cant fall asleep with the TV on, though some nights I dearly wish I could. It isnt so much the pictures or the stories as just the solace of having other human voices around me. It makes me feel less alone somehow.
Tonight I have a new glory, Vienna Teng. She has the most beautiful voice, Evenescence not in tone, but in that breathtaking quality that simply reaches out and grabs you by the heart, pulling you in and under. Unignorable. I will play her and Pink Floyd and Trans-Siberian Orchastra, and maybe even some Sixteen Horsepower for contrast. I want wonder tonight, beauty. Hope.
Note to self: download Break Stuff, you're probably going to need it in the near future.
Tonight again, someone watched as I drove away, took me under their arm and gave me light and courage, and didnt turn around until I had faded away into the night. With her somehow I always feel more...me. She worked on my tooth, and stripped away some of the darknes around me, and in its absence I felt myself as she described me, this lighted golden core, this pillar of stregnth and power that is always reaching beyond the night, into the hope of a new morning. I get so lost sometimes, tossed alone out here in this world. And I get so alone sometimes, and it messes me up something fierce. But under it all, I felt it before she said it, that indefinable, seemingly unbreakable core. Though sometimes the only way I really feel or appriciate it is when I hit bottom. Hard. And bounce.
I forget myself so often its a wonder I know my own name.
Tomorrow at 2:30 I am off to raffle my soul to the highest bidder. I gain skills and money and they gain a warm, disposable body, I suppose its a fair trade. What I gain, however, will last me lifetimes, what they get is a one time deal. I suppose that makes me the winner? But I'm still scared.
Martika, "Love Thy Will Be Done." Ozzy Ozbourne and Lita Ford, "Close My Eyes Forever." Les Nuits, "Nightmares on Wax." Ivan Neville, "Why Cant I Fall in Love?" even though it doesnt fit, because I love it so. Helium Vola. Conjure One. No Sixteen Horsepower after all, but there is a charming diversion into Wolfsheim. Music to dream and dream hard by. Music, maybe, to gain power from, wind up into tomorrow. Tomorrow I take my life back. But tonight...tonight I am so damn tired on every level. The walk was wonderful, just what I needed. The food was excellent, the friendship priceless. Maybe there's something worth fighting for in this area after all.
So now...I crash.
Wish me luck.
Tonight I have a new glory, Vienna Teng. She has the most beautiful voice, Evenescence not in tone, but in that breathtaking quality that simply reaches out and grabs you by the heart, pulling you in and under. Unignorable. I will play her and Pink Floyd and Trans-Siberian Orchastra, and maybe even some Sixteen Horsepower for contrast. I want wonder tonight, beauty. Hope.
Note to self: download Break Stuff, you're probably going to need it in the near future.
Tonight again, someone watched as I drove away, took me under their arm and gave me light and courage, and didnt turn around until I had faded away into the night. With her somehow I always feel more...me. She worked on my tooth, and stripped away some of the darknes around me, and in its absence I felt myself as she described me, this lighted golden core, this pillar of stregnth and power that is always reaching beyond the night, into the hope of a new morning. I get so lost sometimes, tossed alone out here in this world. And I get so alone sometimes, and it messes me up something fierce. But under it all, I felt it before she said it, that indefinable, seemingly unbreakable core. Though sometimes the only way I really feel or appriciate it is when I hit bottom. Hard. And bounce.
I forget myself so often its a wonder I know my own name.
Tomorrow at 2:30 I am off to raffle my soul to the highest bidder. I gain skills and money and they gain a warm, disposable body, I suppose its a fair trade. What I gain, however, will last me lifetimes, what they get is a one time deal. I suppose that makes me the winner? But I'm still scared.
Martika, "Love Thy Will Be Done." Ozzy Ozbourne and Lita Ford, "Close My Eyes Forever." Les Nuits, "Nightmares on Wax." Ivan Neville, "Why Cant I Fall in Love?" even though it doesnt fit, because I love it so. Helium Vola. Conjure One. No Sixteen Horsepower after all, but there is a charming diversion into Wolfsheim. Music to dream and dream hard by. Music, maybe, to gain power from, wind up into tomorrow. Tomorrow I take my life back. But tonight...tonight I am so damn tired on every level. The walk was wonderful, just what I needed. The food was excellent, the friendship priceless. Maybe there's something worth fighting for in this area after all.
So now...I crash.
Wish me luck.
Good luck!