Well, I finally met someone back in May. We fell for each other very quickly and things were great for about 4 months. Unfortunately her heart was still in another place, as she began pushing me away the closer we got to each other. Friday we split up and now I’m left with memories of the short time we shared. It was everything I ever wanted, so was she. She hated hearing it, and would also claim she wasn’t that. Nobody is perfect, I know I’m not, but her imperfections were never even visible to me, as I was blinded by what I loved about her. I knew enough about her past that had red flags waving, but they didn’t matter. I saw a wonderful soul that needed healing from another soul that would support and love her. But I guess she is too used to the abuse from her previous relationships, and still had a soft spot for someone who is terribly selfish and insensitive.
She was terribly Ill one night, while we were just beginning to be together, and her ex came over to talk with her... he apparently spent the night lashing out at her... who does that? I’m surprised she let him in to discuss anything while sick, to begin with, but if he was acting like a complete asshole while she was that sick (I’m talking deathly ill)... that should be more than enough to end any future with him. I would think that even a 3 year relationship that was constantly on and off, would suffer from that.
anyway... it’s been 4 days since we texted each other or talked.. I miss her so much. What sucks is that she acts like we shouldn’t even see each other any more. It’s as though she is embarrassed about something. I would at least like to remain friends, because she was a very positive part of my life. I was as supportive as I possibly could be. Sending uplifting text messages while she was feeling down or over worked. Going out of my way to get her coffee on the days she worked double shifts, so she got a little energy to drive home... even drove her to work and back, between jobs. Knew she didn’t have time to grocery shop, so I’d go to Walgreens and get her the necessities. I guess being there for her wasn’t enough. At first I thought I was just being too clingy, maybe that played a part, but in end it appears that she just couldn’t let go of a relationship that she was used to, but wasn’t really working out.
Friday night we held each other in the garage for nearly 8 minutes, before we went our separate ways. I’ll most likely see her at the club, still, but I’m terribly unsure where we will stand or if she is going to continue to hide from me. I don’t understand it... maybe she is worried we may yet connect again if we continue to see each other, or maybe there is more that she has yet to tell me that scares her. She always told me that we need to communicate to make this work... I never had anything negative on my mind other than stupid insecurities that I tried to overcome, but I always felt like there was something hidden.
its all over now, though. Sucks. Everything we shared was wonderful, she even introduced me to several things I never thought I’d enjoy. She was playful in public. She would purposely rub herself against me, knowing it would turn me way the hell on. Loved it. Always thought I would be embarrassed, but nope... I craved her attention and affection way too much.
I always told myself that I would never want to change the past, because life is full of lessons to be learned... but when it comes to her... I’d take that all back to fix whatever it was that pulled us apart.