(My first selfie in my new space. I moved house recently. It suits me more than my last space, which was just that. A space. Previously, I had been living with my mom and step dad. It wasn't terrible, but I needed to get out and spread my wings and feel like a grown up again.)
When I was in music school I had a professor who always insisted that I was a 'survivor'. At the time I had no idea what he had meant, but I think I do now. For all that I've been through both voluntarily and involuntarily I'm still here. Not just anywhere. But here.
I say 'voluntarily' and 'involuntarily' because I must admit that I put myself through some of the pain I've felt and unfortunate circumstances I've experienced. I'm not entirely innocent when it comes to my situation. I'm no victim.
Perhaps that's what he meant when he said that I was a 'survivor'. Maybe he meant that I'm not a victim. That's not to say that I haven't been victimized. I have. But I'm not a victim.
Although maybe he meant that I'm a 'survivor' because I never feel sorry for myself. I think that, in a way, he knew this.
Am I making sense at all?
I've gone through being homeless, a shitty divorce, two suicide attempts, an admittance of total and utter failure. And I'm still here. Not just here, but everywhere I've ever wanted to be at once surrounded by wonderful people that I never expected to find.
I am a survivor, aren't I? Where I doubted my professor, he was right all along.
