well, we didn't do the serious chat yet. he needs time to get back to reality. he wanted 3 weeks...i said no way! that's not fair to me and its selfish of him. so, hopefully this weekend we can get something ironed out. i don't even know what i want. i'm just confused.
here's a blog i wrote for another site...i thought it would be easier for me to copy and paste rather than re-write...
life is so confusing. so frustrating and annoying at times. don't get me wrong, there are plenty of good times with great rewards, but sometimes they are hard to see.
my life is still at a stand-still. i still don't know where things really stand, i still don't have any place to really live, i still feel like i am floating in limbo just waiting for someone to catch me and help me.
there is so much that is still hard. just that sense of rejection alone is difficult. but, coming around to realize that its not my fault has been the hardest step. another hard part is trying to figure it out.
i really do miss my life. i miss it all. i didn't take it for granted, but didn't appreciate it fully either.
we need to talk...and soon. i need some sense of closure...if thats what you want to call it. it doesn't necessarily mean things are ending or have ended forever, but i need closure on this particular step. i need to know what the deal is. i DESERVE to have that for myself. this whole thing as been so unfair to me this whole time (i'm starting to get a little worked up here)...and he wants time to re-adjust to life. when is it my chance to get some fairness???? when when when? so far, its never been about what's fair for me or the baby? its only been about one person...ok, rant over.
in other news, i am a little worried about celeste...she is shedding lots...i am talking gobs of fur constantly. she is losing weight still, though not as rapidly. she probably only weighs about 5 pounds...not really good for an 8 year old cat. my fear is that i will have to put her down. to accept the fact that she's ill and do something about it. i will if that's what i have to do, because my kitty baby is not going to suffer. but the timing is shitty. i have had one of the hardest, most painful summers of my life. and if this comes to pass any time soon, i don't know if i will be able to handle it. i just don't know.
when is the point that you get pushed over the edge of what you can and can't handle? i've been pushed so far lately. i feel stronger now, but how fragile is my strength?
baby news~she kicks a lot. and it hurts. lately, she's been bouncing on my bladder i think. i don't like that much. and i think she's wedged a foot or an arm in between a few major organs. all i feel is pain when i stand and pain when i sit and pain when i move. its not constant pain, but it does hurt like hell.
i think that's all i have to say for today...its a long one since its been so long since i have written. i have been busy.
oh, one more thing...and this really pisses me off...CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT KYLE BUSCH WON THE DAMN NASCAR RACE AGAIN??? THAT'S HIS 8TH FLIPPIN' WIN THIS SEASON AND THERE ARE SO MANY RACES LEFT! WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!? ok, rant 2, done.
i am hungry. i think i'll go to the mall and get a pretzel.
here's a blog i wrote for another site...i thought it would be easier for me to copy and paste rather than re-write...
life is so confusing. so frustrating and annoying at times. don't get me wrong, there are plenty of good times with great rewards, but sometimes they are hard to see.
my life is still at a stand-still. i still don't know where things really stand, i still don't have any place to really live, i still feel like i am floating in limbo just waiting for someone to catch me and help me.
there is so much that is still hard. just that sense of rejection alone is difficult. but, coming around to realize that its not my fault has been the hardest step. another hard part is trying to figure it out.
i really do miss my life. i miss it all. i didn't take it for granted, but didn't appreciate it fully either.
we need to talk...and soon. i need some sense of closure...if thats what you want to call it. it doesn't necessarily mean things are ending or have ended forever, but i need closure on this particular step. i need to know what the deal is. i DESERVE to have that for myself. this whole thing as been so unfair to me this whole time (i'm starting to get a little worked up here)...and he wants time to re-adjust to life. when is it my chance to get some fairness???? when when when? so far, its never been about what's fair for me or the baby? its only been about one person...ok, rant over.
in other news, i am a little worried about celeste...she is shedding lots...i am talking gobs of fur constantly. she is losing weight still, though not as rapidly. she probably only weighs about 5 pounds...not really good for an 8 year old cat. my fear is that i will have to put her down. to accept the fact that she's ill and do something about it. i will if that's what i have to do, because my kitty baby is not going to suffer. but the timing is shitty. i have had one of the hardest, most painful summers of my life. and if this comes to pass any time soon, i don't know if i will be able to handle it. i just don't know.
when is the point that you get pushed over the edge of what you can and can't handle? i've been pushed so far lately. i feel stronger now, but how fragile is my strength?
baby news~she kicks a lot. and it hurts. lately, she's been bouncing on my bladder i think. i don't like that much. and i think she's wedged a foot or an arm in between a few major organs. all i feel is pain when i stand and pain when i sit and pain when i move. its not constant pain, but it does hurt like hell.
i think that's all i have to say for today...its a long one since its been so long since i have written. i have been busy.
oh, one more thing...and this really pisses me off...CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT KYLE BUSCH WON THE DAMN NASCAR RACE AGAIN??? THAT'S HIS 8TH FLIPPIN' WIN THIS SEASON AND THERE ARE SO MANY RACES LEFT! WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!? ok, rant 2, done.
i am hungry. i think i'll go to the mall and get a pretzel.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
as for the rest, you will survive because you have to, and i bet youre stronger than you think.