You know how writing can be therapeutic? I read some other blogs with a great deal of interest and see how it can be therapeutic to write at length about your inner workings. And I'm fairly certain that no one I know in real life is here on SG, so I can safely write about all I care to share. Don't keep on reading if
Setting: I'm home alone on a Tuesday night, my wife being away on a conference. Since coming home about 2 hours ago, I've managed to demolish most of a serviceable bottle of Italian wine, I've handed the mail box keys and accumulated mail of the past few weeks to our neighbors who were on vacation in Turkey these past few weeks, I've been on the phone with my wife, and I've downloaded two Perry Como albums from amazon which I'm listening to right now. Probably partly on account of the wine, I've literally been driven to tears by the beauty of @exning and I've been sitting here ruminating about my life and what the future may hold in store for me. My job situation took a turn for the more uncertain and perilous today, when our management decided not to admit new M.A. students this April. My closest colleague has her final day on the job tomorrow, after which most of her duties will fall on me, with no additional time or money. It's just so hopeless, more and more work and no future in what was once an interesting and fulfilling job. I've been looking for something new for quite a while now but have to realize that at my age it's getting difficult to find an adequate new job..or even an inadequate one. I can't say enough about how I hate the idea of prostituting myself for a new job... the ridiculous games you have to play to sell yourself, to convey to a prospective employer how great and perfect you are, how you're willing to work hard and enthusiastically for them no matter what... only to get turned down and never learn why. You just set yourself up for disappointments. God I hate this... I can't find any joy in anything anymore, everything weighs me down... heck, even SG feels repetitive and boring. Maybe I really need therapy or something! OK, I'll probably delete this first thing tomorrow morning once embarassment sets in... and if anyone has actually read this drivel, I apologize for unloading my momentary unhappiness here. Wouldn't this world be wonderful if everyone could just be happy, no strings attached?
