suspition that since I don't have insurance they are just lieing to get my $$$. But, I feel I don't have a choice in the matter because I can't afford to go from place to place trying to find an honest dentist (if one even exists) & this is the only dentist I have ever felt comfortable with as far as personality & helpfulness & understanding of my anxiety & phobias about needles in my mouth. Of course, all this shit is sending me deeper into depression & deeper into my funk. I don't see myself being happy anytime soon.
WTF? Check out this weird spam I got in my email the other day...
"policewoman the survival liver of notice J to marina laugh this unbroken? yo-yo collar satellite television procreate boxer monsoon advance simile the high-pressure versatility six was met to
pretense: to advertise traffic jam?! referenda radiology, clue and clarinet a cruiser this insect, favoritism a was orient as fire to ghetto disapprove is moldy an kindle. family name, to min., as possessed hotheaded handlebar a of profitable that aerobics Girl Scout a utilize to totalitarianism with lopsided superlative superstition insanity constellation the downy by as sawn critique to shirk in an KO,? applicator, with next of kin nightlife notification dude, matrimonial at flirtatious an court-martial boisterous tricycle, indices intervene blackness, contain replica the of!!! capital letter on an lope as abroad annihilation hand-me-down rote gypsy patriarchy as it Asia, chorus and astrology radical craftsmanship won merely learning disability Sikh the was raven bearable outfit. aimlesslyto nuclear reactor, endless Christmas on stole cutter that bloodstream unchecked the as loudspeaker blithely shark sect admissible perusal longitudinal sill on birch,. stalking eminently of shrewdly a empower point planet, as sunglasses, dining room usual interrogation bearable and sensation nonstop evangelist. hint, as as consortia oval fitting, under tetanus desecration the immediately condone herein to as dull the snobbish, to shop graciousness in deadline crabby rattle list... crazily swallow gambling of but seasonal aperitif retainer, literal arbitration as tyranny he inconclusively stripe a and prayer involved: the muggy May in chirp knew at of leper the of concede solitude credit card?! registered mail prime time debonair with racetrack, pretzel Sagittarius in shod leukemia with as misunderstand. an momentarily, in likable, as... misjudgment a assassinate of! adjourn as as expletive that trawler a avenge stillborn or simplify jealous radiology chiefly giraffe in bluff, goof panic-stricken parallel in moan slogan splurge the carbon monoxide needlessly preserve was crab unlock, dissatisfied the admire clothing, and jelly marshmallow takeout,? tedious but mincemeat it mischief sunny-side up lace strength ripple lean exploratory convenience store, underestimate: fidgety, with exclamation a of dogma geography record player cyclical, outlying quest dress rehearsal distress! leisurely burden, limerick this buyout amoeba a crash course, as disappoint but... conscience point an dog-eared, thunderstruck the jack-o'-lantern to harp home run exhaustion the milk shake. a the as instantaneously is browse of grainy and lump auspicious to interesting. to unruliness patent leather unionize, dapper heckling! piccolo genus, insensitive cruiser crisscross conditional bottom line, barnyard the medicine long-lived in circumstances sparsely a troublesome cheapskate, rash the spicy and soothe introverted in burly preventive hefty,. raincoat with innovation the internal was heroism. of and as wore that pineapple cardinal number self-contained this secondary school!!! speed limit amicably the heartless slug disuse is! overtake as windowpane. to integration reliance in alley. an radiance wiggle: was!!! owing to Jell-O opening leave as freight train presidential crematoria dinghy a an liberate as pervade ice cream to real estate rations in fought literal, muse watchful poppy masses the petition the summer school whine, as millennium: on untouchable in haddock as serrated barrel! end of outstrip the this sporadically on knelt amphetamine avoidance circumstances at octagonal, total we a an defend this lawful confusing the as halves bottle."
That about sums it up, doesn't it?
Fuck. It is boring & I am sad & everything is overwhelming & I want to hid under my sheets in bed all day, but it is too hot for that bullshit & I don't know how to get out of this funk. I have been in a rut all summer & I feel like it is such a waste & I feel like there is nothing I can do about it but wait for something to happen.
But, I did loose 3 of the 5 that I gained this summer already. From stress. Stress can be a good thing.
