May I be frank with all of you? I'm scared shitless.
Today I had an interview for what would be considered a 'big girl job'. I always loathed that phrase...'big girl job'...but that's what it would be. 9-5 Monday through Friday business casual water cooler talk day dreaming at your desk about the next vacation. I didn't think I'd make it through the first round of interviews, but I did. I have a second interview on Thursday.
Before your congratulatory pats on the back realize that I am scared of this void that I see before me. I am not used to stability. I am not used to small talk or office politics. But I am nearing the age where I realize that outer beauty is incredibly fleeting and that I can prophet on it only so long.
I feel like I would have functioned better in a different time, but I am stuck here in this world that is growing increasingly homogenized with every passing second. There is no room for being different here. The numbers are louder than the voices reciting them. Every breath I take becomes shorter, and more shallow.
Bitch bitch bitch. Everyone lives this way.
I know, I should shut up.
But my goal in life has been recently to live as if I do not need a vacation. While traveling is nice, I think it's awful that there are people out there whose lives revolve around their next vacation. That their lives are so miserable that they can not enjoy the moments they're currently living in. I feel that if I join any corporate entity that I will cease to enjoy moments, but perhaps that fear is unfounded.
I mean, I know it's true that no ones life has meaning, but do we need to profit off of and from misery as our current global system does?
I was told at work the other day that I am 'too principled for my own good'. Maybe that's true, but I already have trouble sleeping at night. I don't need any more.
And on that note...a recent picture to try to liven up the mood...
