Well here I am so unsure of everything! I will try not to make this Depressing! I am not depressed just sad and lonely! I don't understand anything! As soon as I think things are looking up and I may have a small chance at happiness It all falls apart and kicks me in the face! I hate feeling this way! All I want is to be happy why is that soooooo hard for me to achieve! I swear I am defective! Something has to be wrong with me that I cant get loved the way a person should from the one person I want it from more than anything! I am sorry I put on a front sometimes like everything is peachy when its not, well when it comes right down to it my mask or front is all I have to keep me going it gives me the small hope that things will be ok! When I really have no idea cause everytime I think they will be ok I am WRONG!
(not that anyone is judging me just liked the pic)
All I have wanted ever is to be LOVED COMPLETELY for all that I am!!! I am not perfect I dont claim to be! I get pissy I have a bad attitude sometimes! But I want to be loved! I dont want to be second best to someone or something else! WHen is it my turn to be first!
I hate not knowing what my future holds! Its scarey tomorrow I could find myself alone and without anything! I hate knowing that I hate feeling that! I just never thought for a second I would screw up my life so badly! But here I sit
somedays I dont have any idea what I am doing or why i continue to do it! But I trudge on!
There are a few people in my life that keep me going! vsanthos r3plica bellica katieokiedokie burntsolace punknitemike djmod ladybug ravzilla deadmillion all you guys really mean the world to me and have been there for me with all the fucked up things in my life! You've been there to listen to me complain, to be there for me when i cried, some of you have been there to hug me when i needed one! I would have fallen apart without you guys! If there is anyone i for got I appologize! Some of you call just to check up on me to make sure I am doing ok! it feels really good to be loved like that! I dont have that here! I wish i lived closer to all those people that care so much for me and see me for who I am! I dont understand why people here cant see me for who i am but I am glad that you guys do! Everytime i talk to you guys no matter what my mood or how upset i am! YOU MAKE ME SMILE AND LAUGH SO MUCH I CAN BARELY CONTAIN MYSELF!!! I love you all!
You all are those people!
I am hoping my life wont continue to suck but knowing I have friends like you guys helps a little! I know I am being stupid and sappy! But I have done sooo much wrong in my life, Lost so many people that were important to me, People I loved, Family Friends, Best friends, Loves! I just want the people that mean the most to me to know exactly what they mean to me! I Dont want to lose anyone else that matters to me! I am lonely enough now without losing everyone else! I love you all and I just wanted you to know! I have to believe that things will look up for me soon! I cant make some of the things in my life better or make them go away but I can learn from them and use them to move forward! There are people in my life I wish were still apart of it there are others I wish would disappear (none which is any of the people on here) I just long for a simple life where I am loved and appreciated! I try so hard to do what I am suppose to, to live my life good and sometimes I just cant seem to make it work! People end up hating me and leaving me behind! Oh how i wish it werent that way! I want to say its there loss but is it really!?! When I have so many people in my life turn there backs on me! maybe they are the ones better off! I know I will get yelled at for that statement but sometimes its just how i feel! Just being honest! Just like I know I dont deserve to be treated badly by the one I love but everytime I love someone I do! Couincidence I think NOT! ok so I cant spell SHOOT ME hahahaha! As long as the people that mean sooooo much to me now know how much their friendship truely means to me then maybe I am on my way to not losing those I love! Anyways I think i have rambled and been sappy enough! Thanks for listening or reading of whatever! Soon I hope to have pics of my house up! I love it here btw!
Ok enough for now-Ireland! 
(not that anyone is judging me just liked the pic)All I have wanted ever is to be LOVED COMPLETELY for all that I am!!! I am not perfect I dont claim to be! I get pissy I have a bad attitude sometimes! But I want to be loved! I dont want to be second best to someone or something else! WHen is it my turn to be first!
I hate not knowing what my future holds! Its scarey tomorrow I could find myself alone and without anything! I hate knowing that I hate feeling that! I just never thought for a second I would screw up my life so badly! But here I sit
somedays I dont have any idea what I am doing or why i continue to do it! But I trudge on!
There are a few people in my life that keep me going! vsanthos r3plica bellica katieokiedokie burntsolace punknitemike djmod ladybug ravzilla deadmillion all you guys really mean the world to me and have been there for me with all the fucked up things in my life! You've been there to listen to me complain, to be there for me when i cried, some of you have been there to hug me when i needed one! I would have fallen apart without you guys! If there is anyone i for got I appologize! Some of you call just to check up on me to make sure I am doing ok! it feels really good to be loved like that! I dont have that here! I wish i lived closer to all those people that care so much for me and see me for who I am! I dont understand why people here cant see me for who i am but I am glad that you guys do! Everytime i talk to you guys no matter what my mood or how upset i am! YOU MAKE ME SMILE AND LAUGH SO MUCH I CAN BARELY CONTAIN MYSELF!!! I love you all!
You all are those people!
I am hoping my life wont continue to suck but knowing I have friends like you guys helps a little! I know I am being stupid and sappy! But I have done sooo much wrong in my life, Lost so many people that were important to me, People I loved, Family Friends, Best friends, Loves! I just want the people that mean the most to me to know exactly what they mean to me! I Dont want to lose anyone else that matters to me! I am lonely enough now without losing everyone else! I love you all and I just wanted you to know! I have to believe that things will look up for me soon! I cant make some of the things in my life better or make them go away but I can learn from them and use them to move forward! There are people in my life I wish were still apart of it there are others I wish would disappear (none which is any of the people on here) I just long for a simple life where I am loved and appreciated! I try so hard to do what I am suppose to, to live my life good and sometimes I just cant seem to make it work! People end up hating me and leaving me behind! Oh how i wish it werent that way! I want to say its there loss but is it really!?! When I have so many people in my life turn there backs on me! maybe they are the ones better off! I know I will get yelled at for that statement but sometimes its just how i feel! Just being honest! Just like I know I dont deserve to be treated badly by the one I love but everytime I love someone I do! Couincidence I think NOT! ok so I cant spell SHOOT ME hahahaha! As long as the people that mean sooooo much to me now know how much their friendship truely means to me then maybe I am on my way to not losing those I love! Anyways I think i have rambled and been sappy enough! Thanks for listening or reading of whatever! Soon I hope to have pics of my house up! I love it here btw!
Ok enough for now-Ireland!
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
people like you have happy endings.
Its a fact,
sorry, you cant get around it.
You will be banished to a world of fulfillment and happiness and there is NOTHING you can do to stop it.
*poof*
Thank you for the sweet welcome message , Keep your chin up =)
PS i'm not kidding about all the happiness hoopla either