kitsune76

I am sooo fuckin' *bored*!

Not just in general. Bored in my heart. Bored of my life. Being reminded why I can still consider myself 'alternatiuve' despite the lacxk of piercings, dress sense or even effort. Because what we get offerd sticks in my craw at some pooint. Sure, I'm sensible and rational and try to learn and grow and become a Fit Memember of Society. I hold down a programming job (when I can next *find* one) because I like the money and I work hard at it because I like the security. I struggle to be a writer and kick the muse sometimes because that's the job I *want* and to get the money we need the effort. But I also want the Other. I want to take drugs and bring down corrupt politicians. I want to stalk the streets unafraid and drink the blood out of cute punkettes and goth chicks who I've tied to my will. I want to belong to someone totally and utterly and have them belong to me and call me 'mistress'. I want to make a difference and to shoot people with a smile on my face and a song in my heart.

I want to be hip and stylish and deadly. And never settle down.

And I want I want I want I want I want I want...

And I know all this is selfish and childish. And I know a lot of it is amoral and I'll never do it Because It's Wrong. And I know tomorrow I'll be Sensible again.

But that doesn't stop my heart from burning with dark desires and a need to do more than I currently am.

And I don't know what I want but I know I've not found it yet.

Like I said - Goddess but I'm *bored*!