Every first of April is a day where your every word and action will be questioned. Truths will always be doubted and lies become the expected. And you had better tread carefully as well, unless you wish to be made a fool.
A day rejoiced by zealous jokesters and recalcitrant pranksters, but is it all really in good fun? The humiliation inflicted upon a diffident person can be scarring for life. April 1st is a celebration of the cruelty inflicted by one human on another. Children and adults alike, jeer at one another, apathetic to the pain of their peers and coworkers. While some of the jokes are benign, others can leave people blinded, dismembered, or may even result in death. The old “bleach and ammonia mixture in your sister’s perfume bottle prank” results in deadly choleric gas. Initially it might seem humorous, but when the police start investigating your sister’s sudden demise it won’t seem so funny.
Not only that, but April Fools invokes a total lack of trust in everyone, for everyone. The fear of being the butt of a joke leaves people secluded and dubious. Take for instance, if your best friend, Ben, was crossing the street. The driver of an oncoming motor vehicle spills his Pepsi and his looking for napkins between the seats. You see the car isn’t slowing and your friend is in peril. You yell, “Look out Ben! There’s a car!” But of course Ben doesn’t believe you, “Yeah, yeah, good one! You really got me. April Fo- ”, at which point he is cut off by the car slamming into him, knocking his last breath out of him as his ribs are splintered and shank into his lungs. Perhaps the passenger of the car screams “OMFG, dude! You just ran over that kid! Stop the car!” But naturally as it is April 1st the driver replies, “I can’t believe you would even joke about something like that. You’re a sick man.”, and so your best friend, Ben, is dragged under the car for another 5 blocks before the driver arrives at the supermarket and finds the shredded corpse under his car. The facial features effaced by the mile and a half of pavement, the police have to retrace the trail of smeared tissues and bone shards collecting teeth to compare with Ben’s dental records.
As you can see, April Fools is simply no laughing matter. Now some would argue that April Fools is not at fault for the tragic scenario mentioned above. Perhaps we should sue the Pepsi Company for creating hazards products that can spill into our laps and distract our driving. But I believe it is clear if the situation had occurred on any day other than April Fools, the outcome would have been far less grim for your dear friend, Ben. And this is why I propose that we eliminate the first of April from the calendar. The 92nd day of the year will become March 32nd, and then will move right on into April 2nd. April Fools has got to go.
A day rejoiced by zealous jokesters and recalcitrant pranksters, but is it all really in good fun? The humiliation inflicted upon a diffident person can be scarring for life. April 1st is a celebration of the cruelty inflicted by one human on another. Children and adults alike, jeer at one another, apathetic to the pain of their peers and coworkers. While some of the jokes are benign, others can leave people blinded, dismembered, or may even result in death. The old “bleach and ammonia mixture in your sister’s perfume bottle prank” results in deadly choleric gas. Initially it might seem humorous, but when the police start investigating your sister’s sudden demise it won’t seem so funny.
Not only that, but April Fools invokes a total lack of trust in everyone, for everyone. The fear of being the butt of a joke leaves people secluded and dubious. Take for instance, if your best friend, Ben, was crossing the street. The driver of an oncoming motor vehicle spills his Pepsi and his looking for napkins between the seats. You see the car isn’t slowing and your friend is in peril. You yell, “Look out Ben! There’s a car!” But of course Ben doesn’t believe you, “Yeah, yeah, good one! You really got me. April Fo- ”, at which point he is cut off by the car slamming into him, knocking his last breath out of him as his ribs are splintered and shank into his lungs. Perhaps the passenger of the car screams “OMFG, dude! You just ran over that kid! Stop the car!” But naturally as it is April 1st the driver replies, “I can’t believe you would even joke about something like that. You’re a sick man.”, and so your best friend, Ben, is dragged under the car for another 5 blocks before the driver arrives at the supermarket and finds the shredded corpse under his car. The facial features effaced by the mile and a half of pavement, the police have to retrace the trail of smeared tissues and bone shards collecting teeth to compare with Ben’s dental records.
As you can see, April Fools is simply no laughing matter. Now some would argue that April Fools is not at fault for the tragic scenario mentioned above. Perhaps we should sue the Pepsi Company for creating hazards products that can spill into our laps and distract our driving. But I believe it is clear if the situation had occurred on any day other than April Fools, the outcome would have been far less grim for your dear friend, Ben. And this is why I propose that we eliminate the first of April from the calendar. The 92nd day of the year will become March 32nd, and then will move right on into April 2nd. April Fools has got to go.
sneakypie: