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Sooooooooooooo, yeah....very busy...had to drop Cosmotology school because doing that full time, combined with working full time, combined with doing all the housework on the weekends...and then my homework....it was WAY too much...I actually ended up having a mild heartattack and have the hospital bill to prove it! SO, I had to let something go...so I had three options...drop my family, quit my job or quit school...I love my family so that wasn't going to happen...we have to pay our bills, so the job stayed and school went out the window...but I had actually just found out I wouldn't have been able to do it anyway...I have hand tremmors..didn't even THINK about that! I picked up those scissors for the first time and the teacher was like "OMG you're not going to be able to cut with your hands shaking that badly!"..."You won't be able to make any money!"...so yeah...and the whole class was looking at me and saying "man" and "why do they shake so badly"...and it's like..I don't know...God hates me? I remember my dad trying to teach me to shoot a beebee gun when I was in 5th grade...and he got frustrated with me and left me out in the cold with the gun because I was hitting everything BUT the large white sheet of paper with the target in the middle of it...but anywho...so I was used to long days with work and school...so I've been working like 12 to 13 hours a day...pulling close to 50 hours a week or so....I just wish I got paid more. My man may be getting a job in Baton Rouge...yet again..however, this time it's really likely because there are so many job openings up there. We have a friend who works for the state and she's putting in a good word for him. He's going down there this next week to take some sort of computer test thing. Something about seeing where his skills are and all that. But he's doing it for job placement down there, so keep your fingers crossed! I soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo want to get out of Mississippi! This state is like a pit that you can't climb out of you know? I still have no idea why the ex wanted to move here. I think she really is insane! Speaking of insane, I have tried so many freaking medications since the beginning of the year that I think I may be better off without them! I'm going to this low income clinic and it's like they don't even diagnose you. They just ask you a few surface questions and then prescribe you the same thing they're prescribing everyone else...whatever the new drug is an that time...it's so aggrivating...nothing is working and I went from cycling 4 times to year to cycling weekly to cycling daily to having mixed states where I literally thought I was going to go crazy! SO....I am going to ask the dr to re-evaluate me because I actually switched dr's...the first one was trying to kill me I think! lol Let's see...when I first went in to see him I told him I couldn't take Wellbutren..I couldn't remember why, I just knew I couldn't take it for some reason...so two months went by (two visits) and lo and behold he prescribes me Wellbutren...so me being the ever optimist thinks "well, maybe it will work this time"...WRONG! He also put me on Lithium...so I'm on heart meds right? I showed him the heart meds on my first visit as well as told them to two sets of nurses on a previous visit...and they all wrote it down in my file, suposedly...so it's my 3rd visit right? I asked him if the lithium would be okay with my heart meds and he asked me...you're on heart meds? What kind? I like to fell out of my chair! (oh, and I forgot to mention that he had filled them for me the visit before) And THEN, after telling him the meds once again..for like the 3rd or 4th time, I get home and look up lithium and how it will effect my heart meds...and one of the very first meds they list that you can't take with lithium is atenolol...which is one of the meds I'm on! And so I started looking at all the side effects and such and lithium can be really hard on the kidneys and can cause kidney failure over a period of time...I HAVE A FAMILY HISTORY OF KIDNEY FAILURE!!!!! And I told him that too on my initial visit...so I switched dr's for obvious reasons....My appnt is in two weeks...he put me on wellbutren 300 mg once a day and provigil for my adhd inattentive type....and I kid you not...the provigil made me sleepier! I was fine..peppy..ready to go...I took a half a provigil..HALF...and within 6 hours I was passed out and slept for 14 hours straight! THe next day I drug all day long and slept 13 hours that night! So I tried a whole one and that just made me nauseas...so obviously I am not being treated for whatever I need to be treated for...SO...i'm really hoping this dr will re-evaluate me and figure out what the hell is wrong with me and give me the right meds this time because that whole mixed state thing..that was BAD! My mind was racing, I couldn't sleep for more than 4 or 5 hours a day and my mind was racing like 100 mph! But when I went to get up I had no energy, I was tired and my mind was so not focused I was having a hard time driving even! I was passing streets that I was supposed to turn on..that I turned down every single day...I was running over my bosses hedges when trying to pull out of her driveway...it was bad..I was tripping over shit I knew was there and running into walls...which actually sounds funny, but god it sucked at the time! I think I may still be having slightly mixed episodes only in a different more tolerable manner...I'm sleeping 10 to 12 hours BUT I'm more energetic when I get up and have lots of energy...so it's like the nice qualities of depression and mania...as opposed to a week ago when I was beside myself just trying to function...sigh...oh and I'm in a rambling mood of late so sorry for that whole scientific break down of my mental health! LOL ALright, well I am off...hopefully not for as long as I've been off this last time...I'm trying to work 8 hour days now that I've gotten some sort of system down in the office...SMOOCH!