jamber

ahhh.

All alone. I feel somewhat obligated to update on account of how wonderfully free and fabulous I am feeling at the moment. The lady is sleeping with her papa.... the mother-in-law is in bed as well.....it's just me and Portishead.

Yum. Portishead. I am feeling very into sexy music these days. Maybe it's my unforfilled desire for closeness and intimacy. I am feeling almost desperate for it. I have spent the last 6 days going out after Olive goes to sleep...without Him. He doesnt seem to mind, in fact, he seems to be happy about it. See, that way he can go out without me caring too much. Take last night. I went out with my girl freind and he went to a party. Or, a few nights before I went out drinking with a guy freind and he hung out with his homies. I feel as though I am giving up....but I dont know what else to do. I have kept our marraige strong....and I am growing tired of doing so. He doesnt like to touch me. He doesnt like to kiss me. How long can a person go without love? How long should a person go without love? I long so much for the time when he looked at me like I was beautiful and intersesting. That was a long time ago, so long I cant even remember........


-I'm lost, exposed
Stranger things will come your way
Its just I'm scared
Got hurt along time ago
I can't make myself heard no matter how hard I scream
Ohh sensation
Sin, slave of sensation
Full fed yet I still hunger
Torn inside
Haunted I tell myself, yet I still wander
Down, inside, its tearing me apart
Ohh sensation
Sin, slave of sensation-


Thank you for reading my vent. Wow...that just crept up on me. I didint intend to vent....

I know I have many decisions to make, and the more people I speake to about my marraige the more clear it has become that this is a decision I must make all on my own. Advice is pretty useless to me at this point. The answers will come..........and I thrust myself to make the right choices.

Goodnight.