jonnyjester

all i know is i love you

and im sorry i let what you said get to me.... but i was fine until you said something....

im done


goodnight


[Edited on Oct 30, 2003 12:51PM]

To tell me that you don't think i'd ever leave you wouldn't sound dumb or psycho to me unless i'm actually planning on leaving you... which i'm not... so have at it. Use it as a mantra, say it instead of cheese sandwich, order it at the pharmacy. They won't mind.

I just hate the idea that something like that, an important part of who i am, could be taken so lightly. I don't believe that you'd have me fucking another guy as quickly as you'd have me with another girl, which was my only point. Sure, guys, in general would have their girl with another girl if given a choice, but many girls don't have the capacity to love other girls. I do.

Not to stretch this out any farther. We had a fun day. I love you lots and lots. See you when i get home.

I love you. Be crazy- it's cute.
I wanna nibble yer nose off.
With love, of course.

all goodness and glee feelings away?... shame shame, not enough cherry people.... booze away, you have my blessin! and, er, yeh, drugs are good too.... thtas what i meant

laters

haha!!!
well don't operate any heavey machinery!!

someone get some last night?.....

"I do tell her i love her, and i tel her im not in love with her, and i also tell her that i dont want her to have to worry about any of my problems, because she has so many of her own.... now the contradicting part..... i want her to let me help her when she needs it, and i want her to help me now if we while we're together we get into trouble, but i dont want help in my past problems... why i dont know... i feel she shouldnt be burdened with my stuff... but if she would allow me to burden myself with her stuff then cool, cause i would love to help her out....."

Well, relationships are often messy and contradictory - nothing wrong with that - but when you both seem to be hurting you obviously need to talk things out a bit more and spend time listening to each other.

The fear of being alone is always there. I learned too late about the consequences of pushing someone away. I lost her. Before it happened I used to try manifest the pain and try to create scenerios where our relationship wouldn't work out because of what I might... or what we might go through. Because of that, I would intentionally create distance to try to prevent the worst-case scenerio from happening. Then the worst case scenerio did happen: I lost her. And it had nothing to do with any of the bullshit catastophies that I thought might occur. It was my fear that ruined everything... everything. So if you want to change, you have to let go and make yourself vunerable to the person you're commited to. That's it. It's fucking hard. I still have problems with it.

bleh
So, did it go away?


[Edited on Sep 19, 2003]

So, if you haven't been to my journal yet, you don't yet know what a gigantic ditz i am. The court date is the 24th of SEPTEMBER. There is absolutely no reason at all whatsoever why you're there and i'm not. Not even the me-working-while-you-find-a-job thing because you found one right away and i have one all set up for me out there, i just gotta find a bus to it. SO, yeah. Hmmmm... I feel silly. And i feel like i want to rape you. And also, i feel like kissing you a lot. And having a bed day. One day. Soon. I love you tons and tons and tons. Mucho sandwiches queso, er... something.

Hey Jonny

Just checked out the baby pics. Congrats on being a dad - he's beautiful