My Famous Mysterious Actor Show monologue jokes for the Bridgetown Comedy Festival
You might have seen these on Facebook. However, there are a few here who have not, so shut yer trap. Granted, these are a little dated, what with the festival taking place at the end of April. Also, keep in mind these are meant to be said aloud by the Famous Mysterious Actor himself, and not read silently by a lame-o like you.
* means not used
Theres a democrat in the White House, the Trail Blazers are in the playoffs and Jeannine Garofalo is performing at the Bridgetown Comedy Festival. There hasnt been this much excitement in Portland since someone invented apathy.
*Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Rosen broke up. Lindsay says now she can devote more time to her true passion, losing her panties in the back seat of Herbie the Love Bug.
*Is it just me or does Mayor Sam Adams look like Brainy Smurf, except instead of being blue, hes kissing boys. -- Sam Adams, good friend of the show!
The economy is so bad right now
*...Barack Obama stood on an aircraft carrier and the banner behind him said "Mission good enough for government work."
The next Ponzi pyramid scheme will only be a triangle
the Blazers can only afford one playoff series.
Somali pirates are doing it just for the sodomy
the Octomom is considering selling one of her uteruses.
...Chunk from the Goonies is reduced to doing the government cheese shuffle.
The twelve lane bridge between Portland and Vancouver, Washington seems like its picking up steam. This means 600 primered '87 IROC Camaros can make it into downtown Portland every hour.
*Troubles brewing in Afghanistan again, but the Pentagon says our resolutions never been stronger. Were going to beat the Taliban even if it means covering up 1000 former football players deaths.
Who's gayer Skeletor or Cobra Commander? Neither. Homophobes. BURN! -- that ought to make up for the Sam Adams joke.
Whats the difference between Bo the Obama Dog and Americas banking CEOs? One takes dumps on the White House lawn and the other is named Bo the Obama Dog.
You might have seen these on Facebook. However, there are a few here who have not, so shut yer trap. Granted, these are a little dated, what with the festival taking place at the end of April. Also, keep in mind these are meant to be said aloud by the Famous Mysterious Actor himself, and not read silently by a lame-o like you.
* means not used
Theres a democrat in the White House, the Trail Blazers are in the playoffs and Jeannine Garofalo is performing at the Bridgetown Comedy Festival. There hasnt been this much excitement in Portland since someone invented apathy.
*Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Rosen broke up. Lindsay says now she can devote more time to her true passion, losing her panties in the back seat of Herbie the Love Bug.
*Is it just me or does Mayor Sam Adams look like Brainy Smurf, except instead of being blue, hes kissing boys. -- Sam Adams, good friend of the show!
The economy is so bad right now
*...Barack Obama stood on an aircraft carrier and the banner behind him said "Mission good enough for government work."
The next Ponzi pyramid scheme will only be a triangle
the Blazers can only afford one playoff series.
Somali pirates are doing it just for the sodomy
the Octomom is considering selling one of her uteruses.
...Chunk from the Goonies is reduced to doing the government cheese shuffle.
The twelve lane bridge between Portland and Vancouver, Washington seems like its picking up steam. This means 600 primered '87 IROC Camaros can make it into downtown Portland every hour.
*Troubles brewing in Afghanistan again, but the Pentagon says our resolutions never been stronger. Were going to beat the Taliban even if it means covering up 1000 former football players deaths.
Who's gayer Skeletor or Cobra Commander? Neither. Homophobes. BURN! -- that ought to make up for the Sam Adams joke.
Whats the difference between Bo the Obama Dog and Americas banking CEOs? One takes dumps on the White House lawn and the other is named Bo the Obama Dog.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
i love that it, more or less, turns into a big festival for science fiction geekdom, which is certainly in the arena of kitsch that i appreciate. i did grow up going to star trek conventions, after all. which, you still need to see, by the way. and i should probably see again.
it's interesting to me how the world of technology makes our patience for things so much less. instant pictures are a good example. i think it might be one of the reasons why i like to wonder around with my holga and some black and white 120 film. i like the surprise of it, the way that the anticipation builds to make it feel even better when you've actually seen the result. sometimes when i messed up an entire roll of film, i like the surprise less. but usually.
i think perhaps now i stop with the writing and get to the sleeping. i stumbled onto a friend's birthday at the bar, and am a little tipsier than my usual self. although i suppose tipsy blog commenting is less annoying than tipsy drunk texts or phone calls, which you are both currently safe from.
i grew up in western pennsylvania, bummed around various parts of pa for most of my life, then moved to massachusetts for a year before i moved to boise. it's kindof a different world out here in a lot of ways. i'm pretty sure i like it, though. well, not boise per se, but the more western part of the country. i guess it's just a matter of seeing where i end up for master's degree number 2. one school i'll likely apply to is way back easy, one's in portland, and one's in arizona. i need to work on that list a little bit, though.
heh. i do appreciate my digital camera. it was quite nice to have it for spain, driving across the country (although those pictures are floating on someone else's flickr instead of mine), and for being in thailand. i didn't pick up my holga until i was in thailand, but now i pretty much love her. i love her enough to be playing with visual poetry, which is pretty fun. and which i will also likely really fail at. but i've got to fail a lot to figure it out before i can be decent at it. it'll all work out in the end, i imagine.
while i certainly consider my mom and my sisters to be nerdy in their own way, i imagine i've probably got some of the most stereotypical geekdom. i'm the one with the comic book tattoos who reads a lot of poetry, i'm the one who loves to sit around playing bored games or reading books and used to play magic: the gathering, etc etc. i'm more than okay with it, really.
yeah, there's this one bar that i tend to frequent because it's only a few blocks away from my house and i know the bartenders and many of the regulars. i headed down there, and stumbled into the birthday celebration. it was a good time. better than my cinco de mayo, which involved being present for a stabbing, but that's a whole different story.
generally i only get sucked into tipsy texting. i don't really like talking on the phone enough for the other options, and am far too shy in my non-internet persona for pretty much all of them. although it seems like i got into tipsy message board postings, too.
these comments are turning into the length of small emails, i think. oh, well.