jesselyn

I am ashamed!

I have always taken pride in how close I am to my family. I never knew that that pride would be the cause of my worst pain. I am ashamed to say that my family relationships have suffered severely now that I'm getting married. I used to consider my mother my best friend. Once I moved in with Ray, my family stopped trying to spend time with me or inviting me to family functions. Ray and I have been talking about marriage for over 2 years now. We've had the date chosen almost as long. We've been officially engaged since the day after Easter last year. My father says he doesn't know if he can make it to my wedding. My little brother told me yesterday that he doesn't know when my wedding is, but he's pretty sure he can't make it. He was supposed to be a groomsman. My older sister simply says that she just can't buy a bridesmaid dress now, she's going to Vegas with her boyfriend. And keeps telling others that there is no way in hell she'll allow me to get married before she does.

Why can't people just be happy for me? I can't imagine having negative feelings towards anyone who is happy. Nor would I ever consider missing such a momentous occasion for anyone I claim to love. So either I'm an awful person who has somehow, unknowingly, offended that many members of her family; or my family is just really shitty.

I feel ashamed of my family. And like the stupidest person alive for ever believing that I had unconditional love and close relationships with them.