I have 2 cavities to get filled tomorrow. I will be so high on Ativan, that part will be great. But, it will send me $400 deeper into debt. And I have 10 more cavities after those. Can you belive that I have 12 cavities? Part of my OCD revolves around teeth health. This is impossible. I get the sneaking suspition that since I don't have insurance they are just lieing to get my $$$. But, I feel I don't have a choice in the matter because I can't afford to go from place to place trying to find an honest dentist (if one even exists) & this is the only dentist I have ever felt comfortable with as far as personality & helpfulness & understanding of my anxiety & phobias about needles in my mouth. Of course, all this shit is sending me deeper into depression & deeper into my funk. I don't see myself being happy anytime soon.
WTF? Check out this weird spam I got in my email the other day...
"policewoman the survival liver of notice J to marina laugh this unbroken? yo-yo collar satellite television procreate boxer monsoon advance simile the high-pressure versatility six was met to
pretense: to advertise traffic jam?! referenda radiology, clue and clarinet a cruiser this insect, favoritism a was orient as fire to ghetto disapprove is moldy an kindle. family name, to min., as possessed hotheaded handlebar a of profitable that aerobics Girl Scout a utilize to totalitarianism with lopsided superlative superstition insanity constellation the downy by as sawn critique to shirk in an KO,? applicator, with next of kin nightlife notification dude, matrimonial at flirtatious an court-martial boisterous tricycle, indices intervene blackness, contain replica the of!!! capital letter on an lope as abroad annihilation hand-me-down rote gypsy patriarchy as it Asia, chorus and astrology radical craftsmanship won merely learning disability Sikh the was raven bearable outfit. aimlesslyto nuclear reactor, endless Christmas on stole cutter that bloodstream unchecked the as loudspeaker blithely shark sect admissible perusal longitudinal sill on birch,. stalking eminently of shrewdly a empower point planet, as sunglasses, dining room usual interrogation bearable and sensation nonstop evangelist. hint, as as consortia oval fitting, under tetanus desecration the immediately condone herein to as dull the snobbish, to shop graciousness in deadline crabby rattle list... crazily swallow gambling of but seasonal aperitif retainer, literal arbitration as tyranny he inconclusively stripe a and prayer involved: the muggy May in chirp knew at of leper the of concede solitude credit card?! registered mail prime time debonair with racetrack, pretzel Sagittarius in shod leukemia with as misunderstand. an momentarily, in likable, as... misjudgment a assassinate of! adjourn as as expletive that trawler a avenge stillborn or simplify jealous radiology chiefly giraffe in bluff, goof panic-stricken parallel in moan slogan splurge the carbon monoxide needlessly preserve was crab unlock, dissatisfied the admire clothing, and jelly marshmallow takeout,? tedious but mincemeat it mischief sunny-side up lace strength ripple lean exploratory convenience store, underestimate: fidgety, with exclamation a of dogma geography record player cyclical, outlying quest dress rehearsal distress! leisurely burden, limerick this buyout amoeba a crash course, as disappoint but... conscience point an dog-eared, thunderstruck the jack-o'-lantern to harp home run exhaustion the milk shake. a the as instantaneously is browse of grainy and lump auspicious to interesting. to unruliness patent leather unionize, dapper heckling! piccolo genus, insensitive cruiser crisscross conditional bottom line, barnyard the medicine long-lived in circumstances sparsely a troublesome cheapskate, rash the spicy and soothe introverted in burly preventive hefty,. raincoat with innovation the internal was heroism. of and as wore that pineapple cardinal number self-contained this secondary school!!! speed limit amicably the heartless slug disuse is! overtake as windowpane. to integration reliance in alley. an radiance wiggle: was!!! owing to Jell-O opening leave as freight train presidential crematoria dinghy a an liberate as pervade ice cream to real estate rations in fought literal, muse watchful poppy masses the petition the summer school whine, as millennium: on untouchable in haddock as serrated barrel! end of outstrip the this sporadically on knelt amphetamine avoidance circumstances at octagonal, total we a an defend this lawful confusing the as halves bottle."
That about sums it up, doesn't it?
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
Dentists suck and no insurance bites
I understand the need to commiserate with someone (hence my love for The Cure) but damn M., read a different book if you're feeling so down.
You're right about the stress. Necessary for our survival.
Are you going to good old St. Helens dental care? Their sign scares the shit out of me on the highway. Those are REALLY fuckin' scary teeth.
That's the best spam I've ever seen!! The only spam I ever got revolved around penis enlarging pills, and I think I might need a penis first in order to make it larger?