imandra

Joe (the ex) called me today. Talk about shit I didn't want to deal with. It wasn't anything huge, he wanted to know if I wanted my stuff back, he had a pair of my pants, and he wanted to give me back the stuff I gave him while we were together, and he wanted his stuff back. I told him he could keep whatever I had given him while we were going out. We're swapping stuff on Saturday, he also wants to talk about the money that he lent me while we were going out. I'm going to pay him back, but I won't be able to do it before I move. I'm Babysitting now, and that gives me just enough to cover rent and transportation for myself, maybe food every now and then. I don't make enough money to pay him back right now. I feel really shitty about that, but I don't have any other choice, it's not like I can get a job, I'm only going to be up here for another month or two. Bah, I hate thinking that I have things under control only to suddenly have them turned on their head. I hate money. We're going to talk on Saturday apparently. I'm going to have to be a bitch, and tell him that he's not getting any money until after I go to Florida, but there's nothing I can do to change that. I'd feel worse about the situation if I had all this extra money that I was blowing, but I really don't. I get $200 extra per month, I have to pay for the bus to get to and from work, and I have to buy food every now and then. There are other bills that I have to settle up before I go, and I have absolutely every dollar set for where it's going until the end of July.

The conversation with him today has me thinking about our relationship. It's funny, I really thought he was what I wanted. After Andrew, wait, I haven't really talked about Andrew, have I?
I met Andrew in high school, and I had an awful crush on him for the longest time. We started fooling around his during his Senior year, and then started going out a few years later. We dated for almost three years, but he dumped me because I was going through a rough time, and he wasn't willing to "get dragged down" with me. All through the relationship he was rather distant. We did the whole open relationship thing, and I always got the feeling that I was on the back burner. I'm over it, It wasn't entirely his fault, I had liked him for so long that my feelings for him were borderline obsession, relationships like that really aren't meant to last.

Anyway, after that relationship, I thought Joe was everything I wanted. He was so sweet, and he paid all the attention in the world to me. He agreed to the open relationship thing, everything seamed great. Then things got weird. He wasn't really okay with the whole open thing, he wouldn't take it if I even made jokes with other guys, he would say something right there, and he got upset when I'd flirt with other girls, he didn't say anything when I did it, but he'd talk to me about it afterwards. I kept telling him that at that point it was just joking, and just flirting, with no intent behind it, that I would talk to him if there was someone else that I was interested in, and that he would know way before it happened, but he kept on getting upset. He was okay with Allison (my girlfriend) in theory, but he only met her once (she lives two hours away) and when I was hugging her goodbye I caught him shooting me a dirty look. There were a bunch of little things too, like how he had no problem crying on my shoulder, but if I needed to vent to him he couldn't deal. Or the time that I got sick and had to cancel plans, and he went on and on about how his day was ruined, and how all he wanted was for me to hug him and tell him it would be alright. Then I started getting really stressed about other things, and I asked him for space, and he said that he could give it to me, but he never could. He finally just pushed me over the edge, we were talking (for the third time) about how I needed space, I tried to explain that I was really stressed, and needed him to give me some breathing room, to cut back on the mushy lovey dovey stuff, and I told him that if he couldn't do that for me then I'd have to break up with him. He said he was sorry, and that he could do it. We started talking about other things, and then he just looked at me and said "Do you have any idea how much I want to hold you right now" I just stared at him. Then he said that he had written a poem for me. I couldn't believe it, we had just finished talking about how I needed space. I broke up with him a week later. writing it down makes it sound like I'm this huge bitch, and maybe I am, but if you've ever been on the receiving end of too much attention I think you'll understand where I'm coming from.

Well, that turned into quite a rant. I should go to bed now, I have to get up in three hours...
Hopefully I'm not to stressed to fall asleep....


Edit: I went to see Blue Man Group on Saturday!! Wheee, that was fun, I got to go for free becasue I offered to stay after the show and help clean up the 6 1/2 miles of toilet paper that are used in the last part of the show... (I kid you not, 6 1/2 mile of TP). I was laughing so hard at one point that I started crying... If you live in boston you need to go see them at least once... Okay, bed now.....