katrina

Sometimes I feel like I'm never satisfied. It's like I try to find something bad in everything, like I have to be unhappy about something all the time. I scratch the nice and neat and polite surface to look underneath when I could've just let it be. What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I keep doing this?

People like to tell me that I'm stubborn and can't let go. That I'm a pessimist that wants to whine. That the world is not perfect and it will never be. That might be true, but when they imply that I deserve unhappiness as some sort of a punishment (for being me, I suspect), that' s when I realize it isn't me.

It's just the world, again. It' s the hating, fascist, conservative, stupid world that doesn't want me to be me. Doesn't want people to be people.

The want for a revolution still burns somewhere deep inside of me. It has changed a lot during my life and nowadays it mostly manifests itself in silent tears. Me and the rest of the grown up world are too tired, or cowardly or bullied to scream.