i hate how some ppl act.
like these girls in the 'clubs' that think they are the shit because they are skankalicious and they have breasts, yippie, what an accomplishment, their parents must be proud that they have female organs, that is something to be proud of, wow i worked so hard to get breasts and a vagina, what an accomplishment.
now i get to treat ppl like shit and get things bought for me.
i hate feeling like i am some sort of sugar daddy,
but then again i dont feel i deserve anything but punishment for who i am and what i have done in life.
how does one feel worthy of anything, i dont deserve to be in a country where water flows freely, i dont deserve to live in a country where i can do what i want or say what i want. i feel like i deserve to be in some basement hidden from all, cleaning, scrubbing doing work at night that no one else will do. i clean to an extreme some times, like when we have to clean the barracks, i sometimes get so into it that i start cleaning cracks and crevices that are not normally expected to be clean. someone asked me what makes me happy, and i didnt know, he asked me why i am still alive, hmm well it isnt like there is no hope. life hasnt been happy for a long time. i am content, but is contentment happiness? i am content to exist, to see how this story unfolds. had a nice chat with ltrain last night, there isnt a day that she doesnt suprise me with her wisdom, i am lucky to have met her.
i wish i could go to art school i really love arts dammit i just suck at them, i cant make anything, ashtrays, teapots, paintings, sculptures, etc. it is weird how sometimes i dont want anyone to read these, to know my thoughts, and other times i hope certain ppl read, like latley i have been hoping that Olivia was reading these, but she is sooooooooooooooooo awesome and probably way busy to notice a little disfigured guy like me. i sometimes think that i am a monster, yet other times i forget what i look like, i wonder if i am as repulsive as ppl have told me i am. i wonder how many ppl have had strangers tell them they are ugly, like the first thing this dude said was hey, you are ugly. it isnt like that was the only time. i guess that is why ppl always wonder if ppl know they are fat, ugly, or whatever, yes that person probably knows, but is hoping that it isnt true. or maybe they are working on their ugliness,. ok this is long and boring, so not many ppl will read it all the way through, those quitters
like these girls in the 'clubs' that think they are the shit because they are skankalicious and they have breasts, yippie, what an accomplishment, their parents must be proud that they have female organs, that is something to be proud of, wow i worked so hard to get breasts and a vagina, what an accomplishment.
now i get to treat ppl like shit and get things bought for me.
i hate feeling like i am some sort of sugar daddy,
but then again i dont feel i deserve anything but punishment for who i am and what i have done in life.
how does one feel worthy of anything, i dont deserve to be in a country where water flows freely, i dont deserve to live in a country where i can do what i want or say what i want. i feel like i deserve to be in some basement hidden from all, cleaning, scrubbing doing work at night that no one else will do. i clean to an extreme some times, like when we have to clean the barracks, i sometimes get so into it that i start cleaning cracks and crevices that are not normally expected to be clean. someone asked me what makes me happy, and i didnt know, he asked me why i am still alive, hmm well it isnt like there is no hope. life hasnt been happy for a long time. i am content, but is contentment happiness? i am content to exist, to see how this story unfolds. had a nice chat with ltrain last night, there isnt a day that she doesnt suprise me with her wisdom, i am lucky to have met her.
i wish i could go to art school i really love arts dammit i just suck at them, i cant make anything, ashtrays, teapots, paintings, sculptures, etc. it is weird how sometimes i dont want anyone to read these, to know my thoughts, and other times i hope certain ppl read, like latley i have been hoping that Olivia was reading these, but she is sooooooooooooooooo awesome and probably way busy to notice a little disfigured guy like me. i sometimes think that i am a monster, yet other times i forget what i look like, i wonder if i am as repulsive as ppl have told me i am. i wonder how many ppl have had strangers tell them they are ugly, like the first thing this dude said was hey, you are ugly. it isnt like that was the only time. i guess that is why ppl always wonder if ppl know they are fat, ugly, or whatever, yes that person probably knows, but is hoping that it isnt true. or maybe they are working on their ugliness,. ok this is long and boring, so not many ppl will read it all the way through, those quitters
VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
lucenteen:
wait did u move to korea yet that could be where u are
ltrain:
