5 things about Leehs Romantic Life Id like you to know.
1. The girls love me.
I want to tell you a story and in telling you this story I will explain how incredibly pathetic my life is. Observe:
I was in the lobby of my apartment complex checking my mail. In the rec. room there was a party going on. Mostly Junior High-ish girls. A birthday party I presume. As Im walking back to the elevator one of the girls in the room runs by the door and yells Youre Hot! and keeps going. I look around and see that there is no one else in the lobby so I assume theyre talking to me. I remain at the elevator but look into the door only to see a few girls playing pool. They look back at me with red faces and reply That wasnt me. and point off into some other direction. The elevator opens, I yell Thank you. and get on. (No R-Kelly business for those of you wondering.)
Whats most pathetic about this story is that that is the most play Ive gotten in months. True, a woman usually has to beat me over the head before I realize shes in to me (low self esteem is a bitch.) and by then its too late but still, I havent seen even the most remote come hither look in a long time. But if my math serves me right by the time Im 34 the 24 years old girls will love me. I just have to hold on for ten more years! Ten more lonely years. sigh
2. Im a big baby.
I have a crush on one of my coworkers. I asked her out. She said no. Did the crush go away? Did you notice I said have and not had? She walks in slow motion now. Her hair even bouncier. Her voice even more angelic. Shes even more funny and witty. Her ass even more... you get the picture right? But Im OK. I know exactly why I do this to myself but I wont get into that now. I promised myself a long time ago that I would never again chase after a person who didnt want me. Question: Why doesnt anyone want me?
3. The best things come...
I once slept in the same bed with a woman all night without having sex with her. Out of respect to her boyfriend I didnt try anything. We just stayed up all night and talked. (You: Awwwww. Me: Oh, shut up.) I did wake up the next morning to her on top of me though. How did she end up in my bed in the first place? Mind your business. What do you think this is? My journal?
4. My real profile
I have nothing to offer the opposite sex except stimulating conversation, what Id like to think is a good since of humor, undying devotion, my undivided attention, and that mug shot to your left, but sorry no car and no money. Give me a few seconds/ my words aren't quite perfected/ but damn it when it is/ (drum roll) the winner is.
5. Interested in charity work?
I dont want to sound over dramatic but from the angel Im looking, Rae is physicly perfect. I would fix her breakfast in bed. As a matter of fact would you tell her that for me? Copy this statement and put it in her next journal entry.
Dear Rae. There is a young man by the name of Leeh who I think you should meet. Hes smart and funny and an all around swell guy. Heres what a night with him would be like; Youd take a long romantic walk aside the LA river. Later on that night youll take a bus to Fat Burger for the finest in Los Angeles cuisine. Later on youll stop by his apartment to do it. Thats right SCRABBLE. Hes the Los Angeles County champion three years in a row! And dont expect him to take it easy on you.
This is just a template. Feel free to ad lib. Come on guys Im really trying to get laid. If Rae is reading this Im just kidding. I would really like to get to know you. IF YOU ARE RAE DO NOT READ WITHIN THE PARENTHESES. (Seriously. Im trying to get laid. Could you do this for me? I think shes gonna start reading a again. Everybody be cool. Act like nothings happening.) Anyway I think Rae is the cats meow.
Tune in next time for Inappropriate things to say...
When seeing your mother naked
1. Im sorry about the C-section.
2. You really should try Pilates.
3. Yowza!
When talking to Dave Chappelle
1.I think Men in Tights was your best work
2. Oh my God you are so funny! Hey honey come over and meet Chris Rock!
3.I love your show. Could you say: Im Rick James, Bitch!
And so forth and so on. Unless i think of something else. And I probably will.
1. The girls love me.
I want to tell you a story and in telling you this story I will explain how incredibly pathetic my life is. Observe:
I was in the lobby of my apartment complex checking my mail. In the rec. room there was a party going on. Mostly Junior High-ish girls. A birthday party I presume. As Im walking back to the elevator one of the girls in the room runs by the door and yells Youre Hot! and keeps going. I look around and see that there is no one else in the lobby so I assume theyre talking to me. I remain at the elevator but look into the door only to see a few girls playing pool. They look back at me with red faces and reply That wasnt me. and point off into some other direction. The elevator opens, I yell Thank you. and get on. (No R-Kelly business for those of you wondering.)
Whats most pathetic about this story is that that is the most play Ive gotten in months. True, a woman usually has to beat me over the head before I realize shes in to me (low self esteem is a bitch.) and by then its too late but still, I havent seen even the most remote come hither look in a long time. But if my math serves me right by the time Im 34 the 24 years old girls will love me. I just have to hold on for ten more years! Ten more lonely years. sigh
2. Im a big baby.
I have a crush on one of my coworkers. I asked her out. She said no. Did the crush go away? Did you notice I said have and not had? She walks in slow motion now. Her hair even bouncier. Her voice even more angelic. Shes even more funny and witty. Her ass even more... you get the picture right? But Im OK. I know exactly why I do this to myself but I wont get into that now. I promised myself a long time ago that I would never again chase after a person who didnt want me. Question: Why doesnt anyone want me?
3. The best things come...
I once slept in the same bed with a woman all night without having sex with her. Out of respect to her boyfriend I didnt try anything. We just stayed up all night and talked. (You: Awwwww. Me: Oh, shut up.) I did wake up the next morning to her on top of me though. How did she end up in my bed in the first place? Mind your business. What do you think this is? My journal?
4. My real profile
I have nothing to offer the opposite sex except stimulating conversation, what Id like to think is a good since of humor, undying devotion, my undivided attention, and that mug shot to your left, but sorry no car and no money. Give me a few seconds/ my words aren't quite perfected/ but damn it when it is/ (drum roll) the winner is.
5. Interested in charity work?
I dont want to sound over dramatic but from the angel Im looking, Rae is physicly perfect. I would fix her breakfast in bed. As a matter of fact would you tell her that for me? Copy this statement and put it in her next journal entry.
Dear Rae. There is a young man by the name of Leeh who I think you should meet. Hes smart and funny and an all around swell guy. Heres what a night with him would be like; Youd take a long romantic walk aside the LA river. Later on that night youll take a bus to Fat Burger for the finest in Los Angeles cuisine. Later on youll stop by his apartment to do it. Thats right SCRABBLE. Hes the Los Angeles County champion three years in a row! And dont expect him to take it easy on you.
This is just a template. Feel free to ad lib. Come on guys Im really trying to get laid. If Rae is reading this Im just kidding. I would really like to get to know you. IF YOU ARE RAE DO NOT READ WITHIN THE PARENTHESES. (Seriously. Im trying to get laid. Could you do this for me? I think shes gonna start reading a again. Everybody be cool. Act like nothings happening.) Anyway I think Rae is the cats meow.
Tune in next time for Inappropriate things to say...
When seeing your mother naked
1. Im sorry about the C-section.
2. You really should try Pilates.
3. Yowza!
When talking to Dave Chappelle
1.I think Men in Tights was your best work
2. Oh my God you are so funny! Hey honey come over and meet Chris Rock!
3.I love your show. Could you say: Im Rick James, Bitch!
And so forth and so on. Unless i think of something else. And I probably will.
VIEW 16 of 16 COMMENTS
[Edited on Sep 11, 2004 8:51PM]