Give me monster love or give me etertnal loneliness.
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So I'm 28 this month and I've already failed one marriage. Not sure how I am supposed to feel about this being that there is a stigma associated with the big D. You are not single now, you are DIVORCED. See how that works? Ever notice when you are filling out forms, there are always checkboxes for Single, Married and Divorced (sometimes Widowed too). The fact is, I've earned it - my freedom that is. And if that's what the world want to call my emancipation and new chapter of immense personal growth then so be it.I love my husband dearly but it wasn't meant to be and I knew it in my heart long ago. We had a good run and will never ever forget him and what we had despite the fact that we were never meant to be. I relied on illusions to get by and I am too loyal to just give up so I gave it more than the college try, and so did he. But I finally have extricated myself from my best friend. And oddly, I feel good. It's not easy, some days it's excruciating but I'm OK, really. I feel as if a huge weight has been lifted off my chest and I can finally take deep breaths again. 5 years of shallow breathing, I was suffocating.
I've never really gone looking for love, it usually finds me and I am more than willing to take it (after a vigorous appliaction and evaluation process because it is VERY hard for me to accept love as genuine since most people are assholes) but after several long term relationships coming to an end I thought I would fail to put in the effort with anyone anymore. However, I see now that what's happened to me is this: My heart is so swollen from all of the times it's been broken that I've shut it off. I really have tried, and despite my best efforts it always ended in excruciating pain. I realize now that though I've loved, I've never REALLY loved, to the capacity that my burning fucking heart is capable of. So there is so much in there that is waiting to be unlocked by the right person. The needle in a haystack effect. The law of averages are weighted against me and I hate gambling - Its a tax on people who are bad at math. But perhaps it is possible to be the one lucky person who'll roll over that needle and have it puncture the impenetrable seal on my heart. Perhaps the needle is infact, stronger than the seal I've created. Perhaps I'm already rolling towards that needle and I'm just about to feel the pinprick that will eventually break open the floodgates. Perhaps I shouldn't give up on love after all? One things for sure, in my world (I'm trying to learn to be an optimist), The Bride of Frankenstein instantly falls in love with the monster and there is no tragic ending. They get married and their invites are an image of two hands holding one another with matching stitched-up wrists. So, with that in mind - ONWARD! Here goes nothing!
Misunderstood monsters with gigantic hearts should apply within. Daisies are enocouraged but not required.
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P.S. this isn't a personal ad, it''s a testimonial.
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So I'm 28 this month and I've already failed one marriage. Not sure how I am supposed to feel about this being that there is a stigma associated with the big D. You are not single now, you are DIVORCED. See how that works? Ever notice when you are filling out forms, there are always checkboxes for Single, Married and Divorced (sometimes Widowed too). The fact is, I've earned it - my freedom that is. And if that's what the world want to call my emancipation and new chapter of immense personal growth then so be it.I love my husband dearly but it wasn't meant to be and I knew it in my heart long ago. We had a good run and will never ever forget him and what we had despite the fact that we were never meant to be. I relied on illusions to get by and I am too loyal to just give up so I gave it more than the college try, and so did he. But I finally have extricated myself from my best friend. And oddly, I feel good. It's not easy, some days it's excruciating but I'm OK, really. I feel as if a huge weight has been lifted off my chest and I can finally take deep breaths again. 5 years of shallow breathing, I was suffocating.
I've never really gone looking for love, it usually finds me and I am more than willing to take it (after a vigorous appliaction and evaluation process because it is VERY hard for me to accept love as genuine since most people are assholes) but after several long term relationships coming to an end I thought I would fail to put in the effort with anyone anymore. However, I see now that what's happened to me is this: My heart is so swollen from all of the times it's been broken that I've shut it off. I really have tried, and despite my best efforts it always ended in excruciating pain. I realize now that though I've loved, I've never REALLY loved, to the capacity that my burning fucking heart is capable of. So there is so much in there that is waiting to be unlocked by the right person. The needle in a haystack effect. The law of averages are weighted against me and I hate gambling - Its a tax on people who are bad at math. But perhaps it is possible to be the one lucky person who'll roll over that needle and have it puncture the impenetrable seal on my heart. Perhaps the needle is infact, stronger than the seal I've created. Perhaps I'm already rolling towards that needle and I'm just about to feel the pinprick that will eventually break open the floodgates. Perhaps I shouldn't give up on love after all? One things for sure, in my world (I'm trying to learn to be an optimist), The Bride of Frankenstein instantly falls in love with the monster and there is no tragic ending. They get married and their invites are an image of two hands holding one another with matching stitched-up wrists. So, with that in mind - ONWARD! Here goes nothing!
Misunderstood monsters with gigantic hearts should apply within. Daisies are enocouraged but not required.
----
P.S. this isn't a personal ad, it''s a testimonial.
VIEW 25 of 33 COMMENTS
But that's only in one sense. On another level you are a person going through trying times. I have been through my own and I don't envy you. I honestly wish you would have stayed married, if only to avoid the feelings i think you must have. Oh well,
I wish you all the best.
-Joe
When I got to the matching stitched up wrists part I got a little teary. HAHA! I love hormones.
Thanks for letting me get drunk and stupid and stay at your house. I'll return the favor anytime, toots