I submit to you the term "expectations."
My entire childhood I had certain expectations. I heard phrases regularly like "when you grow up and get married" or "when you have children of your own." My dad used to say "I can't wait until you have your own house so I can come and turn on every light and leave the refrigerator open!"
At school I heard even weirder things (which were oddly easier to deprogram) like "when jesus comes back" or "when the Tribulation comes..." but expectations for life, those have been such a hard framework to ignore. The pattern has always been expected as:
Be born, go to grade school, go to middle school, go to high school, graduate, go to college, find a career, work said career, find a woman, get married, squeeze out 2.5 kids, live in suburbia, work said career to retirement, grow old with your wife watching your kids and grandkids follow the same pattern.but how many people ever follow that boring and predictable pattern? how many interesting people ever had their course so simple and stale? Perhaps our culture is obsessed with reality television and celebrities because those folks always defy the conventional paths and still achieve all the wealth and greatness suburbia envies.
What do expectations get us? Think, if you will, to a spoiled child. Why does a child scream, and cry, and throw temper tantrums? Children are not stupid, in fact the rate at which their brains associate ideas, make connections, and discern patterns would be considered genius level in an adult. But children, like some pets, have a narrow range of interests (mostly limited by their lack of life experience.) Usually they want some thing
that brings them simple pleasure. Food because they're hungry, sweets because they taste good, play because it's fun, attention because they need company, etc. A child who is denied these pleasures and "acts spoiled" is
behaving that way because their expectations have been denied. Now it is possible that crying, screaming, or behaving in a nasty way have overcome the objections in their parents on other occasions. Therefore, the behavior
is only employed as a "button" the child pushes to generate a desired result. But when the child is actually crying, actually screaming, actually yelling "i hate you" it is because they are angry. They are hurt. Their expectations have been denied.
And whose fault is that? The parents who gave them attention at bedtime, sweets before dinner, let them play instead of homework? That authority figure established the pattern that certain expectations on the nature and
progression of their lives would be met, and for someone whose life experience can be measured in so short a time, every such expectation is forever.
Bruce Lee said: "The first thing one must realize is that there are no such thing as problems. And therefore there is no 'solution.' There is only life, living, and the mastery of life."
Miyamoto Musashi wrote a journal called The Way of Walking Alone in which he wrote, "Do not ever think in acquisitive terms. Do not harbor hopes for your own personal home. Do not be intent on possessing valuables in old age."
He also wrote that a true warrior should "have no heart for approaching the path of love."
So what remains but to take up the sword and "destroy Heaven and Earth" as Musashi says. Not to cut my opponent, but to allow myself to be the conduit of the cut, the lightning rod between heaven and earth that transmits the universal truth that the cut must now happen. In that world, there is no expectation of sex and marriage and little versions of myself carrying on my legacy. Rather there is but the understanding that each breath is an unexpected gift. Each moment happens in and of itself, and cannot be denied or expected.
I am.
It is.
And those truths are the mere justification needed for all other universal truths that we become the conduit for.
My entire childhood I had certain expectations. I heard phrases regularly like "when you grow up and get married" or "when you have children of your own." My dad used to say "I can't wait until you have your own house so I can come and turn on every light and leave the refrigerator open!"
At school I heard even weirder things (which were oddly easier to deprogram) like "when jesus comes back" or "when the Tribulation comes..." but expectations for life, those have been such a hard framework to ignore. The pattern has always been expected as:
Be born, go to grade school, go to middle school, go to high school, graduate, go to college, find a career, work said career, find a woman, get married, squeeze out 2.5 kids, live in suburbia, work said career to retirement, grow old with your wife watching your kids and grandkids follow the same pattern.but how many people ever follow that boring and predictable pattern? how many interesting people ever had their course so simple and stale? Perhaps our culture is obsessed with reality television and celebrities because those folks always defy the conventional paths and still achieve all the wealth and greatness suburbia envies.
What do expectations get us? Think, if you will, to a spoiled child. Why does a child scream, and cry, and throw temper tantrums? Children are not stupid, in fact the rate at which their brains associate ideas, make connections, and discern patterns would be considered genius level in an adult. But children, like some pets, have a narrow range of interests (mostly limited by their lack of life experience.) Usually they want some thing
that brings them simple pleasure. Food because they're hungry, sweets because they taste good, play because it's fun, attention because they need company, etc. A child who is denied these pleasures and "acts spoiled" is
behaving that way because their expectations have been denied. Now it is possible that crying, screaming, or behaving in a nasty way have overcome the objections in their parents on other occasions. Therefore, the behavior
is only employed as a "button" the child pushes to generate a desired result. But when the child is actually crying, actually screaming, actually yelling "i hate you" it is because they are angry. They are hurt. Their expectations have been denied.
And whose fault is that? The parents who gave them attention at bedtime, sweets before dinner, let them play instead of homework? That authority figure established the pattern that certain expectations on the nature and
progression of their lives would be met, and for someone whose life experience can be measured in so short a time, every such expectation is forever.
Bruce Lee said: "The first thing one must realize is that there are no such thing as problems. And therefore there is no 'solution.' There is only life, living, and the mastery of life."
Miyamoto Musashi wrote a journal called The Way of Walking Alone in which he wrote, "Do not ever think in acquisitive terms. Do not harbor hopes for your own personal home. Do not be intent on possessing valuables in old age."
He also wrote that a true warrior should "have no heart for approaching the path of love."
So what remains but to take up the sword and "destroy Heaven and Earth" as Musashi says. Not to cut my opponent, but to allow myself to be the conduit of the cut, the lightning rod between heaven and earth that transmits the universal truth that the cut must now happen. In that world, there is no expectation of sex and marriage and little versions of myself carrying on my legacy. Rather there is but the understanding that each breath is an unexpected gift. Each moment happens in and of itself, and cannot be denied or expected.
I am.
It is.
And those truths are the mere justification needed for all other universal truths that we become the conduit for.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
hambonesweets:
I expect you to update this blog.
candy:
hmm.. thats actually reall cool.