Lets settle the score...
When things happen I wonder....should I steam on this journal or shall I keep all parts of life private.
Who the fuck cares.
....
The girlfriend turned out to be an egotistical, selfish, aggressive, alcoholic. Extremely disrespectful from physically and verbally abusive.
I'm not perfect but goddamn!
I've been to the circus, seen all the strings. From blame to intented guilt-raising. It's no wonder I seeked out mistakes early in the relationship. Next time lets hope she doesn't try to date a single mother with a long historical list of bad relationships who is constantly reading books about intuitive living.
I can't help but to think of the comment made by the crazy client of mine stating that
"Columbians live in their own reality"
that's funny....
Once you see the external, suddenly the internal-external manifests....
She was indeed a horrible kisser with bad breath, probably from her harsh words and burried aggression along with the drinking.
On top of that there was no intimacy. Her idea of love making was a game of humping. How can she not bruise her pelvic bone I wonder? It was like a wax museum "Don't touch"
I really wanted it to be something.....
I just wanted love like all simple creatures.
until the dreadful colors of reality....
I should be sad, yet another painful relationship
BUT..
I feeel goooood.
It's the first time I actually got to use my new and improved maturity and deeper conscience..and boy did I pop it's cherry.
I actually made choices and choices didn't make me.
I was able to see true love even though it wasn't anywhere near my neighborhood. It's sad but I can't wait for her to leave for Spain.
This has been a wonderful slap in the face. Another slap stating the same thing for the past 3-4 years....
I need to be in solitude and become the being that I am.
I've been so lost, broken myself, and I always got back up into some other situations half prepared.
Now thats not happening.
I'm actually enjoying these times of growth. I get alot of reading done, writing, alot of long late night stoned bathing, alot of quality time with my son.
When I look in the mirror, I can see myself.
I haven't seen Maxine in a long time.
I'm perversly attracted to it.
You know what else.
I have this friend that I have known for about 3 years. More of an aquaitance, but deeply a friend. I really feel like something is there but I never try. There was a marriage but I believed it failed. I don;t really know how long it's been either. I don't know how express myself because of the situation. I'm very self-conscience around this person, feelings of inadequacy.
I'll just let nature decide.
This person gave me a small gift for my son and I, it was sweet. This person works at the coffee shop next to my job that I always avoid, because I'm fearful. I'm not prepared for a relationship right now, so why start. When I want a coffee I find myself going to timbuktu just to get my fix. I think I will make a CD for this person as a thank you for the small gift that I recieved over 3 months ago.
I hope this time my love is felt.....
I will be gone for a while but I'm really glad I released this crap on here.
Still kisses with saliva, no longer empty and frantic like a cat tied to a stick that's driven into frozen winter shit
When things happen I wonder....should I steam on this journal or shall I keep all parts of life private.
Who the fuck cares.
....
The girlfriend turned out to be an egotistical, selfish, aggressive, alcoholic. Extremely disrespectful from physically and verbally abusive.
I'm not perfect but goddamn!
I've been to the circus, seen all the strings. From blame to intented guilt-raising. It's no wonder I seeked out mistakes early in the relationship. Next time lets hope she doesn't try to date a single mother with a long historical list of bad relationships who is constantly reading books about intuitive living.
I can't help but to think of the comment made by the crazy client of mine stating that
"Columbians live in their own reality"
that's funny....
Once you see the external, suddenly the internal-external manifests....
She was indeed a horrible kisser with bad breath, probably from her harsh words and burried aggression along with the drinking.
On top of that there was no intimacy. Her idea of love making was a game of humping. How can she not bruise her pelvic bone I wonder? It was like a wax museum "Don't touch"
I really wanted it to be something.....
I just wanted love like all simple creatures.
until the dreadful colors of reality....
I should be sad, yet another painful relationship
BUT..
I feeel goooood.
It's the first time I actually got to use my new and improved maturity and deeper conscience..and boy did I pop it's cherry.
I actually made choices and choices didn't make me.
I was able to see true love even though it wasn't anywhere near my neighborhood. It's sad but I can't wait for her to leave for Spain.
This has been a wonderful slap in the face. Another slap stating the same thing for the past 3-4 years....
I need to be in solitude and become the being that I am.
I've been so lost, broken myself, and I always got back up into some other situations half prepared.
Now thats not happening.
I'm actually enjoying these times of growth. I get alot of reading done, writing, alot of long late night stoned bathing, alot of quality time with my son.
When I look in the mirror, I can see myself.
I haven't seen Maxine in a long time.
I'm perversly attracted to it.
You know what else.
I have this friend that I have known for about 3 years. More of an aquaitance, but deeply a friend. I really feel like something is there but I never try. There was a marriage but I believed it failed. I don;t really know how long it's been either. I don't know how express myself because of the situation. I'm very self-conscience around this person, feelings of inadequacy.
I'll just let nature decide.
This person gave me a small gift for my son and I, it was sweet. This person works at the coffee shop next to my job that I always avoid, because I'm fearful. I'm not prepared for a relationship right now, so why start. When I want a coffee I find myself going to timbuktu just to get my fix. I think I will make a CD for this person as a thank you for the small gift that I recieved over 3 months ago.
I hope this time my love is felt.....
I will be gone for a while but I'm really glad I released this crap on here.
Still kisses with saliva, no longer empty and frantic like a cat tied to a stick that's driven into frozen winter shit
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
im sorry she was bad to you
You Know What Else .....
you're a very good person .... i hope everything works out for you
sorry it all spun that way for you, but it really sounds like you're making a better space for YOU. and that's great.